Slapped By The Unexpected Fairy....My Last Blog

They say you find your soul mate when you least expect it, but as a wise Rabbi once told me, that was truly misinterpreted. My Rabbi from CSUN said it best when he said," Avigail, (my Hebrew name) no matter what anyone says, you are subconsciously always looking for your person. We just end up finding our Basherit (meant to be) in a place we never thought to look."

It was two weeks till I would find myself on plane to Australia, where adventure, kangaroos, and lots of drinking of beer (that wasn't fosters) awaited me. I was counting down the days, hoping the weeks would go quicky and I could leave everything including myself behind. At this point I didn't care about love, didn't really see affection in my future, and was fine with my single life. What I didn't realize was the universe or rather I now believe G-d had other plans for me.

I was invited to a Shabbat dinner which was being hosted by Gesher City, a Jewish organization trying to bring young Jewish professionals together. A few days before, my friend Jonny had asked for a ride to this event, as he wanted to get drunk, or perhaps a little sloppy and if I didn't mind being a DD, he'd be very grateful. Of course I didn't mind, after all I'm not much of a drinker, and Jonny was good company. A few hours before our event was to start, I got a call from my dear friend Dario, we had attended college together until he went back to his home country, Italy. He was visiting for a week, and wanted to catch up, he wondered if I'd meet him after dinner. My mind automatically drove towards Dario's direction, as it wouldn't be the first time I had flaked on an event. Yet something told me not to flake on Jonny, and these Shabbat dinners were only once a month, it wouldn't hurt me to be a little social.

I arrived in a long black dress, this shabbat dinner was themed "cocktail Shabbat," so cocktail attire was required. We arrived promptly, and as I walked in I was greeted by different people in all different directions. I found myself a social butterfly, but accentuated on the butterfly aspect as I did enjoy fluttering from group to group or person to person to say hello. The only problem I seem to always come across, is in the end I usually find myself a little alone, as I am not particularly close with anyone who attends these events.

As I walked around I found a conversation that was requesting my ear. The only conflict I would tackle here was the people engrossed in this conversation were not people I was acquainted with. The guy starting the conversation was talking about how the Reform and Orthodox movements of Judaism did not mix, and how they so obviously did not get along. A subject I was all too familiar with growing up in my orthodox home. As the guy finished his sentence my ear was no longer the only thing that was in captured by his words, my eyes were now in caught by his handsome face, and kind turquoise eyes. I decided to be brave, I wanted in on this conversation, and I wanted to exchange words with this new enticing young man. I chimed in with a, "You're right!" And now all eyes were on me, yes! I was officially in. I introduced myself, and shook everyone's hand in the group, but at this time the only hand I really remember shaking was this new guy. His name was Jeremy.

I started talking to the group trying to keep eye contact with everyone, but a few minutes in I was no longer talking to them, I was engaged in conversation only with him. I then realized that he was in very close proximity with a girl,one I was not familiar with, yet I had a feeling I was not particularly welcome in her eyes. He was so similar to me, involved in our religion yet a skeptic, someone who loves traditions yet finds himself doing what he is comfortable with. Jeremy suddenly became the bold one, and asked for my number, I had mentioned my blog, something I usually keep a secret from the male population. I had mentioned how jaded I had become, and Jeremy was determined to read about it. Jonny started to pull on my arm, he wanted to leave, as he found himself extremely bored in this event. I reluctantly broke my gaze with Jeremy, and left.

A few days later I received a text from Jeremy, "I really like your blog, and it was nice meeting you the other night." My best friend Joelle noticed my glow as I read over my simple yet very nice text. Jo and I were spending a sunday together, and about to go enjoy an overcrowded lunch at Soup Plantation. I started to tell Joelle about Jeremy that I wasn't sure if he had a girlfriend, yet I was enticed with this guy. We had only spoken for a short period of time, still I knew I wanted a chance to date him or someone like him. Joelle encouraged me to write back asking if he knew any guys that understood me the way he did. I sent my message, hoping it would be interpreted the way I wanted it to be. "Maybe we should talk about this over coffee." Was this a date? I felt my heart flutter, were those butterflies I was feeling? Why was this happening now? I thought I had hung up my butterfly net ages ago.

I met with Jeremy at the Red Room in long beach, a cozy dive bar which put me at ease. Our date lasted for 5 hours, I quickly found out that girl wasn't his girlfriend, and all of a sudden I realized my trip to Australia was not going to happen. The time flew, and we weren't even aware of it, I had no urge to check the time, I wanted it to stop entirely. We kissed for a little while, wishing the time had not gone so fast. We knew we needed to see each other again, sooner than later.

Our 2nd date was even more amazing than the first, where we walked around the Natural History museum, and planned on spending the day together. Everything felt right, we both knew it, this wasn't just infatuation, this was real. After going around the museum twice, talking about future plans and what not, we decide to sit on the grass in the park. Jeremy took my hand, "About Australia..." My heart jumps as I knew what I'm going to say, without hesitation my words come together, "I'm cancelling my trip." Jeremy smiled, "That's all I wanted to hear." And I knew this is what I truly wanted. A trip I had planned 6 months ago slowly faded from my mind, I wanted to be here, my heart had pulled me in this direction, and who was I to deny it what it wanted.

Now I know what you're all thinking, how could I cancel my trip to Australia for a guy I barely know? Here's my answer, it just felt right. I always wondered what love felt like, and how couples came to realize that they only wanted to be with each other. I wanted to know how they could find themselves walking in the same direction, and what they had to do to realize they didn't want to wander anywhere else. I don't know if it was written in the stars, or that G-d truly had a hand in this, I only knew on our first date Jeremy was my one. I realized I would do anything to make him happy, that when I was with him I wanted the whole world to stop. I wasn't afraid to share this with him, as I knew I couldn't frighten him. It's true what my friend Sabrina once said to me, "You can't say the right thing to the wrong person, and you can't say the wrong thing to the right person."

The Datist mobile stops here, I have been writing this blog for 2 years now. I finally found my main passenger, it's time to bring this blog to a close. Jeremy has met my family, has survived Allyson getting a little drunk, and likes me for the crazy zany, 30 going on 5...me. I want to thank all my readers for following me, supporting me, and rooting for me to find the one true love of my life. Even when in my dark places you gave me a flashlight of hope, you believed in me, and for this I am truly grateful to each and every one of you. Apparently I was never meant to go to Australia, it just wasn't in the cards. Jeremy reminds me that Australia isn't going anywhere, and if I one day wished to visit I could definitely make it happen. Yes, I have been slapped by the "unexpected fairy" and I welcome it, because we make plans and G-d truly laughs. I have a little advice for all my readers: No matter where you find yourself in your love life, remember to laugh, to always try to see the positive even when you hurt. Don't forget to believe that if everything is meant to be, you'll never grow apart, only together...

"Love needs no map, for it can find it's way blindfolded."
~Author unknown

The Quick Fix

Do quick fixes ever solve anything? Quick fixes can be patches we put on our flat tires, hoping they can suffice till we reach our destination. Quick fixes, are known as the sweets that we slip into our mouths when we're craving something so much bigger. Quick fixes can be fun and feel satisfying, even if only for a few moments of sweet surrender. After all they're only really available to feed a temporary craving, in my case a craving of the heart.

I've had quite a few quick fixes in the past three weeks, new guys, as well old guys from past blogs. I went out with Steven, a guy who wore a little crucifix around his neck that bothered me when we kissed. I had to desensitize, and get over it...The true definition of a quick fix, if I truly wanted to satisfy my appetite. I wanted to enjoy the moment, even though a few moments before he had mentioned he was going to Church early the next day. He said he needed to go pray before volunteering for a bake sale..umm..yeah. "Forgive me Father, for I have kissed a Jewish girl."

My ph-lakey pharmacist resurfaced from the blog "I need to get me some Pharmacist"...Rose from the ashes like a ph-laky phoenix. We met up in a parking lot at 3am, to "catch up"...Don't ask, I just happened to be out in Laguna, at an Ungodly hour. He kissed me a few hours later, after catching up on a whole years worth of information. Yes, it had been more than a year since we had seen each other last. Now let me tell you in all my years in college I had never pulled an all nighter, and yet here I was in my adult life pulling one. Needless to say the next day was unbearable, and I needed to sleep it out. Oh the gift of the quick fix just kept on giving.

Jonah, my new friend from Kentucky decided to change his mind for half a minute and kissed me for no reason. Well no reason other than the fact he felt like it. I brought him over to the Moishe House to meet people, and maybe make some friends. We later had a moment, I went with it of course, but felt nothing. Now where on earth did I leave those feelings? Must have left them where I left my car keys..Let me know if you find those, ok?

I went out to "Landmark" with some friends on a Saturday night, a really great place to go out in Newport. An extremely tall good looking man started to hit on me...I later discovered he was the younger brother of the guy I kissed last year at a Halloween party when I was Red Riding-hood. He had a brief cameo in the blog "Romancing Halloween." Oh the small world we live in! He tried to entice me to come over and "play" with him. I decided to tease him via text, but in the end there was NO way I wanted to be another notch on this guys belt. If it had to happen, he'd be a notch on mine.

I went to my friend Julies' for a holiday get together, and met her gorgeous room mate from Germany, Franz. We caught each others eye, exchanged numbers, text flirted all night. Before I knew it he was in my car Thanksgiving night kissing me for 2 hours, till I needed to end it. Franz and I are still flirting at this time...But I predict it won't be long till our fling fades.

Three weeks until Australia and James is excited...So am I, but only for the trip. James is part of the vacation, and vacations are temporary. Definition of temporary: adj. Lasting, used, serving, or enjoyed for a limited time. Alas, all good things must come to an end. Oh quick fixes, why do you only satisfy for such a short period of time? You inflate my ego, and deflate it all too soon. You love me, and then leave me before I can blink. Such is the life of the Datist who seems to have no interest in anything unless it leads to nowhere.

Yet, Something has sparked inside of me. I suddenly feel more attractive and confident than I've ever felt in my lifetime...Feeling like I've taken a million steps back, only to take a million and one forward...which is still one step forward in the right direction.

"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs...one step at a time."
~Joe Girard

My Heart In Solitary Confinement

Wow, I've never felt this lonely before. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want people to "hope" for me that something good will come around. At this point I just don't want ANYTHING. I want to be in solitary confinement, I want to place my heart there as well.

A month ago I was digging on someone a little bit. A guy from Kentucky named Jonah found me on couchsurfers.com, he was moving to Irvine. I of course offered to be a friend and show him around, and we planned on meeting for coffee. He was nice, very cute in a shy kind of way, had a bit of a Southern drawl, and long long eye lashes. I had a crush, and I soon realized he felt the same. On our third meeting we found ourselves entangled in a kiss, if for only a moment I suddenly felt uplifted. I wanted a connection, and once I verbally expressed my feelings towards him, he mentioned he only wanted a friend. He just felt lonely, this being his new home, he wanted people only on a friendly basis. Fine, I told myself it was fine...Because you know what? I feel so stone hearted right now, my heart is too strong to be broken, too proud for someone so simple to damage it.

Ryan called me, he asked for company, I almost gave in...And he flaked. Again I feel a little self-destructive, why on earth would I waste my time on I like you at the moment and then I wanna throw you away Ryan? I wish my body didn't have these physical needs, I could just be asexual and be happy in my solitude. I feel the need to break some hearts myself...Which I kinda did recently, and I felt no remorse for this crime. A 22 year old sought out my attention, I pulled him in and pushed him away just as fast. I feel the need to be cruel....What has happened to me?

Count down to Australia in a month and a half has begun, excited to just get away. James (my Aussie) broke up with his girlfriend, and I just couldn't care less. I'll be in my holiday mindset, and remember that whatever happens in Australia, that's where it stays. I just want to go somewhere where no one knows me, where no one cares who I am.

I'll feel better after a vacation, it'll be a vacation away from myself. I can forget about my sorrows, my Judaism, my job, my everything.

I'll keep my focus on my new career, which it the highlight of my life right now. I recently have been hired by New York Life Insurance. Money might not make people happy, but for right now I believe it's the next best thing.

As of now, my job and my friends are the only things I can really thank my lucky stars for. They hold a torch for me in my cave, no matter how dark I feel.


"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."
~Dag Hammarskjold

Love Doesn't Exist Here

I've come to the conclusion that love sucks, if it exists it's definitely not in my realm of the universe. I'm over relationships, I'm over finding love, I'm over all of this. I love writing in this blog, so I figure I'll use it for when I'm ready to write about more temporary love affairs. My friend Nicole suggests that subconsciously I choose men that just aren't available to me. She must be right, how else have I fallen in such a deep hole? Digging out of it will need more than just a shovel. Here's yet another failure in the Datist world:

James skyped me last night, 3am and I was excited to see his smiling face. He was happy to see me too, but we needed to "talk." He started by letting me know he couldn't wait for me to come to Australia, but needed to inform me that he's going to reconcile with his ex. He made it clear that I'm still welcome to stay with him, and a guest room is available to me.

Well I guess I can't say I wasn't expecting something like this to happen, because let's face it I'm the queen of un-happy endings. Fuck love, fuck men, fuck everything! If I can't get it right, at least I can give it all the middle finger. Yes, that definitely makes me feel better inside.

I'm still going through with my trip to Australia, I leave in 2 months. I so need this trip, I find myself counting down the days. I figure now that I'm a free agent I'll just kiss as many hot men with hot accents as possible for none other than good old fashioned blog material. Otherwise than that, I just think it's better to be alone.

I'm sorry for depressing you all, but I'm tired, and I realize that a lonely life is better than no life at all. Adventure awaits in a new country so I'll just be happy traveling on my merry way, a lone tourist. The Datist Mobile is not picking up any hitchhikers as of now, and who knows maybe I'll find myself running over some. Might as well break some hearts while I'm at it, I have nothing to lose.


"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
~Erma Bombeck

A Box Buried In Fiji

I find myself constantly asking, why do I even bother having faith in mankind? Specifically the "man" part? Why do I draw myself to this conclusion you ask? Well an ex-blogee decided to make a shocking reappearance in my life, and so my story begins. While out with friends on a Friday night, I receive a text from an unknown number:

"Hey, totally out of the blue...I know, but I've been kinda thinking about you lately. Any chance you'd wanna come to my place tonight? Can't hurt to ask, at least that's what I've been telling myself, right?"

I know what this sounds like, "booty call" probably comes to all your minds at the moment. I couldn't recall this "intimate rendezvous" as I like to refer to it. I honestly had stopped those all together years ago. I had gotten them all out of my system, as that kind of system doesn't seem to work well for many of us ladies for long periods of time. I wanted to ignore this random message, but my curiosity refused to let this go. I texted back, asking ever so politely who this person on the other end was. To my huge surprise it was the long gone Ryan, from my blogs "A New Hope,", "So Entangled," and of course "Tripping Over The Stone."

It had been a year since Ryan and I has seen each other, since he decided to enter the "Bermuda Triangle of dating." I just figured he had lost interest, and I was not about to chase a rabbit down his hole. Ryan made the claim that it was the other way around, that I was the one who played Houdini, I was the one that decided it was over. Seriously? I mean it took me ages to get over Ryan, and why now did he need to come back into my confusing life?

Against my better judgment I meet up with Ryan, it's late, close to 11 at night. It's nice to see him again, he looks the same except for a few more tattoos on his inner arm. We talk on his couch for 5 hours, it's as if nothing has changed, he misses me in his life. He says that he was upset when I never called, or texted, and I claim the same past feelings. Finally after talking till 5am, we fall asleep, I really have missed being in his strong arms.

I left there confused, wondering the outcome if I decided to pursue this. I know James and I are not in a committed relationship, yet this incident made me feel so unfaithful. Two nights later James did call, excited to see my sleepy face (He called at 4am my time, 10pm Aussie time.) He told me he couldn't wait till December, and really hoped the time would go by faster.

Nevertheless I felt the need to see where Ryan wanted to take this. The truth was, my feelings for Ryan still lingered, they resurfaced without warning, I felt disarmed. I sent him a text 2 days later, "Plans for Thurs or Fri night?" I hadn't heard from him in 2 days and I started wondering if I had been played. Was Friday night an act? I needed to know, I sent another text saying, "This seems to be a pattern with us, don't ya think?" This must have struck some chord, as it didn't even take a minute for him to get back to me. I began to read:

"Here's the deal, I'm not looking for anything serious or really not even looking to date at the moment. I really like you a lot, but if we could keep it more on the relaxed side, that'd be best for now. If not that's cool too.."

Well what was I really expecting? Did I really think we could start over? I guess I had no expectations, but at the same time I wanted to feel, well...Wanted. I want to see the good in people, that we have good intentions in all of our actions, no matter where they take us. I can't help but feel disappointed a little, but at the same time, again what did I expect? Did I really think that someone actually decided to fall for me, wondered if I was the one that got away? There I go living in my fantasy world, I might as well star in one of those soppy romantic movies I so detest.

I'm still flying to Australia Christmas Day, still excited to see James, still believe it's also a fantasy. Eh, maybe I can just live my life in my own reality, oh wait...Isn't that referred to as denial? That seems to just be a typical day in Allyson's romantic life, reaching on my tip-toes for a star that obviously doesn't care to be reached. Are not sparkly objects more desirable when we can't possess them? So the next time I decide to put my trust in something or someone, will perhaps one of you please smack me out of it? Apparently I need to keep my heart in a box and bury it somewhere in Fiji, where I know no one will be able to touch it.

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
~William Shakespeare

I Wanna Be The Cat Lady, Minus The Cats

My ticket to Australia has been bought, my arrival date in the 27th of December, my departure will be the 11th of January. I was so excited the minute I booked it, so ready to board my plane. The days seem so long now, I'll be leaving in 4 months, and my God that's so far away! So much can happen in 4 months, and even though James was so excited that I finally booked my ticket, I still feel unsatisfied. I'll be honest, lately I've felt so disconnected from him, we haven't Skyped in 2 weeks. I know that he's busy, he has a life, just moved into a new place, but I need some TLC. I've never considered myself a needy a person, but right now, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm feeling extremely needy. I tell myself I rather be alone than not be with James, that our love story is a true one. I can tell myself this till I'm blue in the face, but truth be told I may just be fooling myself.

My Aussie vacation, may just end up being well...just a vacation. Perhaps it'll be all for the best, I'll still get a fun filled trip, I'll still get to enjoy James' company and meet his family. I just have the feeling that when I leave, that will be it, just an end to another love chapter in the Datist's life. I hate being a pessimist, I once was a HUGE optimist, thinking that the whole bowl was half full, forget the glass. After my failure of a road trip I don't think I have anything to show for it except my beloved blog.

I think I would like to be the cat lady, minus the cats. Why does it have to be cats anyways? Why isn't there a "dog lady?" Hmm..maybe "the dog lady" doesn't sound as creepy. In any case I'm ready to stay single, maybe have a love affair here and there, but nothing permanent. After being single for so long I don't really see myself sticking with one person. I think I've possibly morphed into a butterfly, I seem to like going from flower to flower. This road trip has become a lonely one, and I don't see an ending anytime soon.

"Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?"
~Katherine Wolf

Does Long Distance Really Work??

Skype is truly a God send, what did we ever do without it? How did we ever cope with keeping in touch via snail mail, only able to send our memories in the form of Polaroids? The fact that our pictures could possibly get rained on, bent, or damaged in their enveloped journey always seemed to leave the feeling of uncertainty for most of us. Modern technology is truly the paddle handed to us, preventing both us as our boats from going up the creek empty handed. James has Skyped me everyday since he's left, I get so excited knowing at the end of the day I get to listen to his voice, see his face, and of course hear his oh-so-sexy Aussie accent. I made a decision to bank all my swim money so I can fly to Australia for Christmas. Yes, I'm putting dating on hold till I get to see James in December, where I'll meet his whole family and see the beautiful country he loves to talk about.

I feel as if I'm the main character in a romance movie, except time seems to be going too slowly in this motion picture fantasy of mine. I do keep asking myself, will we even last till December? The other question prancing around my head is, what if I truly fall in love with both James and Australia, not wanting to return to my beloved OC? Would James be able to say he couldn't imagine his life with anyone else other than me? I haven't been in love for so long, I'm so ready to open my heart to someone.

People say keep an open mind, make sure you explore other options, after all he does live half a world away. Is it weird to say that I don't mind, not opening my mind?? The Datist wants to retire already, the Datist is just plain tired, tired of all the idiots of this world. Meeting James has been such a breath of fresh air, I don't remember the last time someone was so crazy about me, not unsure of himself or our relationship. I've felt insecure with most relationships for a long time, just kind of sitting in waiting to see when the interest will start to fade. It's sad to say it, but after all my experiences it's what I've come to expect. James makes me feel so secure with his feelings, pressuring me to book my ticket to Australia as soon as possible...He just wants to make sure I get a good rate of course. (I smile to myself)

I'm literally counting down the minutes until I talk to James on Skype, counting the months until I see him in December. I haven't thought about what will happen once I see him again, I haven't really put a lot thought into our future together. The nice thing about my job is that I can do it anywhere, but still trying to keep these thoughts tucked away. I don't want to run ahead of myself, I might just trip over something if I subconsciously start sprinting too fast. As of now James and I are in the honeymoon stage of our relationship doting on each other despite the distance between us. I'll stay strong and just hope the heat won't extinguish between us for as long as we keep in binding contact. People may say, "Don't hold your breath," when it comes to long distance relationships, lucky for me us swimmers happen to have great lung capacity. I may just find myself blue in the face by the time I step off that plane, waiting to take my first breath in Jame's arms.

"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."
~Roger de Bussy-Rabutin