My ticket to Australia has been bought, my arrival date in the 27th of December, my departure will be the 11th of January. I was so excited the minute I booked it, so ready to board my plane. The days seem so long now, I'll be leaving in 4 months, and my God that's so far away! So much can happen in 4 months, and even though James was so excited that I finally booked my ticket, I still feel unsatisfied. I'll be honest, lately I've felt so disconnected from him, we haven't Skyped in 2 weeks. I know that he's busy, he has a life, just moved into a new place, but I need some TLC. I've never considered myself a needy a person, but right now, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm feeling extremely needy. I tell myself I rather be alone than not be with James, that our love story is a true one. I can tell myself this till I'm blue in the face, but truth be told I may just be fooling myself.
My Aussie vacation, may just end up being well...just a vacation. Perhaps it'll be all for the best, I'll still get a fun filled trip, I'll still get to enjoy James' company and meet his family. I just have the feeling that when I leave, that will be it, just an end to another love chapter in the Datist's life. I hate being a pessimist, I once was a HUGE optimist, thinking that the whole bowl was half full, forget the glass. After my failure of a road trip I don't think I have anything to show for it except my beloved blog.
I think I would like to be the cat lady, minus the cats. Why does it have to be cats anyways? Why isn't there a "dog lady?" Hmm..maybe "the dog lady" doesn't sound as creepy. In any case I'm ready to stay single, maybe have a love affair here and there, but nothing permanent. After being single for so long I don't really see myself sticking with one person. I think I've possibly morphed into a butterfly, I seem to like going from flower to flower. This road trip has become a lonely one, and I don't see an ending anytime soon.
"Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?"
~Katherine Wolf
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