I've come to the conclusion that love sucks, if it exists it's definitely not in my realm of the universe. I'm over relationships, I'm over finding love, I'm over all of this. I love writing in this blog, so I figure I'll use it for when I'm ready to write about more temporary love affairs. My friend Nicole suggests that subconsciously I choose men that just aren't available to me. She must be right, how else have I fallen in such a deep hole? Digging out of it will need more than just a shovel. Here's yet another failure in the Datist world:
James skyped me last night, 3am and I was excited to see his smiling face. He was happy to see me too, but we needed to "talk." He started by letting me know he couldn't wait for me to come to Australia, but needed to inform me that he's going to reconcile with his ex. He made it clear that I'm still welcome to stay with him, and a guest room is available to me.
Well I guess I can't say I wasn't expecting something like this to happen, because let's face it I'm the queen of un-happy endings. Fuck love, fuck men, fuck everything! If I can't get it right, at least I can give it all the middle finger. Yes, that definitely makes me feel better inside.
I'm still going through with my trip to Australia, I leave in 2 months. I so need this trip, I find myself counting down the days. I figure now that I'm a free agent I'll just kiss as many hot men with hot accents as possible for none other than good old fashioned blog material. Otherwise than that, I just think it's better to be alone.
I'm sorry for depressing you all, but I'm tired, and I realize that a lonely life is better than no life at all. Adventure awaits in a new country so I'll just be happy traveling on my merry way, a lone tourist. The Datist Mobile is not picking up any hitchhikers as of now, and who knows maybe I'll find myself running over some. Might as well break some hearts while I'm at it, I have nothing to lose.
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
~Erma Bombeck
Unfortunately I was expecting something like this, even thou I was rooting for another outcome. Not because I was written all over that he would break with you, but because I had my share of long distance relationship failures. It's a mess. And in my case it wasn't even in a another country ;)
ReplyDeleteJust another cliché advice here: pick yourself up, dust off, and get back on the ride. Because that's all it it is. Just a ride. And don't worry, don't give up. There is love for you, it's there somewhere. But it's sneaky ;)
Take care.
PS: just noticed that I don't even know your name :)
You know David after I wrote this I felt better. Ive been wanting to go to Australia for ages, so now I have a great place to stay and his room mates rock so I'll be all good. My name is Allyson =)....yeah love is sneaky...that why it keeps biting me in the ass.
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