Serial Datist

Slapped By The Unexpected Fairy....My Last Blog

2011-12-19T09:57:00.000-08:00

They say you find your soul mate when you least expect it, but as a wise Rabbi once told me, that was truly misinterpreted. My Rabbi from CSUN said it best when he said," Avigail, (my Hebrew name) no matter what anyone says, you are subconsciously always looking for your person. We just end up finding our Basherit (meant to be) in a place we never thought to look."

It was two weeks till I would find myself on plane to Australia, where adventure, kangaroos, and lots of drinking of beer (that wasn't fosters) awaited me. I was counting down the days, hoping the weeks would go quicky and I could leave everything including myself behind. At this point I didn't care about love, didn't really see affection in my future, and was fine with my single life. What I didn't realize was the universe or rather I now believe G-d had other plans for me.

I was invited to a Shabbat dinner which was being hosted by Gesher City, a Jewish organization trying to bring young Jewish professionals together. A few days before, my friend Jonny had asked for a ride to this event, as he wanted to get drunk, or perhaps a little sloppy and if I didn't mind being a DD, he'd be very grateful. Of course I didn't mind, after all I'm not much of a drinker, and Jonny was good company. A few hours before our event was to start, I got a call from my dear friend Dario, we had attended college together until he went back to his home country, Italy. He was visiting for a week, and wanted to catch up, he wondered if I'd meet him after dinner. My mind automatically drove towards Dario's direction, as it wouldn't be the first time I had flaked on an event. Yet something told me not to flake on Jonny, and these Shabbat dinners were only once a month, it wouldn't hurt me to be a little social.

I arrived in a long black dress, this shabbat dinner was themed "cocktail Shabbat," so cocktail attire was required. We arrived promptly, and as I walked in I was greeted by different people in all different directions. I found myself a social butterfly, but accentuated on the butterfly aspect as I did enjoy fluttering from group to group or person to person to say hello. The only problem I seem to always come across, is in the end I usually find myself a little alone, as I am not particularly close with anyone who attends these events.

As I walked around I found a conversation that was requesting my ear. The only conflict I would tackle here was the people engrossed in this conversation were not people I was acquainted with. The guy starting the conversation was talking about how the Reform and Orthodox movements of Judaism did not mix, and how they so obviously did not get along. A subject I was all too familiar with growing up in my orthodox home. As the guy finished his sentence my ear was no longer the only thing that was in captured by his words, my eyes were now in caught by his handsome face, and kind turquoise eyes. I decided to be brave, I wanted in on this conversation, and I wanted to exchange words with this new enticing young man. I chimed in with a, "You're right!" And now all eyes were on me, yes! I was officially in. I introduced myself, and shook everyone's hand in the group, but at this time the only hand I really remember shaking was this new guy. His name was Jeremy.

I started talking to the group trying to keep eye contact with everyone, but a few minutes in I was no longer talking to them, I was engaged in conversation only with him. I then realized that he was in very close proximity with a girl,one I was not familiar with, yet I had a feeling I was not particularly welcome in her eyes. He was so similar to me, involved in our religion yet a skeptic, someone who loves traditions yet finds himself doing what he is comfortable with. Jeremy suddenly became the bold one, and asked for my number, I had mentioned my blog, something I usually keep a secret from the male population. I had mentioned how jaded I had become, and Jeremy was determined to read about it. Jonny started to pull on my arm, he wanted to leave, as he found himself extremely bored in this event. I reluctantly broke my gaze with Jeremy, and left.

A few days later I received a text from Jeremy, "I really like your blog, and it was nice meeting you the other night." My best friend Joelle noticed my glow as I read over my simple yet very nice text. Jo and I were spending a sunday together, and about to go enjoy an overcrowded lunch at Soup Plantation. I started to tell Joelle about Jeremy that I wasn't sure if he had a girlfriend, yet I was enticed with this guy. We had only spoken for a short period of time, still I knew I wanted a chance to date him or someone like him. Joelle encouraged me to write back asking if he knew any guys that understood me the way he did. I sent my message, hoping it would be interpreted the way I wanted it to be. "Maybe we should talk about this over coffee." Was this a date? I felt my heart flutter, were those butterflies I was feeling? Why was this happening now? I thought I had hung up my butterfly net ages ago.

I met with Jeremy at the Red Room in long beach, a cozy dive bar which put me at ease. Our date lasted for 5 hours, I quickly found out that girl wasn't his girlfriend, and all of a sudden I realized my trip to Australia was not going to happen. The time flew, and we weren't even aware of it, I had no urge to check the time, I wanted it to stop entirely. We kissed for a little while, wishing the time had not gone so fast. We knew we needed to see each other again, sooner than later.

Our 2nd date was even more amazing than the first, where we walked around the Natural History museum, and planned on spending the day together. Everything felt right, we both knew it, this wasn't just infatuation, this was real. After going around the museum twice, talking about future plans and what not, we decide to sit on the grass in the park. Jeremy took my hand, "About Australia..." My heart jumps as I knew what I'm going to say, without hesitation my words come together, "I'm cancelling my trip." Jeremy smiled, "That's all I wanted to hear." And I knew this is what I truly wanted. A trip I had planned 6 months ago slowly faded from my mind, I wanted to be here, my heart had pulled me in this direction, and who was I to deny it what it wanted.

Now I know what you're all thinking, how could I cancel my trip to Australia for a guy I barely know? Here's my answer, it just felt right. I always wondered what love felt like, and how couples came to realize that they only wanted to be with each other. I wanted to know how they could find themselves walking in the same direction, and what they had to do to realize they didn't want to wander anywhere else. I don't know if it was written in the stars, or that G-d truly had a hand in this, I only knew on our first date Jeremy was my one. I realized I would do anything to make him happy, that when I was with him I wanted the whole world to stop. I wasn't afraid to share this with him, as I knew I couldn't frighten him. It's true what my friend Sabrina once said to me, "You can't say the right thing to the wrong person, and you can't say the wrong thing to the right person."

The Datist mobile stops here, I have been writing this blog for 2 years now. I finally found my main passenger, it's time to bring this blog to a close. Jeremy has met my family, has survived Allyson getting a little drunk, and likes me for the crazy zany, 30 going on 5...me. I want to thank all my readers for following me, supporting me, and rooting for me to find the one true love of my life. Even when in my dark places you gave me a flashlight of hope, you believed in me, and for this I am truly grateful to each and every one of you. Apparently I was never meant to go to Australia, it just wasn't in the cards. Jeremy reminds me that Australia isn't going anywhere, and if I one day wished to visit I could definitely make it happen. Yes, I have been slapped by the "unexpected fairy" and I welcome it, because we make plans and G-d truly laughs. I have a little advice for all my readers: No matter where you find yourself in your love life, remember to laugh, to always try to see the positive even when you hurt. Don't forget to believe that if everything is meant to be, you'll never grow apart, only together...

"Love needs no map, for it can find it's way blindfolded."
~Author unknown

The Quick Fix

2011-11-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

Do quick fixes ever solve anything? Quick fixes can be patches we put on our flat tires, hoping they can suffice till we reach our destination. Quick fixes, are known as the sweets that we slip into our mouths when we're craving something so much bigger. Quick fixes can be fun and feel satisfying, even if only for a few moments of sweet surrender. After all they're only really available to feed a temporary craving, in my case a craving of the heart.

I've had quite a few quick fixes in the past three weeks, new guys, as well old guys from past blogs. I went out with Steven, a guy who wore a little crucifix around his neck that bothered me when we kissed. I had to desensitize, and get over it...The true definition of a quick fix, if I truly wanted to satisfy my appetite. I wanted to enjoy the moment, even though a few moments before he had mentioned he was going to Church early the next day. He said he needed to go pray before volunteering for a bake sale..umm..yeah. "Forgive me Father, for I have kissed a Jewish girl."

My ph-lakey pharmacist resurfaced from the blog "I need to get me some Pharmacist"...Rose from the ashes like a ph-laky phoenix. We met up in a parking lot at 3am, to "catch up"...Don't ask, I just happened to be out in Laguna, at an Ungodly hour. He kissed me a few hours later, after catching up on a whole years worth of information. Yes, it had been more than a year since we had seen each other last. Now let me tell you in all my years in college I had never pulled an all nighter, and yet here I was in my adult life pulling one. Needless to say the next day was unbearable, and I needed to sleep it out. Oh the gift of the quick fix just kept on giving.

Jonah, my new friend from Kentucky decided to change his mind for half a minute and kissed me for no reason. Well no reason other than the fact he felt like it. I brought him over to the Moishe House to meet people, and maybe make some friends. We later had a moment, I went with it of course, but felt nothing. Now where on earth did I leave those feelings? Must have left them where I left my car keys..Let me know if you find those, ok?

I went out to "Landmark" with some friends on a Saturday night, a really great place to go out in Newport. An extremely tall good looking man started to hit on me...I later discovered he was the younger brother of the guy I kissed last year at a Halloween party when I was Red Riding-hood. He had a brief cameo in the blog "Romancing Halloween." Oh the small world we live in! He tried to entice me to come over and "play" with him. I decided to tease him via text, but in the end there was NO way I wanted to be another notch on this guys belt. If it had to happen, he'd be a notch on mine.

I went to my friend Julies' for a holiday get together, and met her gorgeous room mate from Germany, Franz. We caught each others eye, exchanged numbers, text flirted all night. Before I knew it he was in my car Thanksgiving night kissing me for 2 hours, till I needed to end it. Franz and I are still flirting at this time...But I predict it won't be long till our fling fades.

Three weeks until Australia and James is excited...So am I, but only for the trip. James is part of the vacation, and vacations are temporary. Definition of temporary: adj. Lasting, used, serving, or enjoyed for a limited time. Alas, all good things must come to an end. Oh quick fixes, why do you only satisfy for such a short period of time? You inflate my ego, and deflate it all too soon. You love me, and then leave me before I can blink. Such is the life of the Datist who seems to have no interest in anything unless it leads to nowhere.

Yet, Something has sparked inside of me. I suddenly feel more attractive and confident than I've ever felt in my lifetime...Feeling like I've taken a million steps back, only to take a million and one forward...which is still one step forward in the right direction.

"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs...one step at a time."
~Joe Girard

My Heart In Solitary Confinement

2011-10-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, I've never felt this lonely before. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want people to "hope" for me that something good will come around. At this point I just don't want ANYTHING. I want to be in solitary confinement, I want to place my heart there as well.

A month ago I was digging on someone a little bit. A guy from Kentucky named Jonah found me on couchsurfers.com, he was moving to Irvine. I of course offered to be a friend and show him around, and we planned on meeting for coffee. He was nice, very cute in a shy kind of way, had a bit of a Southern drawl, and long long eye lashes. I had a crush, and I soon realized he felt the same. On our third meeting we found ourselves entangled in a kiss, if for only a moment I suddenly felt uplifted. I wanted a connection, and once I verbally expressed my feelings towards him, he mentioned he only wanted a friend. He just felt lonely, this being his new home, he wanted people only on a friendly basis. Fine, I told myself it was fine...Because you know what? I feel so stone hearted right now, my heart is too strong to be broken, too proud for someone so simple to damage it.

Ryan called me, he asked for company, I almost gave in...And he flaked. Again I feel a little self-destructive, why on earth would I waste my time on I like you at the moment and then I wanna throw you away Ryan? I wish my body didn't have these physical needs, I could just be asexual and be happy in my solitude. I feel the need to break some hearts myself...Which I kinda did recently, and I felt no remorse for this crime. A 22 year old sought out my attention, I pulled him in and pushed him away just as fast. I feel the need to be cruel....What has happened to me?

Count down to Australia in a month and a half has begun, excited to just get away. James (my Aussie) broke up with his girlfriend, and I just couldn't care less. I'll be in my holiday mindset, and remember that whatever happens in Australia, that's where it stays. I just want to go somewhere where no one knows me, where no one cares who I am.

I'll feel better after a vacation, it'll be a vacation away from myself. I can forget about my sorrows, my Judaism, my job, my everything.

I'll keep my focus on my new career, which it the highlight of my life right now. I recently have been hired by New York Life Insurance. Money might not make people happy, but for right now I believe it's the next best thing.

As of now, my job and my friends are the only things I can really thank my lucky stars for. They hold a torch for me in my cave, no matter how dark I feel.

"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."
~Dag Hammarskjold

Love Doesn't Exist Here

2011-09-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

I've come to the conclusion that love sucks, if it exists it's definitely not in my realm of the universe. I'm over relationships, I'm over finding love, I'm over all of this. I love writing in this blog, so I figure I'll use it for when I'm ready to write about more temporary love affairs. My friend Nicole suggests that subconsciously I choose men that just aren't available to me. She must be right, how else have I fallen in such a deep hole? Digging out of it will need more than just a shovel. Here's yet another failure in the Datist world:

James skyped me last night, 3am and I was excited to see his smiling face. He was happy to see me too, but we needed to "talk." He started by letting me know he couldn't wait for me to come to Australia, but needed to inform me that he's going to reconcile with his ex. He made it clear that I'm still welcome to stay with him, and a guest room is available to me.

Well I guess I can't say I wasn't expecting something like this to happen, because let's face it I'm the queen of un-happy endings. Fuck love, fuck men, fuck everything! If I can't get it right, at least I can give it all the middle finger. Yes, that definitely makes me feel better inside.

I'm still going through with my trip to Australia, I leave in 2 months. I so need this trip, I find myself counting down the days. I figure now that I'm a free agent I'll just kiss as many hot men with hot accents as possible for none other than good old fashioned blog material. Otherwise than that, I just think it's better to be alone.

I'm sorry for depressing you all, but I'm tired, and I realize that a lonely life is better than no life at all. Adventure awaits in a new country so I'll just be happy traveling on my merry way, a lone tourist. The Datist Mobile is not picking up any hitchhikers as of now, and who knows maybe I'll find myself running over some. Might as well break some hearts while I'm at it, I have nothing to lose.

"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
~Erma Bombeck

A Box Buried In Fiji

2011-08-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

I find myself constantly asking, why do I even bother having faith in mankind? Specifically the "man" part? Why do I draw myself to this conclusion you ask? Well an ex-blogee decided to make a shocking reappearance in my life, and so my story begins. While out with friends on a Friday night, I receive a text from an unknown number:

"Hey, totally out of the blue...I know, but I've been kinda thinking about you lately. Any chance you'd wanna come to my place tonight? Can't hurt to ask, at least that's what I've been telling myself, right?"

I know what this sounds like, "booty call" probably comes to all your minds at the moment. I couldn't recall this "intimate rendezvous" as I like to refer to it. I honestly had stopped those all together years ago. I had gotten them all out of my system, as that kind of system doesn't seem to work well for many of us ladies for long periods of time. I wanted to ignore this random message, but my curiosity refused to let this go. I texted back, asking ever so politely who this person on the other end was. To my huge surprise it was the long gone Ryan, from my blogs "A New Hope,", "So Entangled," and of course "Tripping Over The Stone."

It had been a year since Ryan and I has seen each other, since he decided to enter the "Bermuda Triangle of dating." I just figured he had lost interest, and I was not about to chase a rabbit down his hole. Ryan made the claim that it was the other way around, that I was the one who played Houdini, I was the one that decided it was over. Seriously? I mean it took me ages to get over Ryan, and why now did he need to come back into my confusing life?

Against my better judgment I meet up with Ryan, it's late, close to 11 at night. It's nice to see him again, he looks the same except for a few more tattoos on his inner arm. We talk on his couch for 5 hours, it's as if nothing has changed, he misses me in his life. He says that he was upset when I never called, or texted, and I claim the same past feelings. Finally after talking till 5am, we fall asleep, I really have missed being in his strong arms.

I left there confused, wondering the outcome if I decided to pursue this. I know James and I are not in a committed relationship, yet this incident made me feel so unfaithful. Two nights later James did call, excited to see my sleepy face (He called at 4am my time, 10pm Aussie time.) He told me he couldn't wait till December, and really hoped the time would go by faster.

Nevertheless I felt the need to see where Ryan wanted to take this. The truth was, my feelings for Ryan still lingered, they resurfaced without warning, I felt disarmed. I sent him a text 2 days later, "Plans for Thurs or Fri night?" I hadn't heard from him in 2 days and I started wondering if I had been played. Was Friday night an act? I needed to know, I sent another text saying, "This seems to be a pattern with us, don't ya think?" This must have struck some chord, as it didn't even take a minute for him to get back to me. I began to read:

"Here's the deal, I'm not looking for anything serious or really not even looking to date at the moment. I really like you a lot, but if we could keep it more on the relaxed side, that'd be best for now. If not that's cool too.."

Well what was I really expecting? Did I really think we could start over? I guess I had no expectations, but at the same time I wanted to feel, well...Wanted. I want to see the good in people, that we have good intentions in all of our actions, no matter where they take us. I can't help but feel disappointed a little, but at the same time, again what did I expect? Did I really think that someone actually decided to fall for me, wondered if I was the one that got away? There I go living in my fantasy world, I might as well star in one of those soppy romantic movies I so detest.

I'm still flying to Australia Christmas Day, still excited to see James, still believe it's also a fantasy. Eh, maybe I can just live my life in my own reality, oh wait...Isn't that referred to as denial? That seems to just be a typical day in Allyson's romantic life, reaching on my tip-toes for a star that obviously doesn't care to be reached. Are not sparkly objects more desirable when we can't possess them? So the next time I decide to put my trust in something or someone, will perhaps one of you please smack me out of it? Apparently I need to keep my heart in a box and bury it somewhere in Fiji, where I know no one will be able to touch it.

"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none."
~William Shakespeare

I Wanna Be The Cat Lady, Minus The Cats

2011-08-11T23:51:00.000-07:00

My ticket to Australia has been bought, my arrival date in the 27th of December, my departure will be the 11th of January. I was so excited the minute I booked it, so ready to board my plane. The days seem so long now, I'll be leaving in 4 months, and my God that's so far away! So much can happen in 4 months, and even though James was so excited that I finally booked my ticket, I still feel unsatisfied. I'll be honest, lately I've felt so disconnected from him, we haven't Skyped in 2 weeks. I know that he's busy, he has a life, just moved into a new place, but I need some TLC. I've never considered myself a needy a person, but right now, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm feeling extremely needy. I tell myself I rather be alone than not be with James, that our love story is a true one. I can tell myself this till I'm blue in the face, but truth be told I may just be fooling myself.

My Aussie vacation, may just end up being well...just a vacation. Perhaps it'll be all for the best, I'll still get a fun filled trip, I'll still get to enjoy James' company and meet his family. I just have the feeling that when I leave, that will be it, just an end to another love chapter in the Datist's life. I hate being a pessimist, I once was a HUGE optimist, thinking that the whole bowl was half full, forget the glass. After my failure of a road trip I don't think I have anything to show for it except my beloved blog.

I think I would like to be the cat lady, minus the cats. Why does it have to be cats anyways? Why isn't there a "dog lady?" Hmm..maybe "the dog lady" doesn't sound as creepy. In any case I'm ready to stay single, maybe have a love affair here and there, but nothing permanent. After being single for so long I don't really see myself sticking with one person. I think I've possibly morphed into a butterfly, I seem to like going from flower to flower. This road trip has become a lonely one, and I don't see an ending anytime soon.

"Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?"
~Katherine Wolf

Does Long Distance Really Work??

2011-07-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

Skype is truly a God send, what did we ever do without it? How did we ever cope with keeping in touch via snail mail, only able to send our memories in the form of Polaroids? The fact that our pictures could possibly get rained on, bent, or damaged in their enveloped journey always seemed to leave the feeling of uncertainty for most of us. Modern technology is truly the paddle handed to us, preventing both us as our boats from going up the creek empty handed. James has Skyped me everyday since he's left, I get so excited knowing at the end of the day I get to listen to his voice, see his face, and of course hear his oh-so-sexy Aussie accent. I made a decision to bank all my swim money so I can fly to Australia for Christmas. Yes, I'm putting dating on hold till I get to see James in December, where I'll meet his whole family and see the beautiful country he loves to talk about.

I feel as if I'm the main character in a romance movie, except time seems to be going too slowly in this motion picture fantasy of mine. I do keep asking myself, will we even last till December? The other question prancing around my head is, what if I truly fall in love with both James and Australia, not wanting to return to my beloved OC? Would James be able to say he couldn't imagine his life with anyone else other than me? I haven't been in love for so long, I'm so ready to open my heart to someone.

People say keep an open mind, make sure you explore other options, after all he does live half a world away. Is it weird to say that I don't mind, not opening my mind?? The Datist wants to retire already, the Datist is just plain tired, tired of all the idiots of this world. Meeting James has been such a breath of fresh air, I don't remember the last time someone was so crazy about me, not unsure of himself or our relationship. I've felt insecure with most relationships for a long time, just kind of sitting in waiting to see when the interest will start to fade. It's sad to say it, but after all my experiences it's what I've come to expect. James makes me feel so secure with his feelings, pressuring me to book my ticket to Australia as soon as possible...He just wants to make sure I get a good rate of course. (I smile to myself)

I'm literally counting down the minutes until I talk to James on Skype, counting the months until I see him in December. I haven't thought about what will happen once I see him again, I haven't really put a lot thought into our future together. The nice thing about my job is that I can do it anywhere, but still trying to keep these thoughts tucked away. I don't want to run ahead of myself, I might just trip over something if I subconsciously start sprinting too fast. As of now James and I are in the honeymoon stage of our relationship doting on each other despite the distance between us. I'll stay strong and just hope the heat won't extinguish between us for as long as we keep in binding contact. People may say, "Don't hold your breath," when it comes to long distance relationships, lucky for me us swimmers happen to have great lung capacity. I may just find myself blue in the face by the time I step off that plane, waiting to take my first breath in Jame's arms.

"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great."
~Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

My Aussie Adventure

2011-07-09T13:37:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been so long...I feel like I'm dusting off an old book I stored away only to be forgotten. Maybe many of you perhaps thought I had retired, found my prince charming and rode off into a sunset...Yeah, not so much. I can pretty much say that the Datist mobile had a break down and needed to be brought into the shop for repairs. Now that I have it properly running again, I believe I can bring you all up to speed...

I had finally to my dismay found myself joining JDATE! OH THE HORROR! I believe the first message I received was from a 57 year old man, which I kindly rejected, letting him know he was the same age as my father. Even he agreed that made him a little creepy. As I went through my matches, which JDATE kindly refers for you, I found someone to my liking. He had bright red hair, really pretty blue eyes, a great smile, decent height, and a very detailed writer. I sent him a message, I figured "What the Hell, I'm here right? Might as well put my head on the chopping block." Funny enough he wrote me back using a word he seemed to favor very much, "Stoked." After a few back and forth emails and a pinch of intrigue, we decided to meet up for dinner and perhaps a drink.

I automatically liked Judah, he was fun to talk to, even spoke some Hebrew. He told me he had actually spent some time in Israel volunteering, he managed to pick up a few words. We had a pretty decent date, it had ended with a kiss, it seemed to have promise. Despite the vow of a phone call, a few days went by and I didn't hear from Judah. I knew he was busy, being a first year med student is no easy endeavor. You all know I'm not one to sit and wait by the phone so I mentally moved on, keeping the door open for Judah if he dared to knock.

Two weeks since my first JDATE, and I knew it was time to go out, raise my confidence again...Yes flirtation was beckoning me to come out and play. I soon received an opportunity, my friend Julie sent me an invite to go clubbing. She had rented out a limo, and had gathered a crowd of twenty guys and gals to go a club in Hollywood called Drais. I'm not much for clubs, usually finding myself yawning by the time they find themselves open to the public. I could easily resolve this dilemma with a nap during the day. I had never been in a limo before, for this experience alone I needed to make this night happen.

We're all scrunched in the limo, definitely a diverse mix of people, alcohol, and slutty yet tasteful evening wear. We arrive ready to dance, ready to grind up against strangers, and maybe a little bit more. I followed my new entourage to the dance floor, deciding my so called rhythm should join me. After about 15 minutes I have a craving to explore, I make my way over to the outside area, excellent place to people watch. I find some of my new gal pals from the limo, we chit chat for a few minutes before their dancing shoes decide to return back to their feet.

I walk back into Drais, still trying to get acquainted with my surroundings. I particularly enjoy looking at the professional dancers on the stage, the glitter reflecting off their dresses is absolutely radiant. A tall guy in a plaid shirt suddenly jumps right in front of me, an obvious invitation for a dance. He's actually quite good looking, but I can't seem to get my hips to move to his beat. A girl walks up to me, yells in my ear "Don't be afraid, we're just Australian." I smile to myself, I really love the Aussies, laid back people with fabulous accents. There were three of them, a girl named Alisa, married to a guy named Brady, who have brought along their friend James. James of course being the one who wants to get my two left feet moving. I stay with them the whole night, James so friendly and charming. I really am having a hard time resisting both his hand as well as his accent.

The night starts to wind out, and I realize I must find my limo posse if I expect to get back home to the OC. James and Brady encourage me to come back to the amazing house they have rented in West Hollywood. I tell them how far I live, that my only ride home is that limo. They shrug it off, say they will drive me back home tomorrow as I get shoved in a cab with the lot of them. I'm not sure what to make of this, I'm feeling excited yet unsure of the outcome. I send a quick text to Julie letting her know I've been abducted by some Aussies. I'm not sure what she'll make of my message, I mean, who would? The house they're staying in is exquisite, with a pool and jacuzzi included! I stay up all night conversing with Brady and Alisa, wondering if Aussies ever sleep. James never leaves my side, I find myself in his arms when we're alone. When daylight breaks they keep their promise and trek me all the way home.

I kissed James good bye, I figured I would never see him again, and didn't realize I would be mistaken. James gave me a call a day later, invited me to dinner with his friends, as well as another couple. This was the last night James would be in Southern California as the next locations he would travel to included San Fran, Florida, Puerto Rico, and finally a 10 day cruise to the Carribean.

To my surprise James called me everyday during his travels. He skyped me everyday as well, this Aussie was truly fond of me. A week before his cruise he invited me to join him, 10 days traveling around the Caribean islands. I explained how it wouldn't be possible, there was no way I could afford to not work for 10 days. I couldn't believe it when he decided to blow off his cruise and his friends to come back to California. His plan was to spend his last week in America with me and whisk me away to Las Vegas for the weekend.

As you can imagine, spending a week with James made me very acquainted with him. I found out he was a head of a million dollar construction company in Australia, he had a daughter from an ex, (He's 29 by the way) which made him not want anymore children. He was smart, but definitely not very worldly, still he was able to keep me guessing. Our weekend in Vegas made me fall for him all too fast, I didn't even realize I had fallen till we had arrived at the airport ready to part ways. This was it, James was ready to make his departure back to Australia. We kissed, we held each other, I didn't want him to leave. "You never know what could happen in the future." He said, I could only nod in a agreement, my eyes not able to meet his.

It's been a week now, and I find myself missing him so much. It felt like a fantasy, he had treated me like a princess. I keep having to convince myself it was REAL, I was whisked away by a very hot foreigner with an even hotter accent. If it weren't for our smiling pictures I'm not sure I'd believe it actually had happened. James adored everything about me, my facial expressions, my silliness, even my tendency to spaz out. How does the Datist continue on this road trip after such a romantic whirl-wind? This time it's exceptionally hard to move on...

"I'll never forget this, or you..."
~James, on our last day together

I won't forget you either James...

"May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand."
~Irish Blessing

I Gotta Be Me

2011-05-05T23:54:00.000-07:00

I truly like being myself, I can't help being myself, after all who else could I openly be? When on a date I always want to show my true self, I want the guy I'm interested in to like the crazy zany and of course, Jewish me. I want to accepted for everything I am, and even though I'm not that religious at the moment, I'm still a Jew. Obviously I'm many things, I'm more than just my religion. I realize if I'm going to date everyone, I need to be indiscriminate of their beliefs as well, have an open mind to the way they see the world. This is hard sometimes for someone who used to be so religious, I went as far as to not turn lights on on our holy Sabbath. I'm determined to find love without looking through my old judgmental glasses, yet sometimes I can't help but slip them on. Obviously I'm still a work in progress, but aren't we all?

I didn't think I'd like Matthew, his profile on OKCupid didn't really intrigue me. He had written, "Religious Zealots need not apply." Meaning Matthew was either Atheist or Agnostic. I recognize that I'm not a religious zealot anymore, but at one time I definitely could have been the queen bee herself. Still the line itself rubbed me the wrong way, in a direction I preferred not to go in. Despite the way my intuition made me feel, there was still something about Matthew that made me want to meet him. I figured perhaps we could be acquaintances, maybe become friends eventually. I needed to stay open minded however, I did not want to be so quick to judge. If I wanted someone to accept me, I needed to be just as accepting to them.

I meet Matthew at the Westside Bar and Grill in Costa Mesa. Matthew mentions that his friend Evan is doing a stand up comedy show there and to me it sounded like a good time. If Matthew and I didn't get along, at least we could laugh. I arrive in heels and a cute blue dress as Matthew pulls up in his motorcycle. He stands up, he's tall, very tall, around 6"4. Okay I'm melting. He takes off his helmet, he's 26 years old, handsome I notice, with short blond hair, big blue eyes, and a sweet shy smile. We go sit down, order a pizza and enjoy a great night of laughter. A kiss seals the night, and Matthew and I suddenly wanting to see each other as much as humanly possible.

Matthew and I have been dating now for a month, and finally I feel as if I've met someone who likes me as much as I like him. Again on the path to becoming the retired Datist. I didn't want to jinx this, but at the same time I felt this was too good to be true. I didn't realize I would be the problem, as my ex-religious beliefs have found a way to come between us.

My parents went away for a weekend and I thought this as a great opportunity to make dinner and have Matthew over. We find ourselves in deep conversation over pasta and salad, as I explain to him why we were only eating meat tonight and not cheese. My family follows the law of Kashrut and this would indicate to how my family's kitchen is structured. Using the word "treif" to describe things that are not kosher, makes Matthew want to use the word on himself. "At least you're circumcised" I say with a smile. "No, I'm not, and I don't believe in it." He answers. I freeze up a bit, lost for words, weren't most people in America circumcised? How did I find the only non-Jew out there who's not?

I explain the religious reasons as to why we the Jewish people circumcise our children, I know I myself will do the same if I have a son. Matthew doesn't understand it, proclaiming unnecessary surgery, barbaric even. I'm so torn inside, how can I ever involve myself with someone who wouldn't let me perform this Jewish ritual which is decreed by law? A law I can pretend means nothing, but now the moment of truth...It still has meaning for me, religious or not. I don't want religion to get in the way of me finding a good man, but at the moment this obstacle is one I don't believe I can remotely tackle.

For the next few dates, this topic keeps coming up, even though it has nothing to do with our relationship right now. We both want this relationship to have a direction, we want to have the chance of possibly falling in love with each other. He jokes and says, "We'll just have to adopt girls." I know he only jests, but at the same time there's a feeling of truth to it. This is only a way of comforting ourselves into thinking this relationship could have futuristic feeling. It only helps in a way a small band aid covers a gaping wound it can't fully shelter. "I like you too much to let this get in the way of us dating." Matthew says. Unfortunately I don't know if I like Matthew enough to throw my beliefs away in the garbage. Judaism is me, I'm Judaism, if Matthew can't see the importance in my rituals and cultural beliefs, if he can't respect them, then he'll never accept ME.

I know I have to end my courting with Matthew, I need to find someone that will share my cultural beliefs. As much as I don't want to admit it, they are a part of me too. I need to be ME, the Jewish ME, the part me too strong to dissolve. I can tell myself over and over it doesn't matter,that love conquers all, yet can it conquer a true belief in your heart? Is this just G-d testing me to see how sack-religious I'll become before I actually decide I need to go back to just dating Jews? The dating road trip is slowly turning into somewhat of a spiritual scavenger hunt. If G-d's hand is playing in this game, well then He's probably peeking at my cards, and calling my bluff. Perhaps I need to really find out where I want to go spiritually before I pick my next hand. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason, that I must learn from each of my dating experiences. I'm learning you can take the girl out of Jewish world, but you can't take the Jewish out of the girl....And the Jewish girl is me.

"Like the sky opens after a rainy day we must open to ourselves.... Learn to love yourself for who you are and open so the world can see you shine."
~James Poland

Playing With Fire

2011-04-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

I haven't always considered myself a cautious person, this had to become a learnt behavior, and eventually evolved into natural instinct. As a teenager I considered myself a good kid, never into drugs, alcohol, or any of what many would consider "bad behavior." As a teenage girl however, when it came to certain boy situations I definitely had no problem not looking before leaping. I also found myself being somewhat rebellious at times. I sensed this was natural since I did grow up in quite the religious household. Mind you, even though I felt like I grew up with a picket fence surrounding me, I refused to climb over it completely. I never really had a desire to see what was beyond it. I simply flirted with the idea, but never dared to go out of my comfort zone, unaffectedly just treaded right on the borderline. In college my parameters expanded as I found myself more able to make impulsive decisions, especially when there was an abundance of liquor involved. Still, even parameters have their limits, and tempting lines to be crossed, I modestly grazed them. I think that as I've gotten older and a little wiser my thought process has become more valuable to me. I grew to realize that becoming an adult meant thoroughly thinking things through before making any decision.

So why on earth am I all of a sudden playing with matches? Letting each one burn too close to my fingertips, if I'm not careful, I may just get burned. This is all theoretically speaking of course. To my surprise, I find myself hastily making some reckless decisions. Maybe my mind feels nostalgic for my youth as it has me going back in time to my old teenage ways.

The first of my reckless acts is Gavin, a guy I meet at my work as I'm walking out after coaching. Gavin with his dark hair, dark eyes, very tall stature, and Adonis body, showered and finished with the gym. We meet by the reception desk, walk out to the parking lot together, and trouble is marked all over him. I find him intelligent, he's taking the Bar exam soon, he's going to be a criminal defense lawyer. He's young, 22 to be exact and yes once again I'm feeling like Mrs. Robinson. He's also very brash, has no problem letting me know he finds me very attractive. He wants to exchange numbers so we can meet up as soon as possible. I'm reluctant, I know better, but I find his boyish smile so hard to resist. I let go, I give in, and the flirting begins. Oh Trouble we meet again, but this time I'm ready for you, so bring it!

A few days later I receive a text, a blast from the blog past actually! Nathan (from my July blog, "Unexpected Fireworks") decides to make a guest appearance in my life. He calls out of nowhere, it's almost midnight on a Saturday night, and he wants to come over, he needs to be consoled. He explains he had just had the worst date of his life and he needs to end his night on a good note. The good note of course referring to me. I let him tip toe to my room, we whisper, watch a movie, and yes I have to try to resist him the whole night. Nathan keeps pressing to kiss me, and I keep making sure our night stays "Rated G." He leaves unsatisfied, and I wonder, what just happened?

Meanwhile in Texting Land Jared still sends me persistent messages, saying that when he gets back from Costa Rica things are going to change. He tells me we're going to date this time, he'll make an effort, he'll stop disappearing on me. He tries to persist me into sending him sweet messages, tries to coax me into sending him pictures of myself. Jared for now I can resist, probably due to the distance that keeps us apart at the moment. Jared is probably the hardest to call off once he's close to me, meaning actually in my house. My family welcomes his unexpected visits, enjoys him and encourages his company as well. I'm still waiting for Jared's next big move, still anticipating the action that hasn't been taken yet.

If you haven't guessed it, already two weeks have passed by, and no sign of life from Dr. Darren. I have now officially shut or rather have slammed the dating door on him. I need not be with a man who has no desire to be with me, hence my healing process has begun. "Healing" is probably not the right description for my actions, "rejuvenating" preferably the more suitable term. I feel like I'm on some sort of nonsensical Datist spree, a little out of control... But I kinda like it.

Do not my actions speak for themselves? Have I not moved on already from Darren? I want to believe I have, that there's no option of looking back. In reality these boys are just my distractions, my new toys to be played with. Toys are meant to be enjoyed, to be trifled with, fun for a certain period of time. Eventually though, new play-things get worn out, are cast aside, something more substantial is craved. My appetite still longs for substance, yet I must hold off on satisfying it. For now I need to just play, I need the distraction, or else I might just feel empty inside.

"Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature."
~Tom Robbins

I Stand Tall

2011-04-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

Wow what a month it's been, and again so so so sorry to keep you all waiting with news about Darren. It's been an amazing ride, I thought I was finally on the retiring road for the Datist. I truly did. I had three wonderful dates with this man, dates that swept me off my feet, and let me fall oh so gracefully in his arms. Our forth/fifth date however made us have to put the brakes on with a screech. I spent a weekend at his apartment, being taken out, being cuddled, playing house even. The morning I left to go back home something seemed off, Darren had withdrawn, a guard was suddenly up. I tried to ignore it, but when I noticed his texts not being as frequent, and our plan for our next date was not underway, I saw stormy roads ahead. If he wanted to end it I wanted to know now, I hated anticipating a "break up" call, if you can call it that. I knew Darren was busy, he's a doctor of radiology who has two more years of residency to go. My patience was wearing though, and my hope was slowly losing glimmer in a forest of uncertainty.

Finally he did call, frantic repeating the line over and over again, "It just went too fast," I guessed he was talking about the pace we had been going, full speed ahead! I knew I had to be the calm one, and kept myself so nonchalant you would never have guessed it was really me.
I gave him an out, said, "Hey it happens," and was ready to let it all go. He surprised me, "I don't want it to end like this, maybe we can still see each other, but slow it down." I surprised myself again with a quick, "sure." I then started to point out the following vocabulary I had never once mentioned in our short lived weeks of dating: girlfriend, relationship, marriage, kids. I also pointed out the following actions I had never carried out: calling him first, texting him first, complaining about seeing him only once a week. All the evidence was clear, all this pressure was purely in Dr. Darren's head. Once he examined all the aspects I had presented, he realized I was right. His voice had a sense of calm now, I noticed he was breathing easier. He needed a week to think things over, I gave him two. I ended the conversation feeling uplifted, and having the upper hand. I'm not playing the waiting game even though it seems like it, I simply have left the dating door ajar for Darren in case he actually realizes how simple it is the just walk through that door.

Meanwhile if you remember in my blog "The Labyrinth," boy number 1, has suddenly decided to come back into my world again. He seems worthy of a name, so we will call him Jared. Jared sent me a text a few weeks ago letting me know he was now traveling Costa Rica. No big surprise for me, after six years I've always known Jared to be spontaneous and leave on a dime to whichever destination he desired. I ignored his text and went on with my life juggling between Jesse and Darren.

A day after Darren and I had had our talk I received a text,"Wish you were here." followed by several other texts: "I can't stop thinking about you," "It's weird how much I can't stop thinking about you," "Can't wait to come home to see you." Had Jared decided to finally come around? I didn't know whether to trust Jared, even though I had never received texts like this from him. I felt puzzled, and confused, I don't usually find myself in this position. If I considered Darren normal and stable, I definitely would define Jared as spontaneous and as unpredictable as a firecracker. Jared comes home from Costa Rica today, and like a good chess player I'm awaiting his next move, anticipating something unexpected.

I need to finally believe in myself, and realize I am the prize to be won here. If one of these guys thinks himself worthy of me, then fighting for me is the proper solution. I'm ready to be won, and I'm tired of having to defend for my own crown. I stand tall, my confidence stands with me, finally not pulling me down to the ground. If one of these men is truly my "Bashert" then I will let this situation be, and await for what is to come. After all if it's "Bashert", then it is truly meant to be.

"You can't say the wrong thing to the right person, and you can't say the right thing to the wrong person."
~A wise quote from a wise friend

The Devil Made Me Do It

2011-03-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

I forgot I left you all hanging! Over the weekend I attended a glorious Purim party and of course how could I not share the juicy details? As I mentioned in a previous blog, it was time to dust off the old Halloween Red Riding Hood costume and go venture out into a celebration that would be full of liquor, laughter, music, costumes, and much happiness and glee. I invited Jesse to come, I figured since we've been getting along so well it wouldn't be an issue. He was excited, he'd never been to a Purim party since he pretty much isn't Jewish. He dresses up as James Dean, or shall I say he dressed down. His supposed costume consisting of sunglasses and leather jacket, makes him look like any other guy that rides a motorcycle. I hadn't mentioned to anyone that I may be dating someone, so if people had questions, I might just have answers.

We arrive at the party, a nice restaurant called Andrea's, decorated and catered in full. I have had 2 drinks already, and making my rounds to see my friends makes me more affectionately friendly than usual. I let Jesse ca-noodle with the friends we have arrived with, as I go on my merry independent way. As I walk oh-so unstably, a very tall Satan walks up to me, a big smile on his face. "Have we met?" I ask. "No, but we should, I'm Darren." Darren I find out is 6"4, he removes his mask to reveal a really handsome face, olive skin, dark eyes, and a smile that definitely does not disappear so easily. His smile makes me think it probably would have suited him more to have dressed up as the Cheshire Cat. He tells me he's a doctor, quickly pulling out his certification. I'm thinking; of course you are, you're Jewish! Just as our conversation is flowing, Jesse grabs my arm. "We're taking shots Allyson, let's go!" I reluctantly say I'll catch Darren later and go on to take on more liquor than I should be.

Jesse is not afraid to show public affection, and tries to kiss me every chance I will let him have. I'm pretty sure being in a big crowd doesn't make us noticeable since no one has asked questions. I keep wandering around, people pulling me on the dance floor, and Darren constantly trying to swoop in. I'm feeling giddy, tipsy, and perhaps a little confused. I think the Devil has officially gotten to me, he is definitely the temptation as I am the sinner. Darren pushes for my number, I tell him to facebook me and something can suffice from there. I don't mean to be disloyal to Jesse, but what can I say? The Devil made me do it.

Jesse and I leave the party with our friends, and I only can contemplate what to do next. A few days later Darren contacts me on facebook asking me out, I see he doesn't waste time. I like Jesse, it's been such a fun week with him, but we're not exclusive, and I really don't feel future-esque about us. I must tell Darren, "yes."

So I have a date with Darren this weekend, the Datist taking another unexpected turn in the Labyrinth this seems to have become. I'd be lying if I didn't mention I'm excited to see the "Devil" again.

“Devils can be driven out of the heart by the touch of a hand on a hand, or a mouth on a mouth.”
~Tennessee Williams

The Labyrinth

2011-03-21T10:22:00.001-07:00

Last week felt like a labyrinth of confusion for me, every turn I would decide to take only leading me to a dead end, no channel or exit in sight. I had kissed not one, not two, but three boys last week! I now wasn't the only one in my labyrinth, my feelings also wanted an out from this endless maze, they needed a destination to seek. Each boy came with his own scenario, and one almost could have ended the whole Datist journey, but alas he blew it.

Boy Number 1, I've known for 6 years from college. We had never been exclusive, just an on again off again love affair that had died and then seen life again from out of no where. He was tall, attractive, one blue eye, one brown eye, and decided to make a surprise trip to my labyrinth over the weekend, and of course gave me last minute's notice as he liked to do. He started walking with me, wanting to help me find my exit to my oh-so confusing maze. I told him I only wished to escape this enigma with him as my companion if he finally decided to become exclusive with me. After 6 years I have realized that the more Number 1 tried to see me, the more I wished he wouldn't leave. He made me want to be the Datist no more. He was hesitant, said he wasn't opposed to being a no longer single man, and I so wanted to believe him. The more we wandered the maze together, the more he lagged behind. Eventually he disappeared entirely, no phone call in sight, and I was left to wander my labyrinth alone once more.

A few days later Boy Number 2 asked me out for a drink, mind you he and I had never met before. He was attractive and fun loving yet I only saw these two characteristics. We were suppose to find things in common, he being a wrestling coach, and a teacher at a school. I searched and searched yet he had no depth. He sought to end the Datist journey, make a girlfriend out of me. I knew that if I took his hand he would not leave me like Number 1 had. As much as I liked the idea of not being the Datist anymore, and having a real hand to hold, I knew Boy Number 2 wasn't the hand I wanted. He wandered with me, but only lead me to a dead end, and that is where the journey of Boy Number 2 ended.

Boy Number 3 was unexpectedly invited by a friend to a party I was throwing, and unexpectedly wandered into my labyrinth of confusion as well. I didn't see him as promising at first glance. He was handsome, curly blond hair, blue eyes, and about 7 years younger than me. He was so smart and so spunky, and even though I was so reluctant, I decided to follow him through my maze. In the end, it was Boy Number 3 who helped me find the end of the labyrinth, we made the escape together. His name was Jesse, and even though it was he I exited the maze with, it definitely did not mean my feelings found an out as well.

I've been dating Jesse for a few days now, I like him, and I believe his feelings are mutual. The question is, do I see the Datist ending her road trip anytime soon? Especially with someone so much younger than herself? I'm enjoying Jesse's presence as of now, but I'm pretty sure the journey of the Datist is far from over. Call it intuition, or maybe the feelings finding their way out of the maze, but the Datist seeks something so much more, and believes it's out there....Somewhere.

“Happiness, that grand mistress of the ceremonies in the dance of life, impels us through all its mazes and meanderings, but leads none of us by the same route.”
~Charles Caleb Colton

Getting Out Of The Funk

2011-03-05T19:21:00.000-08:00

I have been in denial, realizing that the more I swim in its waters the more I feel as if I'm drowning. What am I drowning in, you ask? Let's just say I'm swimming in some sort of caramel substance, struggling to go anywhere. This doesn't seem fathomable to a competitive swimmer, I need a rescue tube quick! (preferably in a form of a very cute boy!) Yes, the Datist is in a dating funk of some sort. I've had no desire for a sudden raise of hope only to be let down all too soon. When I started writing my blog I felt I was ready for whatever came my way, ready to pick up all hitchhikers on the dating road trip. Has dating now jaded me? Am I now purposely passing by hitchhikers in every which direction? Perhaps the pickings have become slimmer, or I've just become a slimmer pickier person. In any case since I've been feeling less optimistic than usual my friend Mike has encouraged me to write this blog, so I'm dedicating this to him.

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of Jewish Singles events, I was invited to one that actually looked like a good Datist time. A St.Patrick's March Madness house party/Shabbas dinner, needless to say, and no pun intended, very very unorthodox. Okay I was down, "to the Datist Mobile!"

I wear a cute black dress, my red pea coat, I feel a little too dressed up for the occasion. I arrive at this mansion of a house in Huntington Beach, my heart is pounding, why am I feeling so nervous? I walk in, put down the bottle of wine I have brought on the counter. I scan the scene, I feel like Robocop, filtering my surroundings, already spotting the men I find attractive. In the process of my scan, to my surprise I spot Jonathan, who was the star of my "Savor and Stroll" blog maybe 8 months ago. I give him a quick wave, as I grab a beer from the kitchen. I'm enthralled with this mansion, it's absolutely stunning, 3 stories, a pool as well as a gazebo in the backyard. I immediately decide I need to get into whatever work the owner of the house seems to have accomplished.

I get acquainted with my surroundings, make premature rounds, and then decide to take a trip to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror I apply a fresh coat of lip gloss and make a reassessment of the mission I'm going on tonight. I finish up and walk out as my friend Susanne suddenly steps in ready to introduce me to Peter, my now known mission for the night.

Peter is cute, very tall, a thin frame, dark hair bright blue eyes and the scar under his chin makes him look just rugged enough to be dangerous. He's actually Susanne's cousin, her Russian cousin, and she's definitely pushing him on me. Susanne is officially my new best friend and wing woman at this party. She's encouraging me to be less Robocop-ish, more comfortable in my skin, and of course the few shots of Vodka I just took with her, doesn't hurt either.

I partake in the festivities, play beer pong with Jonathan as my partner. Despite my intoxicated state, I'm a big contributer to our game, we're winning. I shoot my ping pong ball into the opposing teams last cup standing, and..... I score! I go bask in my glory with Peter, able to flirt with ease. My now new found confidence allowing the Datist mobile to slow down, ready to do a pick up.

The rest of the night feels like a blur, we end up kissing in a bedroom, we're all over each other. At this point I know I'm feeling hazy, yet I still have enough common sense to know where I don't want to this date to go. I tell him I'm not thinking clearly and I should go home, like clockwork he pulls himself away. The change in his demeanor is not subtle, he decides to give me the silent treatment now. I try talking to him some more, ease the awkwardness I've now created. It doesn't work as I'm pretty sure Peter thinks I'm now officially a waste of his time. I'm thinking I probably shouldn't have wasted his time in the first place if this was all he was expecting. Why can't "just" talking and flirting over a few drinks not suffice for the night? Why do men just assume we're gonna go "there?" I need to adjust the signals I'm giving out apparently, a lower setting is needed.

I also take into account that trying to communicate on a deeper level doesn't work when drinking an alcoholic beverage. I think I may have missed the Surgeon General's quote in small print clearly on the label, "WARNING: When drinking an alcoholic beverage do not attempt to have a deep conversation with someone of the opposite sex." That Surgeon General seems like a smart guy, wonder if he has any more helpful dating tips for me. A proper Surgeon General's label would probably do my own guidelines some good.

After yet another Datist escapade, I know I must not let this discourage me. I just need to find new opportunities to bounce back, to not let my funk have too much of its way with me. On a brighter note the Jewish drunken holiday of Purim will be upon us soon. For those who don't know, Purim is a holiday where costumes and alcohol are abundant, in other words, an extremely liqueured up version of Halloween. I'm thinking the Little Red Riding Hood costume needs to be taken out of the closet and dusted off, I sense it's feeling just as restless as me.

“A hard fall means a high bounce... if you're made of the right material.”
~Author Unknown

Predictable Dominos

2011-02-20T23:35:00.000-08:00

Bad dates seem to have a domino effect, one happens and so many others seem to follow. Perhaps a streak of bad luck on my part, but leaving no harmful lasting effects of course. Still able to start the ol' Datist mobile without stalling or engine problems, maybe just a flat tire or two.

I needed a Datist jump start though, and I saw an opportunity in Chance. Chance is 35, and the identical twin of Dr. Dorian of the show "Scrubs," both in looks as well as personality. I knew this date would have a predictable outcome, oh how I love having dating ESP!

Dr. Dorian, er...I mean Chance and I go to the Yardhouse in Costa Mesa to grab a drink. He's a civil engineer, and in the process of becoming a yoga instructor, so a nerd and a free spirit, can I fall in love now? We have fun sitting at the bar, he tells me about how he grew up in Texas, went to university out there and then moved out here 7 years ago. I keep listening for his Southern drawl, but it's only existent when he says "y'all."

There's a DVD playing in front of us at the bar, it's so hard not being distracted by it, gosh some people are stupid! I quickly discover that watching these people get into snowboarding accidents by pulling stupid stunts entertains me. I keep naming injuries as I watch people fall in different positions, "broken back," "broken hip," "broken nose," and then my priceless quote, "broken head." We have great chemistry as I of course predicted, and I'm pretty sure the "kiss me" sign on my back will show up at some time during the night.

We end our date in my car, talking and kissing till 5am, knowing I'll regret this at work in the morning. Not even coffee can suffice when only getting 3 hours of sleep, I simply will be a walking zombie. This date makes my craving for "brains" so worth it though, Zombie Allyson will prevail!

It's been a few days now and still no sign of life from Chance, this I actually couldn't predict. Dates that end in a kiss are like strawberries at the moment, just not in season. I consider myself lucky if I can find one good batch at this time, when found I enjoy every single one, and yes I finish them all in one sitting. So hopefully one good date will bring upon another, the dating domino effect in reverse. Unfortunately for both the blog and me, it just won't be with Dr. Dorian.

“If life were predictable it would cease to be life, and be without flavor.”
~Eleanor Roosevelt

The Glory Of The Red Flag

2011-02-20T13:48:00.000-08:00

Oh the red flags, we're always looking for at least one or two when a new dating prospect comes into our lives. At first they may show up in small packages, maybe he isn't the happiest person in the world, or perhaps he is quite frugal when it comes to finances. Red flags can be different for each individual as some of us might have more patience for certain flaws they may find. Only what happens when the flags you see are HUGE, waving so high in the air, you wonder how on earth you could have missed them?

Rich seems so interestingly quirky when we meet at the Gypsy. I don't mind quirky, I afterall have many different quirks myself. He has an interesting sense of humor, seems very smart, likes to ride his motorcycle, has a few tattoos, and actually Jewish. He's pretty good looking, high cheek bones, mysterious blue eyes, wild dark brown hair, and a nice smile. He's 34, has a good job as a computer tech, and from I can tell he seems to have his act together.
Our date is a pleasant one, we talk about our lives, what we do, how we grew up. Rich has a somewhat interesting life, as he was a adopted and was raised by a wonderful Jewish family in New York.

Our date goes nicely and I feel very comfortable with Rich. Rich mentions that he had moved out here because his 19 year old girlfriend had persuaded him to. I need to put the pause button on for a few seconds. Rich only moved out here last March and is almost 35. A 19 year old girlfriend?? Really? I decide to inquire as to why their relationship ended, as he tells me she had fallen in love with a fellow employee at the starbucks she was working at. Well of course she did, she's 19! I make the decision to not share my thoughts as the red flag has started to rise right before me.

Despite this red flag that has me on the look out for more, I decide to see Rich again for a second date. Rich suggests we go to an improv show in Los Angeles. I don't particularly enjoy dates in LA, specifically since we have the improv in Irvine, and Rich lives 5 minutes from it. I am agreeable despite my feelings, as long as I'm not driving. I've started noticing that I spend more time on the road than actually working.

I get to Rich's place all ready to go, as Rich mentions I'm doing the driving. "I'm confused," I say, "Do you not have a car?". Rich points to his motorcycle, his only mode of transportation apparently, which I'm just finding out now. I feel kind of awkward telling Rich I'm not comfortable driving to LA so late as I just came from work in Torrance.( 40 minutes aways up North)

Rich acts understanding, but in my mind a new red flag has been found in the form of "miscommunication." We stay in, decide to hang out and chat in his non-furnished apartment, we actually are sitting on the floor.

Rich now takes the time to share an abundance of information, and as you can imagine an abundance of red flags as well.

LIST OF RICH'S RED FLAGS

1. Last girlfriend was actually an escort.

2. He supported it.

3. He was a "swinger" with her, and believes this to be healthy, since we as humans aren't meant to be monogamous.

4. The girl he dated before had decided to slit her wrists and he decided it would be a good idea to ask her to marry him after only knowing her for a month. In other words, he is very impulsive.

5. His tattoos are of snakes and naked ladies, I'm just not feeling them.

I may not be an expert when it comes to dating, but being a swinger to heighten my sex life with my soul mate? Maybe I just need a new soul mate! These warning signs seem to be in red alert form, showing yellow signs of "Road Hazards" ahead. I feel the Datist could easily get into a serious accident with signs like these on the road trip. I think I'll just avoid these roads all together, save myself from a needless car crash of heart ache. Rich and I both leave our date the two of us as stalemates. I may not always know exactly what I want in a man, but I definitely know what I don't want! Rich isn't a bad guy, he just isn't the one for me.

"One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning."
~James Russell Lowell

The Datist (Tries To) Dance Salsa!

2011-02-02T23:06:00.000-08:00

At a very young age my mother decided that my feet were not destined for the art of dancing. She noticed that I didn't follow a beat, I liked to move in every which direction, and definitely did not follow that direction very well. Instead of ballet or jazz classes she decided to enroll me in swim lessons, and that's where my talent stemmed. Hence I am now the coach of a very wonderful and rowdy swim team.

I had neither messaged Noel, nor stalked his profile on my dating site, yet he wrote me:

"You seem fun and friendly. It would be great to meet you. If you want to join me with some friends salsa dancing we'll be going out to the Atomic Ballroom in Irvine for a lesson and some dancing Wednesday night. It's great fun to dance and flirt with the hot Latin dancers ;-) and you can feel free to invite friends. Let me know if you want to go." ~ Noel

I needed a change of scene for a date, needed to take a break from dinner and coffee, this was the perfect opportunity to accomplish that. I figured I would be be learning the basics, Noel possibly being as clumsy with his steps as I would be. Well as you may have seen in my past, things don't usually go the way I seem to plan them out in my head.

Noel meets me at the Atomic Ballroom, he's tall, about 6"0, blond, blue eyed, and a strong jaw line. As he walks in I suddenly notice he has dance shoes in hand. Yes, he has actual dance shoes!! All of a sudden I realize this guy means business, he's in the advanced class, and I'll be using my 2 left feet with the other left foot-ists in the beginners group.

I stand in the back row with some other shy pupils, making sure I can still view the dance instructor completely. The basic steps seem pretty easy to me, once I stop over analyzing every step I'm taking. We're now rotating dance partners, and I start to realize that dancing the salsa is a little bit like speed dating, we spend a few step-ball-changes together and I get twirled around a few times before we switch to the next partner. I have my feet stepped on by "lanky guy", and then get twirled the wrong way with "cold clammy hands" guy. I make sure to stay upbeat, try to get all my fellow beginners energized, my philosophy being, "fake it till ya make it." Even though I'm pretty sure I'm stepping in all the wrong directions, I'm having a great time. An hour goes by all too soon, but the ballroom stays open, and the after-hour dancing begins!

Noel finally catches up with me, and offers a dance, puts his hand out and here we go! He's amazing, knows how to do the motion with the ocean! I'm impressed and feeling a little self-conscious that I don't really have happy feet. Noel is patient with me, till I get somewhat of a rhythm going before the song ends. Noel then proceeds to ask the more experienced dancers to dance with him. With Noel gone, all my favorite amateurs come looking for me, grabbing my arm for a awkward dance that will be full of effort. I'm happy to dance with them, as they don't seem to notice how much I'm staring at my own feet. I'm thinking their own feet must need their undivided attention as well.

I notice Noel dancing with a pretty girl who definitely knows when and where to put her feet. He introduces her to me as Karen, another girl he invited to come out to salsa class (obviously the advanced class). Hhhmmm, so was I just a back up plan in case she had flaked? Does this mean that I have been fooled by my brain yet again into thinking this was an actual date?? Curses! Foiled again!

The night starts to wind down as less and less dancers are entering the dance floor, and moving towards the exit. I mention to Noel that I think I should be going. He offers to walk me to my car, but needs to go find Karen first to bid her a good night. I simply say he doesn't have to walk me out as I'm a self-sufficient woman, and I have a feeling my "kiss me" sign is definitely not stuck to my back tonight.

Noel hugs me tightly, says he hopes I can come back and take another class with him. You know, I think I would rather spend my money on boxing classes, because that's a little bit more my style: sloppy, violent, and hardcore!! Nevertheless, I thank Noel for showing me that despite my talentless rhythm, I may just have a little case of the "happy feet."

"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance."
~Japanese Proverb

Wait Wait! What Just Happened??

2011-01-26T21:35:00.000-08:00

I never thought I would have to ask this, but tonight's experience has forced this questioning upon me. Ladies, how do you usually know that a date is truly a DATE? Due to the many experiences I have had in the past year, I had come to the conclusion that if a guy requests your company for an evening meal, you should assume you're on a date, a real date. Another question that has been prompted upon me, who should take out their wallet when the bill comes? This answer is obvious to most of us, especially yours truly. Suppose a man on rare occasion wants to go Dutch on the first date, do you not deserve a simple request for your compensation? I must have answers...I need the Holy Grail of dating right now!

I've been flirting online with Austin for a month or so, he has just moved out to Orange County from Georgia. He's a rock climber, has a job in graphic design and is 29 years old. He's adorable, long black hair, green eyes, a button nose and such a hippy! He meets me wearing a tye dyed bandanna to keep his hair back, he wears jeans, and a stripped shirt. He's a inch shorter than me, which I usually don't find appealing but his cute Southern accent compensates and I accept the trade with ease. We have dinner at The Gypsy, I know y'all are sick of me talking about this place, but hands down it's the PERFECT place for a date! Austin is smart, worldly, funny, and so many different abundances of words, it's hard not to like him. We're flirting, laughing, as well as wanting to make future plans to rock climb. How could I not think this is a date?

After 2 hours our server brings our bill, and at The Gypsy, the bills are never more than $20, and that's for a 2 people meal! We go to the front to pay, I'm not really paying attention, to the process Austin is doing at hand, I just assume he's settling our tab. I've been on 60 dates, and I would think if a man wanted to go Dutch with me, he would ask if I "minded" first. Thinking that his card had covered us both, I start to walk away. Austin suddenly looks up saying, "I didn't cover you, sorry, we're gonna split this." Feeling so extremely mortified and start doing my imitation of a tomato, I slip the teller my card. Uhh...What just happened?

Austin walks me back to my car, and I'm all jittery now, pretending that what just happened, didn't actually happen. Austin is from "The South!" Does that not mean he's a Southern gentleman? One that holds the door open, pulls a chair out for a lady, and of course ALWAYS pays on the first date. He's standing next to me as we make small chit-chat before he leaves...He's getting closer to me, does he wanna kiss me? After what just happened? Or didn't happen? Austin leaves me with a strong embrace and says we should go rock climbing on Saturday. I'm hoping that he doesn't have a high opinion of me at this point, and is only saying we should have a re-encounter just to humor me. All I can think about right now is how great it would be to actually become an ostrich, so I can go bury my head in the dirt. If it provides comfort for this animal then surely it'll bring the same to me.

I know that there's no written law about men compensating for all on the first date, but shouldn't there be an unwritten law on it? Or if you really need to go Dutch, can't you warn a girl first? I've been hit by a dating curb ball, it left a mark I'm going to be obsessing about for a little while. From this point on the Datist will never make another assumption EVER again!

"We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions."
~Stephen Covey

The Love Child of Hitler and Mary Poppins

2011-01-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

I decided that the Datist needed to start out this new year with a bang...Uh no, not that kind of "bang!" Get your minds out of the gutter guys, seriously! I was feeling ambitious, maybe a little too ambitious, men started coming out of the wood work left and right. I started to feel like I was suddenly a participant in a dodge ball game, getting pegged with prospects from every direction. I find myself now dodging more and more men in waiting, not wanting to play the game as much as I used to. If I wasn't already, I've become more finicky about who I go on a date with now, more than usual.

I keep forgetting to mention it, I don't know exactly how it became so, but Connor and I are now FRIENDS. Not just friends, GOOD friends! We've been meeting up for occasional dinners, laughing, telling jokes, and no dating pressure! Connor, who I had pegged the "Island of many returns," has a serious girlfriend now, and I have to say I am truly so happy for him. I know what you all are thinking: How can I not be jealous? How can I go on and pretend we weren't involved?? Well I'll tell you, I don't know whether it's because I'm growing wiser in old age, (I'll be 30 this month), or that I'm just able to let things go easier. Being "Zen-y" seems to suit me well, I'm just perfectly at peace with it. Besides, you all know I HATE dwelling in the past, so I'm gonna go ahead and enjoy my new friendship! We went out to dinner last night, I had a pressing matter to discuss, I needed guidance on how to get my dating life in 2011 on to a good start. (Did I mention Connor gives amazing dating advice?)

Connor listens intently, as I tell him about a few of the dates I have lined up already for this month. Talking to Connor, I start listening to my own tone, having a realization for my own body language, he knows I'm dreading the newest prospects. "You don't have to go on all these dates, you know?" He says to me. "Uh, yeah I do, I'm on a mission for my dating blog." Yes, Connor now is officially the second male I've dated that knows about my blog and that I've blogged about him. Due to my some of my latest escapades including my play time in Orlando, I sense Connor's worried about my relationship well being. I assure him it'll all be fine, I'm the dating vet, the dating guru, I'm The Datist for God's sake! Yet I know my dating feels like a chore at times, finding myself trying to collect any scrap or tidbit for my blog when I can.

My first date of the new year is named Dash, an ex-marine, 28 years old, in college for his bachelors, and also a father to a 2 year old son. Dash is pleasant to look at, 5"11, light brown hair, very light piercing blue eyes, a baby face, I have to sum him up as "cute." We decide to go to Memphis for dinner, if I haven't mentioned this before, this place is definitely a must for a date! It's quite cozy with a southern tinge to it, and serves fried spinach you'll wanna take home and learn how to make yourself.

Dash is from Philadelphia, grew up in a Catholic family with 3 brothers and 2 sisters. He's not religious anymore so he empathizes with my childhood, as it is quite similar to his. He has a little Midwest charm going for him as well, I like how he pulls my chair out for me. Dash is what I would call the strong silent type, the kind of man my father thinks I need to be with. I'm liking Dash, but something does hold me back, knowing in the back of my mind he has a 2 year old son. Yes, I know I'm a behavioral therapist and a swim coach, kids are indeed my life and livelyhood. I do believe that I'd like to have one myself one day, but something freaks me out about having someone else's kid in my life. I try to shake it off, but we are definitely right on target for topic, because his son is now the bullseye. I suddenly find myself playing "Super Nanny," as Dash tells me how he has a hard time disciplining his 2 year old. His ex-girlfriend seems to have a different set of guidelines of how to raise this little boy. I go into therapist mode, giving Dash solutions to every problem he seeks, I know I'm not a parent, but hey I was giving some splendid advice!

PROBLEM: The 2 year was continuously opening the fridge, pulling things out without asking.

SOLUTION: Get a child lock for the fridge!

PROBLEM: The 2 year old wasn't listening, and doing as he pleases in the house.

SOLUTION: Give him a time out, "Super Nanny" style!

It went on like this for a while, Dash was so impressed that I knew so much about kids. Hell, I was impressed, especially since I think I'd make a horrible parent! I think I'm just good at disciplining, after all I do make a surprisingly mean swim coach. I know my unexperienced parental advice would have made "Super Nanny" very proud. This show is the equivalent of a hot fudge sundae to me, a real guilty pleasure! Listen, some people really love "trashy" Jersey Shore, which I can proudly say I have never tuned into. I, on the other hand am perfectly content with Nanny Jo, whom I believe to be the true love child of Hitler and Mary Poppins!

The date ended after an hour and a half, and Dash as his gentleman self walks me to my car. I hug him good bye, but he has different intentions as he suddenly pulls me towards him, puts his lips on mine. It's not that he's a bad kisser, on the contrary he's rather good! I just don't feel anything, no excitement, no butterflies, absolutely nothing! Am I numb?? Have I desensitized? Here's a good guy, has his act together, not bad looking, and I'm just not into it.

Maybe I was just caught off guard, or maybe I just couldn't feel any chemistry? Perhaps that "Kiss Me" sign once again has found its way back to it's happy place, on my back. For whatever the reason I just don't feel like getting up for a second helping of Dash in my new New Year.

Happy Datist New year to everyone! May you have many successes in your dating life this year! If not, may you find yourself in many different beds this year! As for those who have found what you're looking for already, may it last for many many years to come!

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”
~Oprah Winfrey

Uncomfortable

2010-12-20T14:42:00.001-08:00

A first date in itself can be quite uncomfortable, especially when it's a blind one. I've come to the point where I am able to cut through the jungles of discomfort, and am able to navigate through any date no matter the extremes. Discomfort, uncomfortable, feeling awkward, definitely not found in my dating vocabulary! Lurking in the shadows, I didn't know there was a different kind of evil out there, one I was not prepared to face. This evil presented itself as physical discomfort, it slyly made it's way through my door, it was quite ugly. In this case Trial and Error also decided to make a guest appearance on my date. Oh lucky me!

I meet William at the Yardhouse, a place where the beer choices are endless, there's something for everyone. William is 33, blue eyes, my height, a bit of a stocky body, and short sandy colored hair. He's a coach for a few baseball teams in the area, and has coached all over Europe as well as Australia. I'm thinking this will be an interesting date, I definitely want to hear of all his travels. Perhaps I could learn new things about coaching, I'm always hopeful for a tickling of the mind.

As we start to converse, I start to sneeze. It's not a light sneezing, it turns into 2, then 3, and then 10. I need a tissue or rather an abundance of tissues. We're squeezed so close together at the bar, and it's getting harder for me not to face him as I sneeze. A head cold is coming on, I can feel it, it decides the night time is the right time. On top of this, the bar seats are making my butt sweat, I'm sticking to this cushion of a chair. I keep squirming in my seat, but my butt is bathing in perspiration, and no one notices except me. Why isn't the "Uncomfortable Fairy" showing up?

The Legend of the Uncomfortable Fairy: She is the fairy that gives a person money and gifts in exchange for their uncomfortable moments. I'm in need her magic wand to undo the issues I'm feeling right now! Since she's apparently too "busy" to appear at the moment, I'm feeling kinda stuck, literally my butt is now officially glued to my seat. Thanks a lot "Uncomfortable Fairy" for not showing up in my time of need! I think Santa has a better chance of showing up at the bar right about now! So now I'm sick, my butt has a fever, and the frosting that covers the cake is our topic of conversation, all he can talk about is coaching!

What do you like to eat? My favorite food is a peanut butter and coach sandwich, with coaching on the side. What do you do for fun? I like to coach. Where are you from? Coach City. What's Your favorite holiday song? "Tis' the season to be coaching, cha la la la cha la la la..." Coaching is literally coming out of my ears, or maybe just his mouth. I try to dissuade the conversation, open another door of topic, but coaching seems to show up with flowers every time.

I left the date ready to take some Nightquil, crawl under my covers, and spend some serious quality time with my pillow. Perhaps I should seriously consider taking my pillow out for a drink, we like being close together, and seem to have much more in common. I can see it now, my new facebook status: Allyson is in a relationship with her pillow. After my date with William the coach, that actually sounds pretty good!

"Be willing to be uncomfortable. Be comfortable being uncomfortable. It may get tough, but it's a small price to pay for living a dream."
~Peter McWilliams

Someone Just Like You

2010-12-20T13:32:00.000-08:00

There's a hard obstacle to get over when it comes to leaving behind a lifestyle you held on to most diligently. When I decided to leave my religion and leave everything behind me, I still felt my suitcase or rather baggage dragging behind me. If you opened it, you would find a prayer book, a bunch of conservative clothing, a judgmental mentality, Sabbath candles, and a bunch of other artifacts that involved orthodox Judaism. Even though I feel this bag gets smaller and smaller as I travel on, I'm sure it'll always drag behind me. I just must remember to never let it drag me down! I'm discovering everyday that there are quite a few like me, but I never imagined I'd find one of my dating site.

His name is "Shane," the English name he gave himself when he left behind his old life. He has just moved to Newport beach from Brooklyn, "Yiddisha" Brooklyn, known as Crown Heights. He says he's ready for the change of scenery, trading in tall buildings for sunny beaches. I told him we should meet at the Gypsy, since you all know is my safe haven. He likes it, wants to make it his safe haven as well. Shane and I "get" each other, we can use the same "Jewy" words no one else uses. He's more a vet when it comes to this non-religious thing, he's been doing it for at least 6 years. I like Shane, I want him to be my mentor, I need someone to fall back on when I start struggling with my thoughts.

Shane is very good looking, tall, blue eyes, very short brown hair . It's not that I don't find him attractive, it's the fact that I need someone like him in my life. I realize that if I do make this romantic, I may lose an ally. One kiss and I could screw this up so easily, lose it before I've gained it. I continue to enjoy Shane's company, as we sit and have dinner and coffee. I'm not sure if he's flirting with me, at the same time I don't care. This connection is making me dizzy, I wish there were more of us in this world. At the end of the date, Shane gets close to me, I'm not sure if he wants to kiss me, I can't read him. He hugs me good bye at my car, winds his hands around my waist, under my jacket, maybe to keep his hands warm. Our hug is long, lasts for more than a minute, I think he is debating whether he wants our intimate moment to happen. It passes, and we decide that we will hang out again soon. I know I can help his transition to the OC become a smooth venture.

I leave wondering, contemplating how I truly feel about this one. Shane will make a great companion, someone I want to keep close to me. As far as romance goes, I rather have a strong alliance with him, than anything else. If there happens to be a speed bump that brings on a romance, so be it. For now I just need Shane, a friend who knows where I'm coming from, and where I'm going.

"I believe that friends are quiet angels who sit on our shoulders and lift our wings when we forget how to fly."
~ Author Unknown

I Have Been Awarded

2010-12-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

As I was starting out my adventure of a vacation in oh-so-cold Florida, my friend Neomie let me know that she had graciously awarded me the Stylish Blogger Award! I was so honored, as she told me I was her true inspiration to start a blog, here's her link:
http://20somethin21st.blogspot.com/
Now there is a catch to accepting this award, mind you, it's not a bad one. Alas even though I seem to run right over the rules with my imaginary monster truck, today I'll abide.

Here are the rules to accepting this award!
1. Thank the person who sent the award to you.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award on to bloggers who you think are awesome!
4. Contact the bloggers you picked and let them know about the award!

1) I hereby Thank Neomie Eliezer for awarding me this wonderful award, and will accept it with all my gratitude and of course heart. =)

2) One: I have been a triathlete for 4 years now, and have done the Half Iron Man, which demolished me completely. I seriously could neither walk nor function for 5 days. Since I feel being a cripple for that amount of time is necessary, I shall so it again next year.

Two: I lived in Israel from age 14-19, completed all my schooling there in an all girls school. Despite being a male-free atmosphere, I kid you not, I had the time of my life.

Three: I grew up in a religious family, as my parents were "born again" Jews when I was a kid. As you can see I gave up religion not too long ago, but I am still spiritual. I secretly believe Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Harri Krishna, Joseph Smith, and Muhammad had a secret alliance called the Super Duper Friends,(Yes God definitely was the ring leader!) each one has inspired me to lead my life as a good one!

Four: I find Jesus at least once a year, usually on Halloween. Sometimes he shows up as a tall man, or sometimes a small man, and I've even seen a baby Jesus once or twice. I'll usually go up to people at the Santa Monica street carnival (on Halloween) and ask if they have found Jesus. They look at me quizzically saying they're not Christian, I simply say, "Well I know he's here somewhere, he was right over there a minute ago."

Five: One of my main goals in life is to acquire a six-pack. It only has to appear for maybe a minute, but at least I'll know I've had it for a period of time, no matter how short. It actually might be easier to acquire a six-pack of beer, so at least I can accomplish the next best thing!

Six: Bananas, coconuts, peaches, plums, pears, and many many other fruits freak me out. It's actually a texture thing, I'm truly a fruit-a-phobic! Yet there is no vegetable under the sun that I won't eat.

Seven: I usually have sex on the brain all the time, in that sense I am definitely a man. I do believe, as I have reliable sources, many in the female population share my thoughts as well. I am aware though, it's suppose to be a secret, don't worry ladies, your secret is safe with me!

3) I'm awarding my 3 blogger awards to the Rachel Bryski who writes The Protein Pancake, she never ceases to give me new ideas for workouts and keeps me motivated. Next I award the stylish blog award to Rebecca Nero for Becky's Big Bites for constantly making my mouth water. The 3rd bloglist is a little more anonymous, and you have to be on her VIP list to read her blog, but her charisma and random thoughts are to die for! She goes by EXPO, and writes, From The vortex @blogspot. Oh! I must recognize one more, my dear friend Heather Korn who can make anything into poetry, from Dentistry to peanut butter! Yes, somehow she knows how to make it work, her blog is Poetry For the Moetry! You'll never look at your dentist the same way again!

Thank you to all my followers who read my blog, and keep me inspired to continue driving on my ever so crazy yet ambitious dating road trip!

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.”
~Karen Ravn

Vacationing with the Datist

2010-12-14T22:06:00.000-08:00

Vacations are so crucial to our mental as well as physical health. We think that a weekend without work is enough of recovery, that it's all we need to take a break from our realities. I hadn't taken a vacation in almost 3 years, yes I believed it was time. My family invited me to travel with them to Florida, a state supposedly warm, has an abundance of palm trees,and full of alligators. A definite vacationers haven, I should know, it was my place of residence for 2 years. There were certainly alligators and just as many palm trees, but the weather was so cold, it refused to rise above 40. I'm guessing mother nature forgot to turn up the thermostat, or possibly felt a need to bundle up. No beaches and bikinis for us, we mostly saw family, friends, and did a little site seeing.

We went to Miami, a much needed visit to see my aunt and cousin. With the wonderful companionship my cousin offered, I got to mingle with the hippies, watch her blow fire and dance with it. I even did some stand up, spur of the moment, I got up to do open mic night at a random bar. Standing up there on stage, I introduced myself as the Serial Datist, and offered my audience stories of my dating journeys, and the adventures I had endured. I was funny, I could hear people laughing, I was so nervous, yet no one seemed to notice. We had started in Fort Lauderdale, went on to Miami, and onward to Orlando, where my father had a business convention at the Rosen Creek Hotel. The hotel was amazing, so big, so exquisite, and was to throw a wonderful cocktail party for my father's business associates, with lots of free drinks. That cocktail party is where I found my date, one of the performers hired to entertain the yuppies.

These performers are truly amazing, walking on bouncing stilts, flipping every which way. There's about 4 of them, all very good looking, all flirtatious with their audience. A cute and rather young one starts walking towards me, puts his arm around me, says it'll help him keep his balance. (Oh, I bet it will.) He's only 20, an infant, but he's so adorable, blond, blue eyed, long lashes, strong tight gymnast body. His name is Brandon, his boyish smile is giving me a hard time as I'm pretending to resist. Just call me Mrs. Robinson, this is definitely the true definition of cradle robbing. He starts to push me for my number, I can't help it, I have to cave. Not even an hour later, after his shift ends, he sends me coy and enticing messages, he asks me out for the next night. I'm on vacation, I take the wheel, I figure life is short, so why not?

He takes me to the movies, picks me up in his jeep, love this car! He wants to hold my hand as we walk to the theater, I let him, I'm actually feeling a craving for affection. We cuddle in the theater, find seats in the back, I wonder how much older than him I look. He kisses me, I kiss him back, the movie we're watching has gotten brilliant reviews and yet we couldn't care less. When the movie finishes, we're not even aware till the lights come on. Is this what it feels like to be 20 again? Why did I ever grow up?

He drives me back to the hotel, we go for a walk on the golf course, I don't want to go back to the room yet. "You should just move here." He says, "Yes I'm sure your nice religious Christian parents would love me." I say back, my sarcasm lacing around my words. We end the night kissing in his car, I tell him to keep in touch, yet I know he won't. I feel certain this is a proper vacation fling, a relationship that can only last during a leave of absence from reality.

How I wish I could be rescued from my actuality more often, it would make falling in love so much easier. Perhaps this is why it is so hard to find someone to fall in love with, why chasing butterflies seems to make us want to throw away our nets. We seem to live in reality so often that the concept of finding eternal bliss with one person is quite the unbelievable phenomenon nowadays. Maybe love is just a vacation in itself, an island I have not set my foot on for a while.

I'm just running away with myself now, taking the dating road trip for a little off-roading. Sometimes there's a need for that too, but then we eventually have to return from our travels, back to the main road. It seems that when we're having too much fun, it becomes too easy to lose track of the time.

"A traveler am I and a navigator, and every day I discover a new region within my soul."
~ Kahlil Gibran

Speed Dating with Dr. Seuss

2010-11-29T21:22:00.000-08:00

Have you ever tried Speed Dating? If you have not, you should. These kind of things are fun, and fun is good. Sorry guys lately I've been on a Dr. Seuss kick, so if I break out into rhyme, it's only because one of my cases desires to read "One Fish, Two Fish" 3 times a session. For those of you who question why I would do this, I'm actually a behavior therapist for autistic children. Where was I? Ah yes, Speed Dating! Speed Dating attracts a very interesting crowd, one that most don't see themselves as too proud. That's why they're here you see, because it's hard to date outside so comfortably. People from all nationalities and personalities, and all walks of life, but most men aren't here to really find a wife. Most people here, are socially inept, and since you only get 5 minutes for each person, you will not get too much in depth. The trick here is, you see, is to be friendly to each, as friendly as can be, so those 5 minutes aren't spent so awkwardly. So I encourage you to try it, It's not so bad, trust me, there are much worse experiences in your dating life, to be had.

The event itself is at a lounge, called Kemira, both sexy and sassy at the same time. This would definitely be another place I'd recommend to go on a date, especially if you live in the OC. I am greeted but a very smiley, perky lady, the organizer of our speed dating venture. Her name is Katheryn, and definitely was born to be some sort of hostess or greeter, this job is absolutely meant for her. There are both 10 girls as well as 10 guys in attendance here, everyone seems a little nervous and a bit anxious. We are taken to ten different tables, each of us have our name tags on, we are officially ready for this. Katheryn takes out a little bell which will signify that the session is over, and a new one is about to begin. The little bell jingles and we now have 5 minutes with 10 different strangers, eager to see if anything here will suffice. I can tell that I have no interest in most of these men, but it doesn't matter to me. This is a chance to be both friendly as well as social, and help develop my listening skills. When speed dating, I make sure to be nice to EVERYONE, make sure those 5 minutes are spent pleasantly, no matter who the person is. I notice many girls do not practice this, want to show their lack of interest right away. Guys in this case, are much more polite, trying to make some effort at each conversation. It's better to go this route in my personal opinion, after all, it's highly unlikely you'll see any of these prospects ever again.

I'm on person number 8, I have 2 more men to go. Number 9 is tall, very handsome in a clean cut sort of way, blue eyes, brown hair and glasses. His name is Drew, he's an engineer, and very athletic as well! Smart, cute, slightly geeky, so my type! From the moment he sits down we're definitely able to hold each other's interest. We have so much to talk about, we can't even get down to the basics. We don't ask about birthplace, profession, or what we're looking for in a person, too impersonal. We are having a normal conversation, as if we already have known each other for a long time. The bell rings too fast, and he is on the the next table, I can see all the other girls eying him. The night ends, and even though I only met 1 guy I liked out of 10, it's enough for me.

Tomorrow an email will be sent, whether the impression I made on drew, has left a slight dent. I'll cross my fingers just in case, if something evolves, I'll try to take this at a different pace. So wish me luck, because who knows, if this happens, I'll let you know how it all goes!

"You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you will be the guy who'll decide where you'll go. Oh the places you'll go."
~Dr. Seuss

Shattered Fairy Tales

2010-11-20T11:41:00.000-08:00

Once upon time in the far away land of Orange County, there was a princess. The princess had everything she desired, friends, a kingdom, a beautiful life, but was yet to find her prince charming. There was a rumor throughout the land that a sorceress had turned a prince into a frog. To break the spell the frog prince had to be kissed by a princess, and then he would return to his human form. So the princess made a point to seek out this very frog. She took the initiative and kissed as many frogs as she could, some toads even. Eventually after kissing most of the amphibian population in the land she was starting to get frustrated, prince charming was probably a legend, she thought. As she was ready to give up, a frog much different from the rest appeared on her doorstep. The princess figured she had nothing to lose and gave the new frog a kiss.

To the princess's surprise, this one was indeed the true prince, it was love at first sight for both of them. The princess had finally finished her long search, and surely thought this was truly her "ever after." As the weeks went by the prince's attention towards the princess began to waver, becoming more and more distant everyday. She finally confronted him, wondering what could possibly be distracting his thoughts from her. He did not wish to conceal his feelings he had been ready to confess this for a while now. The love the princess had given him had reawakened his love for his ex-princess, one he had been with before he was turned into a swamp loving creature. Now that the prince was back to his human form, his love now boiling over for the woman he still was not over, he was free to go and find her again. The prince bid his new love, which now was his old love, fair well and went on his conquest for his ex-princess.

The princess's heart was now stone cold, alone again, no stranger to loneliness. She now realized she would have to go back to kissing frogs all over again, her fairytale officially shattered. Now that her lips were free to pucker up once again, maybe, she thought, kissing lizards and goldfish would bring about a much better outcome.

So it happened, my cloud of fluffiness evaporated into vapor, and Bryce has fallen off the dating map. He seemed distant during the week, and called to cancel our date we had scheduled for Friday. My instincts knew something was up, my intuition as a vet in dating has never failed me. Bryce wrote me an email:

"Hey sorry for leading you on, or leaving you hanging. I generally take a long time to process things, and the reopening of communication with my ex this week really complicated things.
At any rate, just know that I genuinely like you and think you're a fun, amazing girl. At a different point in our lives things would probably have gone differently. Even at this point I would have liked to keep dating you, but since we were heading towards more relationship-esque territory, it's not fair to you if I won't let my heart open to you fully.
I appreciate that you're experienced enough and mature enough to handle all of this in stride. Most people aren't strong like that. I wish you all the best..."

I guess it's always the wrong time, so when exactly will there be a right time? I feel as if I'm constantly fixing the same flat tire while on my road trip, the same nail constantly puncturing through it. It seems that even when choosing a different road, a different kind of person so to speak, the destination still seems the same. So now that I've patched up my tire, I'll put my key in the ignition and the dating road trip goes on. As far as fairy tales go, I don't believe in them, but I do wish that one day my reality will feel like a fantasy.

"Deeper meaning resides in the fairy tales told to me in my childhood than in the truth that is taught by life."
~Friedrich von Schiller

Clouds

2010-11-14T21:04:00.000-08:00

I'm on cloud 9 right now with Bryce, I want no obstacle to get in the way of me sitting on my happy mass of white fluff. I'm trying not to follow in my past relationship's footsteps, trying to do things differently this time. I want to stay as high as I am right now, I need to figure out how to keep this way of being. I'm not sure what I usually do wrong when it comes to men, the reasons for not being in a real relationship for 3 years. Perhaps I am too rushed? Too smothering? Too into someone, when they're not as into me? Or maybe just as simple as choosing the wrong people? That would entail me using "the end of the relationship" line, "Oh it's not me, it's definitely you."

Brent and I meet up at an Ethiopian vegan restaurant on Wednesday night. Neither one of us is vegan, but it is the only place open in Little Ethiopia on Fairfax and Olympic. Brent encourages me to try something new, his smile makes me game. We sit across from each other, flirting, I'm so enticed by our chemistry, it hasn't strayed since we've met. The food is a little funky, but not that bad, the company makes up for it. We finish up our exotic, yet unidentifiable food and Bryce suggests we go bar hopping in La Brea. I'm not the best at withstanding alcohol as I don't have a lot of tolerance. Bryce found this out on our first date, he finds my lack of tolerance cute. We caress each others elbows across the table, the candle in the middle warming our arms. We're so affectionate, sneaking in a few kisses when we can.

I like the way Bryce is so future minded, he definitely knows he wants a family one day. We talk about the enjoyment we get out of cooking, Brent mentions that he hopes to cook for his wife one day. I smile on the inside, it shows on my face, I like the fact that this door is open. We have so much in common, I love his speaking voice and his laugh is to die for. He's so quick witted, has a great sense of humor, where did this guy come from? I wonder if he sees the girl across the table, the one that's adoring him this moment, the same way.

We end up cuddling on his couch, I start to feel my little bit of tipsiness going to my head. I'm so content right now, my cloud 9 starts to lift right underneath me. I feel so comfortable with Bryce, I'm aware it's only been 2 weeks. My levels of comfort never cease to amaze me when it comes to new relationships. Maybe I shouldn't feel this way, I should proceed with more caution. I tell myself to take this slow, let him make the first move, and most of all NO PRESSURE! How long can I stay on my puffy white marshmallow mass, before it turns to vapor? Do I need to not be as excited, step down to cloud 8 or 7? I need to clear my mind, not over think things for once. I'm gonna enjoy this blessing I've been given, and take everything as it comes in my path. I figure in this life, there's no other way to savor a gift, especially when it comes from out of nowhere.

“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
~Rabindranath Tagore

Love Wears An Eye Patch

2010-11-07T22:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I meet a guy, and know our first date is going to be absolutely amazing. I'm sure you all know what I mean, especially when you feel the first flight of butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. When Bryce asked me out I knew I felt the flutter, knew that we would be entertained by each other. I also suspected he was going to be the perfect gentleman, my suspicions were correct!

I meet up with Bryce at "The Basement Tavern," in Santa Monica, a great place for a date by the way! It's a little hard to find, and the entrance looks like it's a hole in the wall place. First off it's literally in a basement, but when you get down there you can see it's very chic, and cozy. The Basement has nice couches, candles, and crystal chandeliers, the light is dim, very romantic. We have a drink, sitting next to each other in a corner on one of the cozy couches. We're sitting close together, we're flirting subtly touching each other, I know I like him. After about an hour Bryce informs me we have a dinner reservation at a nice Sushi restaurant. Before we get up to leave, I want Bryce to kiss me. I know he feels the same, he leans over, you know what happens next.

Dinner is nice, the restaurant is quite crowded, a good sign the food is good. We get along so well, we have so much in common. I find out he's a writer for children's books, he's from Canada, graduated from Brown, and has lived all around the world. (In case you're wondering, he's 28, a year younger than myself.) We find out we were both dinosaur fiends as kids and start listing all the prehistoric creatures we can think of. I love geeking out, and he loves the fact that I love to do so. He wants me to try some new things, crab in particular, I'm a little freaked out about it. I've already explained my background to Bryce, and he knows about my food anxieties. I'm determined to prove to myself that it's just food, and now that I'm not religious anymore I can eat anything I want, and I will. The crab has now been airborne on my chopsticks for at least 5 minutes, but it eventually makes it to my mouth. It tastes okay, and I'm still intact, my anxiety slowly melting away. Bryce's proud of me for facing my fears, and I'm just happy I'm still breathing. Those of you who don't know, I've never eaten shellfish in my life. (It's against Jewish law to do so.)

We leave the restaurant, walk together, hold hands, keep kissing each other. It's so funny to me, this guy who's so different from any man I've ever dated. He's a nice guy, truly a nice guy, the one who likes to open your car door for you. I'm also talking physically, since as I've mentioned before, I usually like tall blonds. Bryce has such a great smile, a very handsome face, and I love the fact he's so cultured. The first half-Asian I've ever dated, I'm loving going outside my box! Maybe it's true what they say, love truly is blind. I'm aware this is a first date, and love doesn't belong in the equation, so maybe it's not blind, just wearing an eye patch or something. Our date ends in my car, kissing for at least an hour or 2, I could kiss him till the sun comes up. We finally say good-bye, decide to try to see each other again Monday or Wednesday.

I only want to borrow "Doc Brown's" Valorian so I can make time go faster. Has anyone figured out why time races when we don't want our enjoyment to end, and then travels on a turtle when we want it to pass? I mean it's 2010, almost 2011, we need some scientific answers. Someone needs to get on that! Since time travel isn't an option at the moment, I guess I'll do the old fashion thing and wait.

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."
~William Shakespeare

Romancing Halloween

2010-11-02T00:23:00.000-07:00

Halloween is by far my favorite Pagan holiday, it's the only time we can be bad, and definitely get away with it. We can be whatever we want on this ghoulish holiday. We hide behind masks, do things we wouldn't normally do, and hold our costumes responsible. (Oh and the alcohol too!) This year I went as Little Red Riding Hood, unsuspecting of what wolves I was going to lure. The main line of the night was, "Can I be your Big Bad Wolf?" Yes I am aware I was asking for it, I should of known it would come with the costume! I'm sure you're all wondering whether a I actually found my wolf or not this Halloween. Well this blog is the special Halloween edition, and I'll try not to disappoint!

Conquest #1:

The week before Halloween there's an annual marvelous Halloween house party in Laguna. I'm invited last minute by my friend Julie, and she promises a night to remember. The house is an incredible mansion. It's exquisite, a house with marble floors, expensive furniture, a pool the size of a small lake, not to mention an ocean view. I go in, and find myself engulfed in men, eying my little red hood. Men are trying to court me left and right, and I'm looking for a safe haven to get away from the attention. At this point I'm definitely feeling a little smothered. I find a few girls, find out they're actually lesbians, I feel safer with them. For the time being I decide to stay in their social circle.

I am enjoying my conversation with my new found gal pals, as a very tall guy approaches me. He's at least 6"6, his eyes are a violet blue, a very handsome face, and wearing a very blond mullet wig. He's wearing a wife beater, and a pair of khaki shorts, I ask him what he is. He's dressed as a redneck, or white trash, which ever one I wish to call him. His name is Seth, an actual ex-professional basketball player. I look up at him, trying to picture him without the wig, I realize he's HOT! He's flirting with me, putting his hand on my waist, wants my number. I give it to him, and our flirtatious texting begins. He wants me to meet him in one of the mansion rooms, I'm playing hard to get for as long as I can. I'm preoccupied anyways with the men trying to beg me to walk up and down the stairs over and over again.

Towards the end of the night he corners me, and coaxes me to come hang out at his friend's house which is 3 doors down. I go with his group of very tall good looking friends, maybe basketball players as well. They're herding a flock on girls from the party. I notice his friends are very non-discriminatory about their groupies, only a handful are attractive. He takes my hand, starts to lead me up the stairs to the room he's staying in. I go in, realizing my ride is gonna text me any minute to tell me they're ready to go. Seth kisses me, trying to push for more than he's gonna get. I can't stop giggling, I just find it hilarious that Seth and I are making out in our costumes.

My phone starts to buzz, my friends are looking for me, they're outside ready to roll. Seth is pressuring me to stay, says he wants 5 more minutes with me. I'm tempted, but know I'll regret it, I've been at this cross-road too many times. I smile at him, grab my basket, and I'm out as fast as I came in.

Conquest #2:

I am so excited for this Halloween party, I've known about it since the beginning of October. I'm invited to great house Halloween party in Culver City, which is the Saturday night before Halloween. My new friend Carolyn who is from Sweden, has never experienced a real American Halloween, I know she is dying to. I have officially chosen my partner in crime for the night. I'm in my Riding Hood costume, makeup perfect, falsie lashes glued on, I'm ready to get my "scary" on. Carolyn makes a gorgeous Forest Nymph, she's all smiles and together we make quite the pair. The house is elaborately decorated, mannequin dead bodies, spider webs, graves, skeletons, I love the spread! The house party is packed, probably with 200 or more people, we soon realize how hard it is to maneuver around.

We're intoxicated, drinking, dancing, loving everyone's costume, taking it all in. I'm suddenly feeling faint, I'm starting to sweat, feeling suffocated. It's too hot in the room or me, I need air. I push through the crowd, the sweat starting to drip to my mouth. I need to sit down, and do so on the steps outside. The party is just as huge outside, but at least I'm airing out, people watching while doing so. I'm weak, probably dehydrated, and I'm happy staying where I am. A guy walks up to me, a big smile on his face, he's dressed up as the chef from the movie "Ratatouille." He introduces himself as Bryce.

He asks me if I'm okay, and at this point I'm not sure I am. He brings me back some water and sits and talks with me. He's not the usual physical type I go for, not my typical Aryan man. Brent is 5"10, dark hair, dark eyes, half Japanese actually, and he's very very good looking. I'm rather intrigued, I find the mix of his features very attractive. My good boy radar is going off, I may actually be interested in a "nice" guy!

Bryce is sweet, smart, and really wants to make sure I'm okay to enjoy the rest of the party. He sits with me till the color comes back to my face. A frantic Carolyn finally finds me on my step, she has been looking for me everywhere. I assure her I'm okay, and she suddenly realizes I'm being taken care by the cute guy dressed as a chef. Her face is suddenly relieved, and I am ready to join the party once more. Bryce and I keep rendezvousing at the party, smiling at each other every chance we can. It's not like the situation I had with Seth, he's not going to corner me, not push himself on me.

After more dancing, taking pictures with sailors, serial killers, and the like, Carolyn and I notice the party dying down. It's now close to 2 am, and I'm pretty sure Carolyn's all partied out. She's walking in the other direction of my car, and Bryce runs after her to point her in the right direction. He then escorts us to my car, moves in to kiss me, I kiss him back. It happens so fast, you could blink and have missed it, but my feelings linger. We have a date for next Saturday night, I'm excited.

I don't usually give "The nice guy," a chance, as you all know, I love them bad boys. So for once, I think I'm gonna try something else, after all what do I have to lose?
Oh Halloween, you never fail to make me so happy and content, till we meet again in 2011.

"When witches go riding,
and black cats are seen,
the moon laughs and whispers,
‘tis near Halloween."
~Author Unknown

Popping The Online Dating Cherry

2010-10-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

When going on dates with new online guys, there's always a small chance of them being absolutely new to the world of online dating. I'd like to think of them as newly hatched chicks, a little timid and perhaps naive. For someone like me this could be a little awkward, since I would probably consider myself a vet. I haven't had too many of these, but it has happened more times than I've expected. If this happens to you, even if you're not sure about the guy, you may feel like you must make somewhat of a good impression. You don't want to leave this guy thinking you were a bitch, the first of many, and that he better stop this online hunting because all of us are like that. Seriously, for men that are rookies at this, you may want to make sure that the first step of their journey is a pleasant one. (However; if the guy turns out to be a total rude idiot, then by all means feel free to unleash the righteous bitch that you are.)

Poor Donny, on meeting him I know he doesn't stand a chance. He's a sweet guy, very innocent looking, he probably could have been a model, he has great cheek bones. He's 26, works in hotel and restaurant management, but so unhappy where he is now and looking for other work. He's so nervous, he just keeps talking, and talking, I've learned to be a good listener, so I don't mind. He mentions that I'm officially his first date he's met in person from our dating site. This explains everything, and I feel the need to inform him that I'm am truly a vet, and haven't been in his position since many moons ago. Yes, I am indeed popping this guy's online dating cherry.

I hold back, no need to make this new born chick more uncomfortable that he already is. Since I can tell he only has good intentions, and doesn't seem to know the guidelines of flirtation, I'm easy on him. I set the stage for a nice comfortable date, however I keep it very friendly and benign. We enjoy our coffee at Alta coffee house in Newport, I think I've mentioned before, another great coffee scene by the way! We don't have much to talk about, we definitely do not have a lot in common. I just make sure to keep the conversation going, careful not to meet any dead ends.

When the date is over he decides to walk me back to my car. We hug each other good bye, and as he stands by my car, I know he's hopeful for a kiss. I'm sure he thinks that a first experience calls for a token of appreciation. Unfortunately for him, I'm a nice girl, but not that nice. I give him a cordial hug, as he mentions we should hang out again soon. I think to myself a chummy rendezvous could be possible but Donny has so many adventures and conquests to seek out, find someone he may have more of a chance with. I'm pretty much a a dead end at this point, and we all know that sometimes that's just the way it is. This is probably one of the first lessons we all learn in the online dating game. I mean I should know, my road trip has seen many.

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
~Jim Rohn

Group Dating

2010-10-10T19:47:00.000-07:00

It's very new to me, the concept of "group dating." I don't even think a first date should be a group date, unless you're 16 of course. I think the concept of the group date was actually invented to elude parents into thinking you were going out with your friends, as opposed to going on a real date. After your parents seemed to fall for your false intentions, you were free to go out, your friends tagging along at first and leaving you alone later. Not that I know ANYTHING about this of course, I was a good kid...Most of the time. I'm aware that first dates with groups aren't usually the norm, not the natural way of the first date. Since there's no unwritten rule against it, I've decided I'm gonna be the one who starts the trend and makes it the norm. So last week, I actually went on two of these group dates, and yes they were both first dates.

I make a plan to go out with Justin and his posse, they're coming down from Hollywood for a club invitation they have received on Facebook. Justin is 33 years old, curly brown hair, blue eyes, and around my height. If there is such a thing as a Jewish surfer look, he is it. Justin is dressed in his Hollywood clubbing attire, his 3 friends much more casual. When I first see him, I almost have to catch myself from laughing, he looks like an Italian, his shirt buttoned down to his mid chest. All his chest hair just hanging out there, looks like a human rug, not even an exaggeration. You've all guessed it, at this point being turned off is an understatement.

It turns out all his friends are actors and musicians, and they're so entertaining I almost forget who my date actually is. We end up not even going to the club mainly because it's just so ridiculously LAME, yes that is definitely the best way to describe it. The scene is basically just a bunch of teenagers with fake IDs, and perhaps a few 21 year olds. A few of them seem to be beating their chests and starting brawls, I guess to pass the time while in line to get into this club. My new found posse and I decide to to get extremely intoxicated at a nearby bar called The Tavern Grille. We have drinks together and I enjoy their entertaining company, in their new intoxicating states they sing and do some monologues for me. Justin's trying so hard to get my attention, keeps putting his hand on my leg, I ignore his advances I'm so not interested. The night ends with Justin trying to kiss me, yes that "kiss me" note must have found its way on my back again. I tell him it's so not happening, he's actually gonna have to take me on a real date. (It'll be a cold day in July.) Justin admits defeat and I'm off crusading again.

The next group date is orchestrated so much more successfully. Kasey extends an invitation to his friend's girlfriend's Birthday dinner, I decide not to resist. Yes so random, and yet so Serial Datist of me. Kasey is 27, very tall, about 6"3, white blond hair, blue eyes, a little bit of a chunk-a-lunk, but still very cute. We first flirt a lot at the table, he smiles at me,(The party is at a brewery) wonders why I'm still single. Oh there are so many reasons why, I only give the reason that finding someone that's perfect for you just doesn't happen often. We drive together to a pool hall where the party is yet to begin. We stop at a traffic light, Kasey moves in and kisses me, I let him, after all we have been flirting for 3 hours.

At the pool hall I really start to enjoy Kasey's friends. One of them is this huge Latino guy named Isaac, tattoos on every angle of him. He has the statue of a bouncer or bodyguard, but inside he's a giant teddy bear. I'd say Isaac is definitely Kasey's hetero-life mate, and if I wanted a stamp of approval it would have to come from him. The others are just so much fun to look at, wearing cool fashionable hats, grunge and emo clothes, a people watching haven.

Apparently I need a mini-van for this dating road trip or maybe even a clown car. Everyone knows that if you take a small vehicle and add some clown attire, you will definitely be able to squeeze in 10 or more random people! I think group dating on a first date, probably makes me an exceptionally brave person. I also think sometimes you just gotta get behind that wheel and drive, no matter where that road wants to take you. I just have to remember to buckle my seatbelt, because it might be quite a bumpy ride.

“Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”
~ Mary Tyler Moore

Kiss-oholic

2010-10-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, my name is Allyson, and I'm a Kiss-oholic. I really seem to be, don't I? Has anyone maybe thought that it's actually the other way around? Maybe everyone else is just out to kiss me? In the past 2 weeks I've been kissed by Michael, David, and another guy we'll call, "The Dude." "The Dude" didn't get so lucky I had to dodge his lips as he moved in for the kill. Am I that kissable, my lips that magnetic? It could be that I'm just very very friendly, maybe I'm sending subliminal messages to people, or could be as simple as someone putting a "kiss me" note on my back.

I'm just not sure about Michael and me, this is the feeling I had when we had our second date last week. He took me to movies, we shared a large popcorn, and he held my hand every time I jumped. It was a nice date, but yet I just wasn't feeling "it." He walked me back to my apartment, and went in for the kiss when we reached my door, I almost pulled away. I had wanted to stall it, I had no interest in inviting him in, I just didn't have this longing attraction for him. When I was with Dex, it was all I could think about, constantly clouding my thoughts. It was an eternity waiting for him to finish a sentence, I only wanted his lips to be on mine. I know everyone is different,that you're not going to be attracted to everyone so passionately, but for me wanting to pull away? So not like me when I'm into someone.

I had a date with "The Dude," a few nights ago. He was average height, light brown hair, his eyes matched, not really attractive or unattractive. I could compare him to Switzerland, quite neutral. I call him this because this guy thought he was truly the man that knew EVERYTHING, and so annoyingly cocky. He claimed to know everything about everyone, a real people reader. He gave credit to his skills due to the fact he worked in sales, I should have figured as much. I couldn't stand him, my security was on so high, I might as well have been NASA or a highly secure prison. He kept trying to interpret my personality, saying I probably was the "quiet" type, I enjoyed keeping to myself most of the time, and definitely didn't have a sweet bone in my body. I almost had no interest in correcting him, this guy thought he had me down to a T. When I mentioned people found me funny, and entertaining, he just looked at me and said, You're joking, right?" Oh my God, I really had a strong distaste for this young man, aka "The Dude."

At least I was in my comfort zone, my Gypsy Den Vanilla Chai, sugar free and fat free latte saved my night. Oh sweet Vanilla savior thank You for the warmth You provided me during this time, I seriously almost decked this guy, and You were the only one that made me keep my cool. Not literally, you were super super hot by the way!

After an hour, which really seemed like ten, I was ready to levitate from my seat and float away. When "The Dude," walks me to my car, he probably read the "kiss me" note that must have been on my back, because there was no other reason for him to move in for a kiss. I was smooth about it, pretended I was too shy, I just wasn't ready. Surprised by my action of moving away he says, "Yeah I could tell you're the type that doesn't kiss on a first date." Wow! Buddy you couldn't be MORE WRONG. I simply answered, "Yeah you got me pegged." Needless to say there won't be anymore blogs about "The Dude." These "Kiss Me" notes I'm so unaware of have to stop anonymously appearing on my back, yes this has to come to a stop, a full one!

“Kissing is like drinking salted water: you drink and your thirst increases.”
~Chinese Proverbs quotes

Southern Cravings

2010-09-28T01:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if Jewish girls are suppose to like Southern accents or Southern men for that matter. I mean Jews and the South never have really mixed well in the past, perhaps something to do with white supremacy and the KKK. I don't know how it happened, but I find myself so attracted to the Southern accent. I like the charm it brings to the table, brings in those old fashion values, I like a boy who opens the door for me. I actually knew one Jewish boy from Alabama, I met him in Israel, while he was studying there for a year. I used to tease him a quite bit about being Southern, trying to get him to say famous quotes from "Forrest Gump." Needless to say he wasn't very fond of me.

Yes I know I "just" met Michael an Moishe house, and yes I am quite fond of him, but...I someone else has been sparking my intere as well. About a month ago I met a cute boy from Georgia named David, while on one of my dating sites. David and I started video chatting quite often, and Instant Messaging each other, I couldn't get enough of his cute southern style. He finally asked me a week ago when I was going to come and visit him. I got a little flutter in my heart, that accent drew me in, an unstoppable force. Since I happen to work in Playa vista, (where he lives.) I made a plan go to see him after I was finished.

We make a plan to go out to get a drink once I came over, but the plan doesn't exactly follow through. He's tired, a total dead weight, and the only way I'm going to get him to move is by using a crane. I've had a long day myself, it's been a hot day, and I'm seriously okay with vegging at the moment. He puts his head in my lap, as we sit and watch NBC shows. I like his ruffled brown hair, he has freckles sprinkled on his nose, and his blue eyes are half closed. It isn't much of a date, but I like this, I feel comfortable at David's house. We talk for a little in between commercial breaks, he's quite entertaining for the living zombie he is right now.

After 3 hours of chat and the great Monday night TV spread, we call it a night. He walks me out and kisses me good night,a real kiss, short but sweet. I like his lips, they're so soft, I wish he wasn't tired I now wanna stay longer. Alas david is just another cute boy passing through in the dating neighborhood of the Serial Datist. I need to find some more of these Southern men, like my gummy bear cravings, sometimes it needs to be satisfied.

“There is no end of craving. Hence contentment alone is the best way to happiness. Therefore, acquire contentment.”
~Swami Sivananda

Let's Play Ball!

2010-09-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

I think we can all say we've been in this position, newly single, you've just barely made it through the entanglements of your now very distant relationship. The dating world you suddenly find yourself in, it's a new, exciting, and a somewhat scary venture. I think comparing this to a baseball game would be very appropriate, so let's play ball!

When playing baseball, as the batter you get pitched a lot of different balls. The balls represent the people you may come in contact with, some very straight forward, some easy home-runs, others a little more screwy and may just strike you out. Once you've hit a few though, you'll probably find yourself running the bases with them, both physically as well as emotionally. When first starting out in the game though you're probably just playing around, seeing the goal as having a good time. Especially if you're of the male gender, when starting out "the game," the most important goal may be to JUST make a "home-run."

Once you're out in the playing field you may find different playing positions you're comfortable in. You may make a better center fielder, perhaps a great first baseman, or maybe you just need to play a little bit of everything to see where you're comfort zone is. I think once you've been playing for a while, you feel more adequate with your game plan decisions, which pitches you're going to go for. It's true you enjoy playing a lot of different positions, but there is a specific one that feels just right. Once you've come to this point in the game, you'll find yourself having different goals, a dedication of some sort, and perhaps ready to make a real commitment. Once you're in this mindset it won't just be a "game" to you anymore, you've probably found your someone.

A Sukka party was afoot at the Moishe House, and I knew I must attend. Those of you who don't know what a Sukka party is, at this time it is the Jewish holiday of Sukkot, here's a link that'll give you a good definition. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukkot

I'm all prettied up, again just to only be social, as I've mentioned before I don't really date Jewish boys these days. As I sit with my friend Brittany, catching up on our own current events I see a tall guy, brown hair, blue eyes, handsome. He's chatting up a group consisting of two girls and another guy. As I'm studying this new prospect I notice the tag of his shirt sticking out in the back. I'm not OCD or anything but I do have a thing for tucking random people's tags in. It's just a bonus if the stranger with the runaway tag happens to be a very good looking man. So I decide to take the opportunity to do my non-OCD "tucking" thing for this new possible blogee. I kindly ask Brittany to hold her thought as I quickly stand up, and tuck the unsuspecting tag into the blue sweater he's wearing. I give him a quick explanation of what I just did, so he doesn't think I'm some kind of weirdo out to molest his sweater. He smiles at me, we lock eyes, I have subtly gotten his attention. I sit back down and pick up where I left off with Brittany.

About an hour later I find him suddenly walking up to me, not to my surprise we click immediately. He's sweet, smart, more handsome now that he's facing me, I notice he likes to smile a lot. His name is Michael, 29 years old, and a software programmer, I love me some nerd! There is however one catch, Michael has just entered the playing field, rookie written all over him. Yes, he is indeed a newly single man.

We're starting to flirt over food surprisingly, he's gluten-free and since I was also avoiding it for a while, I know many recipes where gluten is non-existent. We talk about food as if it's a soft buttery language, we smother it all over ourselves, we smother each other in it. We're both completely covered, we might as well be melting. We walk outside arms around each other, we know we'll be smothering each other in kisses within the next few moments. We're wrapped each other's arms, standing outside, some cars passing by, oh and some random guy playing with his laptop in his car across from us. Random, but true! We keep looking over at him wondering if he's watching porn. I mean what else would you be doing with your laptop in the car? It doesn't ruin the moment or anything, it's just another tool to help spread the butter with.

I don't know what will come of this, like many little flings I've had before I never have any expectations whatsoever. Michael is now officially out in the playing field, getting pitched at, running bases, and I'm sure trying to make some home-runs. Do I wait it out in the bleachers? Maybe become a teammate as well and run some bases myself? Which as you can tell, I have been, just not so successfully. When playing a good game of baseball I mostly prefer playing the position of the third baseman. Perhaps I can be a little hopeful that Michael may run to third, and enjoy it there so much he'll be reluctant to run "home" so soon.

"Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer."
~Ted Williams

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

2010-09-17T11:43:00.001-07:00

Just as I think I'm going to have a hard time getting over someone, that I'll never meet someone else, I suddenly see a glimmer at the end of my dank, dry spell of a tunnel. I missed Dex, I still thought about him even though our time together was short. I had never met anyone who could challenge me so mentally, keep my intelligence on its toes. I did know that this too shall pass. I kept in mind that once I met someone that sparked my interest again I'd be fine, my feelings would mend themselves as they had done many times before.

Christian suggests we meet at a bar lounge in a hotel in Manhattan Beach. It seems like a nice place when I had looked at the website, the only problem was it is actually closed tonight for a private party. We instead walk over to a sushi and sake place that is close by. We enter a very chic atmosphere, a lounge with candles and couches to sit on. We drink some beer together and enjoy some appetizers, I am enticed by this new man. Christian is 6"0 tall, sandy blond hair, light blue eyes, 38 years old, but could be 10 years younger. I can't help but notice he has great skin. He is a freelance production manager in entertainment, and seems to really enjoy what he does. He's smart, and not a smart ass like Dex was, I'm glad it isn't the latter.

We start out sitting across from each other, and 2 hours later he is sitting next to me. I find him very attractive, as I think he feels the same about me. He doesn't try to touch me in a flirtatious manner, we're just two people who seem to enjoy each others company. Our candle flickers but our interest for each other doesn't and as we walk out of the lounge we both agree we've had a very good time on this date. Christian let's me know he'll be on vacation visiting family in Maine till the 30th, he'll be gone for almost 2 weeks. I realize I won't get to go out with him again till after he flies home. If his interest for me doesn't flicker while he's gone, well then perhaps a new flame will evolve.

I do love the fact that just as I feel like I'm going to give up, somehow the light at the end of the tunnel finds a way to light up my path again and again.

"Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in. ..."
~Michael Corleone quotes, The God Father III

Body Language

2010-09-04T01:03:00.000-07:00

I think most of us understand body language, whether someone wants to let us in, telling us to buzz off, whether they're bored, interested, you get the idea. Nonverbal communication often seems to speak louder than actual words, and really helps when the words just aren't coming to us. My body language I feel is very obvious to read, probably because my bachelors degree is in Sign language. You can imagine how it comes in handy on a date. When I'm interested in my date, I move in close, try to be flirtatious, use my hands for some innocent touching. My body stature is usually very open and I have no problem laying a welcome mat down, and letting someone come right in. When my kitchen is closed, it officially means it's closed, like there's no way you'll be able to pick the lock. When I need to show someone I'm not interested, I inch away, cross my arms at times, yes I stay friendly, but it's purely me being platonic-ally friendly. Basically if I have no romantic interest, as clear as day there will be a neon sign on my forehead saying "NOT HAPPENING."

I meet Joseph at him apartment to go out for some nice Mexican food. Joseph is a South African/Israeli guy. He's not my type physically, his features are a little too sharp and aggressive for me. He has dark skin and huge blue eyes, is about my height, very striking looking, as I mentioned before not my type. I try to give it a chance, Dex and I have only recently parted ways, and as I said before I must keep on driving. Joseph Is definitely trying to be charming, but I can see he's getting too close to me, moving his body towards my side of the table. I stand my ground, my wall is up, there is no "pass go" happening here. He's so the opposite of me, he races motorcycles for a living, does not care to work out, eats unhealthy, and hates vegetables, very stuck in his ways. He keeps pressing my buttons, saying how everything is all "mental," he would argue on anything factual. I so want dinner to end, this guy is annoying the crap out of me. After 2 hours I am ready to leave, and never see this guy again.

I get in his car, and despite all my body language he moves in to kiss me. I dodge him, using the excuse that I have a candy in my mouth, which I did, I grabbed a mint before I left the restaurant.

He invites me to see his apartment before I go, I probably shouldn't, but I reluctantly accept. His apartment is nice, but it's so not my style, too many "toys," art that I find distasteful, and an African Grey parrot which keeps repeating "Hello," and "Good-bye." The saying of "Good-Bye" seems to be a brilliant idea, not bad for a bird!

Before I get into my car he moves in to kiss me again, this time I kinda let him but I don't touch him, my hands are glued to my sides. In my mind I'm already gone, I'm so gone, bye bye. I get a text from him when I get home, it says, "I like you ;)." Really?? How on earth did that happen? My body language was saying, "NO WAY." I think Joseph is a little clueless, but dating is a learning experience and hopefully he'll learn more as he goes, as will I.

“Get in touch with the way the other person feels. Feelings are 55% body language, 38% tone and 7% words.”
~Merrick Rosenberg

Addicted to Love

2010-08-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

Dex and I have been texting, kissing, flirting, seeing each other, staying up all night and kissing a little more. Our witty banter never seems to cease, he makes me laugh and I do the same for him in return. There is one problem, Dex is moving to Boston for a new job. We haven't really talked about it, Dex let's it pop up from time to time, but I am not ready to discuss it. This relationship will disappear as fast as it has popped up, and I need to make my peace with it. Dex tends to tease me when he knows I still go on my dating site, but says if I need to date other men he understands. He says he only wants what will make me happy. I only respond with, for now what makes me happy is him. "Careful," He says, "I can be addicting..." Officially I've been warned. Personally I think I'm pretty addicting myself...On the other hand I think I'm more like a tootsie pop, once you get to my middle, it's kinda over.

My friend Josh has asked me if I knew Dex was leaving before I started to fall for him. A very valid question, as I do seem to really like men that I know won't stick around. The truth is I had no idea he had a plan in motion, and once I knew it, it didn't make him more desirable. It's so hard to make this sort of connection with someone, the Connor connection, the Ryan connection. It's nice to know I can make it happen again, even when Dex leaves. I do not see Dex as a waste of time, I see him as someone who helps me bide my time. If I have nothing better going on, why not enjoy something that makes me smile every time I think about him? As I think I've mentioned before, I'm on some sort of dating road trip, and while trying to reach a destination I'm not even sure exists, I might as well pick up some interesting hitchhikers on the way.

"Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with..."
~Stephen Stills lyrics

Savor and Stroll

2010-08-20T17:57:00.000-07:00

I really like to live in the moment, as I said before, life is short we need to make every single one count. When at the park with Dex, for some reason I knew there would only be one. I told Dex myself that if we had a chance to see each other again I would be happy, but if we didn't, I would still feel blessed that there was a moment at all. I also had had a moment with Jeff, though I wasn't sure if I wanted another one. If I compared Jeff with Dex, I already knew I wanted to spend more moments with Dex.

Jeff invites me to the "Savor and Stroll" in Long Beach. It's a very cute concept actually. You buy tickets and get to sample food from every restaurant that is participating on the main street in Belmont Shores. For some reason seeing Jeff this time isn't so exciting, he is very quiet, he just doesn't seem to be into our date, maybe I am feeling the same. We both have had a long day, maybe we both are taking our work home with us.

Jeff and I walk down the street, trying all the different exotic foods. Jeff wasn't very talkative, and I am not in the mood to dominate conversation. We sit on the bench, he asks about my non-religious life now. I don't have much to say about it, talking about the past always makes me a little sad. A child walks by, she's whining a little to her mom, she is tired and wants to go home. Jeff looks over at me, "I don't know about kids," he says, "I don't think I want any." If I am not in the mood to be romantic right now than this is just beating a dead horse now. I really don't see any future with a man who doesn't want kids. This date officially is over in my mind. We walk back to his place and he kisses me, but the passion is gone, I just want to lay down in my own bed. I tell Jeff he could call me tomorrow, he simply says he'll be out of town for the next 2 weeks. So he can't keep in touch? Whatever, I'm so over this already.

Right now I only want another date with Dex, or someone like him. Do those ever last in real life? Am I confusing real life with fantasy? If I'm happier in fantasy why can't it eventually become real life? Each moment I want to savor, feels like a granule of sand, you can hold it for a second before it starts to slip through your fingers. The important thing is I possessed that sand for a moment, and it was a moment I'll never forget.

“You must pre-live the future... not re-live the past... and savor the moment.”
~Author unknown

A Bottle Of Wine And A Playground

2010-08-16T16:06:00.000-07:00

When I was 15 years old I liked a boy named Ethan Weiss, and he was a rabbis son. This rabbi happened to be the head of my small americanized community in Israel, this was what you would call a forbidden crush. Ethan and I were young, naive, and had to be sneaky when it came to seeing other. Our spot was small park in our neighborhood, we'd swing on the swings, kiss on the slide, it was the only place we were allowed to hold hands. We had nowhere to go, this was the only place we had to go,and we didn't want to be anywhere else. The one great thing about dating as an adult is that we are old enough to go wherever we want and young enough to do so as well. .

A park date is definitely in need at this time, and Dex starts beckoning me to come join him on one. Dex and I have been talking online for a few weeks now, and I know he can definitely keep up with my witty banter. He's 6"0 tall, surfer blond hair, his blue eyes look like the color of ice, yes you all know my type. We start at Memphis, a local pub in Costa Mesa, I see him waiting for me at the bar, and I already know we're going to get along just fine. We go to a local park, sit on the jungle gym, sharing a bottle of wine. Our conversations interlink, we have too many run-along sentences, we both know each one of us can go on forever. We lose track of the time, it's now 4 am as we start to kiss, we don't stop till the sun comes up. I'm having so many of these, "live in the moment" moments, I just refuse to ever tire of them. I don't know if he'll still like me tomorrow, or the day after that, I realize I don't seem to have the best track record. (As most of you can tell.)

You don't get to have too many of these dates in your lifetime, who knows if or when a joining like this will happen again. All I know at this moment is that it certainly did happen, a real life day dream. We have to live this life to the greatest extent, because as far as anyone knows, you only have one shot at it. So take aim and fire!

“Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.”
~Horace quotes

Moishe House Mayhem

2010-08-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

I love the Moishe House in Laguna, it provides me a haven to go to at the end of the week. Yes, it is a place where Jewish events take place, but for me its also a safety blanket, a place where friends are so happy to see you, a drink or 2 have to be applied, and it never disappoints.

I never expect to meet single men at the Moishe House, the OC Jewish community is so small, everyone seems to know everyone in our oh so intimate circle. When I least expect it, cupid seems to enjoy knocking me out cold. Cupid would actually rather be clubbing me on the head, than using a graceful bow and arrow to hit me in the chest.

In walks Jeff, a good looking Jewish boy, new to the Moishe circle. He immediately makes his move to sit next to me while I sit and chat with friends, whether he planned it or not I could care less about. For me Jewish boys aren't usually an option no matter how good looking or charming. I've sworn them off for the most part. I figure until a nice Jewish guy can actually show me it can work, I'm not going to hold my breath.

Throughout the night Jeff somehow finds a way through my "Jewish boy disliking" threshold. I don't know how it happens, maybe he's some sort of Jewish mystic, because the man's got some skills. He doesn't leave my side for the whole night, finding little ways to touch my hand, get into my coveted space. I being sucked in, how is this happening?!! To my surprise I actually like where this is going, Jeff's dark hair and hazel eyes are so enticing, I'm having a hard time finding a lit up exit sign in them.

The Moishe House starts to get wild, and I'm in the middle of a whirlwind of events. People are pieing each other in the face with left over tiramisu and lemon meringue pie, there's also an abundance of men pouring liqueur into their ears. One guy mentions that he thinks this will make the alcohol absorb into your bloodstream faster, and the domino affect occurs. I'm buzzing with a shot of vodka and everyone's loose and wild energy. The room is spinning and it's definitely not because of the liqueur I have in my hand.

Jeff walks me to my car since our crazy night has seemed to wind down and has made me exceptionally tired. "It was nice to meet you, I'm sure I'll be seeing you again." I say. "I think we'll be seeing each other again real soon." He says back as he takes my face within his hands and kisses me. We kiss there for a long time, ignoring the cars as they pass us by on the street. At this moment I feel like time is standing still, and I need to enjoy it before it decides to pass us by and we won't even notice as it fades into the distance.

"It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life."
~Green Day quotes

Ducks!!

2010-08-16T15:03:00.001-07:00

I have never considered myself someone who places all my ducks in a row. On the contrary, my ducks have always been scattered, each one having its own place either pushed close together intimately or perhaps put on 2 completely different shelves. For some reason this weekend the ducks decided they were going to arrange themselves in single file. This week, which melded into the weekend, I have had 4 dates with 4 different guys. I ended up kissing 2 of them, finding one exceptionally unattractive and said goodbye to one forever. I'll be breaking this up into a few blogs since it seems more appropriate to do so. Just because the fates decided that the ducks should stay together in single file doesn't mean the blog has to follow in their duck steps.

I meet Cameron at the spectrum for our date, our meeting place is in front of the ferris wheel, an easy landmark to find. Cameron has brown shaggy hair, pretty blue eyes, he's smart and witty, and 25 years old. I'm not sure why I don't find him attractive, I'm thinking it might be his demeanor, or the fact that I feel he might be just a little young for me.

We decide to bring our date at the Barnes and Noble, my second time there for a date. We find ourselves sitting on the floor of the fiction aisle, as I point out the many books I've had the pleasure of reading. We're giggling like 5 year olds, we get along splendidly, but we both see the transparent truth, it's very platonic. It doesn't help either that I have a one way ticket to my island. Connor and I have a dinner date set up for tomorrow, which I am of course estatic about. One duck down, 3 more to go...

When I see Connor the following night, I immediately know he is not himself. He is so much thinner now, he has bags under his eyes, I actually know why. I wish I could share with you what has been happening with Connor for the past 2 months. I have been sworn to secrecy since I am actually only 1 of 2 people on this planet that knows about the aftermath of this traumatic experience he is suffering through right now.

We go out to dinner, I can see he's absorbing my radiant energy, I'm hoping it brightens his mood. It doesn't matter to me the state he's in, I'm so happy to be in his presence. We go back to his place after, sitting on opposite sides of his sofa, 2 pillows between us. I know for that no intimacy will pass between us, the island will not allow me to squish its sand between my toes. I accept this, I need to, I've changed roles in this man's life. I am no longer a lover, I have become Connor's confidant. It's what he needs right now, I'm willing to provide it for him. It's late now, he walks me to my car, hugs me goodbye, the hug itself is so intimate, I feel it will be our last. My emotions are so invested here, I know this has to be goodbye.

So now another chapter ends in my dating saga, and so many more chapters to be foretold, I'm sad to see one road end and excited to see what new road opens...And I might find a new row of ducks waddling along it.

“If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it must be a duck.”
~Proverb quotes

Tripping Over The Stone

2010-08-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

The stone that we constantly find ourselves tripping over, can represent many different scenarios in our lives. For some of us, it is the simple careless mistakes we make everyday, like consistently forgetting something on the grocery list. For others tripping over their stone may be the slipping up on a diet they really try to stick to, or perhaps some would even call it their "falling from grace". It basically doesn't matter what exactly the "tripping over the stone" represents for you, what truly matters is how fast you can get up and dust yourself off once you have fallen. Some may have a harder time rising to their feet than others. While some are able to jump to their feet with utter complete ease, brushing themselves off as if nothing has happened, others may need to get up slowly, need time to heal from the bruising they have received, particularly the bruising of the heart.

In this case my downfall has been caused by Ryan, as he has pulled what I call a "Houdini." He simply has disappeared, leaving no tracks behind him. I told myself he might be busy, he might just need some space, but not answering my texts was just another message I had already decoded. I seem to keep tripping over the same kind of man, the one who courts me, wines and dines me, brings me in, and then seems to exit stage left. I know I need to stand up, brush myself off, try to not look back, but every time my heart has an abrasion, it seems to leave a scar. You could say I have a collection of them, each one with their own story to tell. I know the good thing about healing, is that there's no time limit on it. Once I have fallen however, I do realize remedies need to be applied as soon as possible, so I don't stay on the ground for too long.

I go out with Bryce, a guy who is 4 years younger than me, and looks like a skinnier version of Tom Welling (Smallville). Bryce does not have the strongest social standing, but he is cute and wants to take me to dinner and a movie, a more traditional date if you will. At dinner we talk about bikes, about our past lives, he makes it easy for us to converse. He actually starts to remind me of my brother, something about his social skills, as well as his youth and innocence. Nonetheless I need the distraction, the healing process from Ryan has now begun. We watch "Despicable Me", a cute movie, but nothing special. We don't really flirt or hold hands, but there is a nice connection between us. He takes me home at midnight, hugs me good bye, mentions we should run together sometime. I think to myself a running partner would be great right now!

As I walk back to my apartment, I take a breath, moving on is hard, but I refuse to dwell in the past no matter how recent the events have occurred. I know mistakes like Ryan are easy to make, but they are the ones I favor the most.

"Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I was just beginning
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake..." ~Sheryl Crow lyrics

So Entangled

2010-07-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

I didn't think someone could make it to the 3rd and 4th date in such a short period of time. I always figured dates should be carefully spaced out, beware of turning the heat up too high and too soon. I feel like a natural when it comes to bringing the water to a boil, however turning the dial down is often unsuccessful in my case. When I first met Jonathan at the JCC about 4 years ago, it was totally by accident. Jonathan Daniels was looking to watch a basketball game, I was leaving for home after a long day at the swim school. As I walked through the automatic doors, he caught my eye, I caught his, I don't remember how we ended up talking, but we ended up conversing in the JCC parking lot for 3 hours, and then having dinner together an hour after that. He was a blond hair, blue eyed religious Jewish boy, a professional surfer in his previous secular life. I was crazy about him, he was crazy about me. I didn't know how to slow this down, and you couldn't make me do so, even if I had wanted too at the time. After about 3 weeks of what felt like complete bliss, Jonathan suddenly disappeared. He decided to break up with my answering machine, saying it was all too much too soon, he just wasn't ready for all this. I knew our romance had fizzled out, I knew he meant he just wasn't ready for ME. If you're all wondering what exactly I learned from this experience...Well let's just say I'm still learning or maybe I just enjoy tripping over the same stone a few times just to make sure it doesn't hurt as much every time I fall over it.

Ryan and I went to date 2 with perfect ease, went to date 3 with a little bit of steaminess and date 4 with full speed ahead. All this in just one week, my feelings running circles around me. Our chemistry turned out to be explosive, beyond both our expectations. When Ryan takes my hand, when he kisses me, it feels like I'm on fire, I need the extinguisher, yet I want the desire to burn. Once matches are lit, they could burn out so easily, delicate even. You only need to feel the slight sting of heat on your finger tips, knowing the flame could go out the minute it falls from your hand.

Friday night Ryan comes with me to "The Moishe House," a place for social gatherings in the OC, he truly wants to experience a little Jewishness and meet my friends. I'm a little nervous, and he plays it so cool, I could probably touch his skin and it would feel like ice. We don't stay long, we want to go back to his house, be all over each other, lay next to each other, wake up to each other in the morning. I like being entangled in his sheets, love his arms wrapped around me, the way vines wrap around white gazebos. He takes me out to breakfast which entails coffee and bagels, I want to spend the whole day with him, but I've scheduled work for myself. I leave his place feeling so entangled in him.

We have a dinner date two days later, I'm so excited to see him. I arrive at his place, but I feel something is off, almost like he's distracted by something. He takes me to sushi, he's quiet, I'm starting to feel my discomfort creep in and I'm just gabbing away. He finally tells me that his day at work had been hard, he needed to send a guy to a psych ward, this client was showing Schizophrenic tendencies. I try to reassure him that he did the right thing, as I try to reassure myself this is truly the reason he's standoffish. Ryan is kissing me between sentences, he's being affectionate, but he's not being subtle about his "distraction." After dinner we decide go to a coffee shop in Newport, Ryan relaxes a little bit, realizing that work should stay at work. After 2 hours or so, we go back to his place, call it a night. I wake up in the morning curled up next to him, finding his dog has torn up my undergarments. I love his dog, but am slightly annoyed as I had really liked that specific pair. He sends me a text an hour after I leave his place, letting me know he had a good time with me, and wishing me a good morning bike ride. I like him so much, he's been such a great distraction from Connor, I don't want this to fizzle out so soon.

I tell myself I'm just going to continue on my journey, I still need to be dating other people to keep my blog going. I have only one dilemma; when I'm with Ryan, I realize how much I just don't want to.

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."
~Lao-Tzu

A New Hope

2010-07-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have always been a huge Star Wars fan, when I was introduced to it as a kid I was just hooked. I know Hans Solo was the one most people had the crush on, but I was definitely a bigger fan of Luke Skywalker. I liked the way he had that 70's cut blond hair, I liked his innocence, even how he wore the trade mark white robe. I can definitely say that as a hormonal teenage girl I definitely wanted Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) to be my guy. Of course I realized this to be very unrealistic, considering at the time I was 12 and I think he was probably 20 years older than me, but hey, a girl can dream, right?

I have a date with Ryan sunday night, he is definitely the epitome and spitting image of Luke Skywalker, down to the blond hair and 70's hair cut. We meet at the "Gypsy," to grab some coffee, and unexpectedly, dinner. I have no idea that a dinner date is actually Ryan's intention, as he urges me to order something so he doesn't have to eat by himself. Ryan is also the epitome of adorableness, he's 31, a chemical dependency counselor, and has the cutest babyface smile I have ever seen. We get a little bit of awkwardness out of the way, but after that it's all smooth sailing. He's sweet, sensitive even, perhaps from being a counselor, so different from most guys I go out with. He's from Oklahoma,(they raise them well there.) I mention I like the musical, he smiles as he tells me he knows the song but hasn't seen it. We are able to make great conversation, and I do obviously find him very attractive. He keeps flirting with me, touching me every chance he can, by the end of the night we're on a park bench, knees grazing each other. We have more chemistry going on between us than you would find in a meth lab, which I'm sure Ryan wouldn't approve of, but we both feel it. I don't think I've been able to say this about anyone I've gone out with thus far, but I start to see Ryan as someone I could actually be with long term. We laugh a lot on our date, we seem to have the same sense of humor, and he has the perfect laugh.

We can't stop talking, we don't want to stop talking. Our date lasts till 2:30 am, so far a record compared to my other dates, and I want it to last longer. He kisses me on the cheek good bye, we already have our second date planned for Thursday night. He texts me a few minutes later, "I rather we have our second date sooner than later." I'm higher than the kite, I sore so beyond it.

So I'm finally fulfilling my fantasy of going out with my very own Luke Skywalker, I just need to not get the names confused ;).

“May the Force be with you.”
~Obi-Wan Kenobi

Warning: Dating May Be Hazardous to Your Health!

2010-07-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

Last year I started getting staph infections that just wouldn't go away, there seemed to be a welcome mat at my feet. I would get treated by the doctor, and he would give me new anti-biotics for every new infection. I would take the medication carefully, following all instructions, only to find that I couldn't shake what really liked inhibiting my body. Eventually the infections turned to MRSA a serious staph infection, which I would call "Super Staph," since it is able to build immunity to most anti-biotics. Finally my primary care physician aggressively treated it,and I was really given a clean bill of health. Even though I am perfectly healthy now, I am very aware that this "Super Staph" could have been a death sentence.

My date with Jeremy, which I am psyched about, is suppose to be on Wednesday night. On my way home from work on Tuesday I recieve a text from Jeremy asking that we change our plans to that very night, I figured I must have made a really good impression. I meet Jeremy at his place, he looks nice ready to go out. As he grabs a jacket for himself, I catch a glimpse of his arm, he clearly has the "Super Staph." I point it out to him, saying, "I know what that is." Jeremy then begins to explain how he's been at the hospital all day, and how he is being treated with meds and such, but doesn't see it as a big deal. I do, as far as I'm concerned he is definitely a Leper, this kind of Staph is contagious. Even though you can only really get it from skin on skin contact, I see Jeremy constantly touching it, and I don't want to be anywhere near his hand.

We go to dinner I'm feeling kind of squeamish, why invite me over when you have a severe infection? I'm starting to understand how clueless Jeremy is, how he does not understand the severity of the situation. Our conversation is basically him going on and on of how he thinks he contracted these boils. I already know all the answers, I have done my research because I promised myself I would never get this infection again. Jeremy really doesn't listen to my words of concern, my words of remedy. He keeps letting me know how he'll be fine, go to work the next day, all will be well, I shouldn't worry. I know better.

The next day I get a text of how Jeremy needed to admit himself to the hospital that very night, his infection (big surprise) had gotten so much worse. I worried, but didn't know how to treat this, we've only just gone out on our second date. I did let him know that if he needed anything I would be around, I also told him to get well soon. I couldn't act like a girlfriend, I really feel a few hours on 2 dates doesn't make me so. On our second date I actually didn't feel the same chemistry I felt on our first. It could have possibly been the fact that I was freaking out the whole time during our night out. I kept watching his hands making sure one didn't enclose on my own. I only wish I could have brought my latex gloves with me, I would have felt better.

I probably should mention something that might have also been the culprit of hindering our date. As I found myself pulling up to Jeremy's apartment, I recieved a text, it was Connor. His messaged relayed to me how he was so sorry for being so busy, how he was having personal as well as work issues. He sincerely wanted to know how I was doing, let me know he was thinking of me. He also mentioned that we should "make the time" to catch up. I was so torn, I still am. Why when I feel like I'm getting on with my life, continuing my dating for the sake of my blog as well as myself, he decides to disturb the waters? I tried not to think about it, tried to enjoy my somewhat infectious date with my Leper, I just couldn't. As Jeremy and I talked, all I could think of was kissing Connor, laughing with Connor, being in his bed. Do I continue my dating journey or constantly make these emotionally draining pit stops?

Do you follow your heart if it only wants to lead you into the deep valleys of heartbreak? If so I believe there is no need for a blindfold this time. As for Jeremy even though his Staph is still contagious unfortunately his smile just wasn't that night.

"You don't always get what you ask for, but you never get what you don't ask for... unless it's contagious!" ~Beverly Sills

A Man With A Plan

2010-07-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

They say to always expect the unexpected, and I ask myself what does that truly mean? I should know the meaning, considering my life has been quite the windy road with lots of road hazards, twists, as well as bumps in it. Even when my unexpected events seem pretty amazing, I'm always weary when they seem too good to be true. Sometimes my hopes become so high I feel as if I have wings, I could then use them to reach beyond the heavens, beyond the stars, ascending into the unknown. While on my ascent, I could always expect the possibility of deviant happenings, such as having those wings clipped. When such a calamity occurs, well I just have to hope there's a safety net waiting to catch me, and sometimes it's a comfortable one and sometimes the texture could be rather rough. Either way, I have to remember that it will all be okay. I think you have to realize that in the big picture the puzzle pieces will eventually all come together, even if at the moment the pieces of your life seem quite scattered.

After what seemed like an amazing yet perplexed night with Nathan, I thought we'd see each other again rather soon. The flame seemed to go out as fast as the match had struck. Nathan stopped answering my texts, didn't really try to reciprocate my flirting, and I couldn't help but distance myself as well. I consider myself a pretty smart girl, and even if the bottle is kind of cloudy and the message is in code, if the message is in there I'll definitely find it as well as decode it. Therefore I think my blogging days on Nathan as well as Connor are over.

Today is a good day, a good session with my clients, and unexpectedly a cancellation in my schedule, which left room for a coffee date with Jeremy. Jeremy is an officer in the Marine corps, very cultured, intelligent, and I must mention very very cute. We decide to meet for coffee at Pete's in Redondo Beach, it's late afternoon under overcast skies. I have to admit, I definitely find these blind dates a little nerve wrecking. When a man posts a photo online that you find quite attractive, you still have to assume that the picture could have been doctored, (after having a photo shoot of my own, I should know), or perhaps it was taken ages ago. I see Jeremy walk into Pete's, I'm not disappointed, he's cute if not cuter than the pictures he posted online. He's tall, has a strong stature about him, strawberry blond hair, clear grey eyes, and a very athletic body. Is that a good enough description? As an artist I would consider myself someone who pays special attention to detail.

We start our conversation very smoothly, he's so easy to talk to and we're definitely very like-minded, I can just tell. He's also a serious minded kind of guy, exactly what I'm looking for, the last thing I need is another anti-relationship Connor. We get along so well, I like his smile and his laugh, a huge thing for me by the way! I don't ever do this for a guy, but I almost wanna cancel the plans I have for tomorrow so I can see him again as soon as possible. I know I have to be good, play it cool, not seem so anxious. Even though I consider myself someone who doesn't "play the game," I realize that if I show my cards too soon a man can easily realize he has the upper hand. Take things slow, build a strong basis for a sturdy foundation so it doesn't all just fall through, and I need to seriously start using these building tools for a change.

Jeremy kisses me on the cheek, (he smells so good!) and lets me know he already has a dinner outing planned for our next date. I have to say I always like a man with a plan.

“People come into your life and people leave it... you just have to trust that life has a road mapped out for you.”
~Orlando Bloom

Unexpected Fireworks

2010-07-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

Country music and line-dancing, the 2 things many Americans enjoy. I consider both to be the bane of my existence, yet last Friday night I found myself at a place called "Incahoots." "Incahoots" is where you can find both men and women in cowboy boots and hats doing the "Electric Slide" among many other group dances, on the dance floor. No, my friends did not bound and gag me, they just did not disclose our destination until we actually arrived. "We're not in Kansas anymore Toutou." I also must mention we were accompanied by some interesting characters: a Zimbabwean named Simba, who called himself "The Ghetto Line-dancer," a Japanese college student who barely spoke any English, and his friend who served as his interpreter. The language barrier understandably made it hard to communicate, so we made the best of the situation. I'm pretty sure this guy is going to go back to Japan and announce how all Americans are retarded, and that we only know how to use the "thumbs up" sign and say, "Okay?"

I'm mostly observing the fact that Simba, the Japanese students, and I are definitely the minority in this big Country shin dig. I look around the room scanning it for potential blogees , when someone catches my eye. I suddenly recognize Nathan, the clueless guy I had gone out with a month ago, the one who needed a dating manual! I need to say hi, I definitely want to say hi, what's stopping me are the 2 girls talking to him. I'm thinking he may be trying to flirt with them, and I definitely will not be an obstacle in the line of Nathan getting his game on. Despite my better judgement, I approach casually and say hi.

Nathan can't believe I'm at "Incahoots," funny I can't believe I'm there either. He looks me up and down, mentions how pretty I look and starts to inch closer towards me. Nathan's close enough that I feel he might be slightly bending the laws of proximics. Who is this guy? Not the guy who I remember, the one I had to give dating instructions to. I'm thinking he's in his element, I'm remembering his fondness for Country music. I quickly find out the 2 girls are just friends that are accompanying him, I'm relieved to know I'm not a disruption. In fact I'm thinking I'm making a good second impression, something I find human beings rarely get to do in their lifetimes.

The next day Nathan surprises me again, he calls me. He says his friends are having a 4th of July Barbecue, and wants me to accompany him as his date. I actually do have set plans with my family, do I really wanna change them for this guy? I become impulsive, I say yes hoping I don't regret my new decision. The one catch Nathan mentions, everyone will be a religious Christian. I begin to feel some regret slowly slip in, guess I'll be an undercover Jew for the day.

The Barbecue is small, and the people are really nice, overly nice. The word "Bible" is being thrown around a lot, and I'm just hoping there won't be a pop quiz on the New Testament. (I'll take Jesus for 200 Alex!) Nathan's a little more awkward in this position, me as his date. He's in a playful teasing mood and keeps making fun of me in front of his friends. I'm starting to get extremely irritated and am wondering if I made the right decision to be here with him on our country's birthday. We walk over to Fullerton college and set up lawn chairs in a track stadium, again I'm starting to feel Nathan get close to me. He puts his hand on my back, he rubs his leg on mine as we sit together, trying to keep warm while watching the fireworks. His touch is comforting and I quickly forget about my 'slight' irritation. I'm starting to become attracted to Nathan, I'm feeling sparks, still not sure where this is all coming from.

At the end of the night I find myself in Nathan's car, he's tired, I'm tired, yet we're sitting anticipating something. "I really wanna kiss you right now." He says."I know you do." I say back. He takes my face in his hands, his lips are on mine, it's amazing, he's amazing, Nathan by far is a very skilled kisser. I don't want our night to conclude, I want to kiss him till the sun rises, till we hear the morning birds start to wake and chirp.

Yes, changing my 4th of July plans was an impulsive decision, but I definitely don't regret it ;)

"May the sun in his course visit no land more free, more happy, more lovely, than this our own country!" ~Daniel Webster

The Screening Process

2010-07-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sure many of you are wondering how I am able to acquire the many dates I have been going on. Well as you may know I am a talkative and friendly person so I have met men randomly, or at some social gatherings; however the majority of men I go out with come from online dating sites, particularly "Plentyoffish" and OKcupid." When online dating first came on the scene, I believe no one really knew what they were doing, so whomever received an email from a somewhat good-looking individual would definitely get excited with this response to their profile and go out with the sender of the cherished message. I believe that once we started discovering that people weren't always truthful when describing themselves on a computer screen, we all realized some sort of filtration system had to be developed. Each individual will definitely tell you they have their own screening process, and I'm going to introduce you to mine.

First off when looking at a profile the first thing I look at are age and the pictures. At the moment I'm 29 and not dating anyone older than 37, and even that is stretching it a bit. My interpretation of a man who's 45 and looking for bliss with 29 year old is a midlife crisis in the making and the man doesn't need love he needs a good therapist.

A profile picture needs to be clear, not the person standing in the far off background so I cannot see his face.(I don't care how pretty the background is, I'm not going on a date with the background.) So yes, I need to see full head shots, as well as full body ( I like somewhat fit people), I really would rather the shirt be on since a man that shows off his abbs may be compensating for a brain that doesn't exist. This would include pictures of people lifting their shirts and taking cell phone pictures of themslelves in mirrors. I don't want pictures of a beer bong in hand, or every picture where the beer is a true companion glued to your side. I start suspecting either too much partying or alcoholism.

Next let's go to the profile itself: Spelling and grammar! If a person can't spell big words, I rather they not use them at all. If a man can't differentiate between your and you're, as well as there, their and they're, then that's a deal breaker for me. If I see there are no ambitions, not much information put out there by the person I'm thinking they just don't care enough to write about themselves and don't take this online dating seriously. When I see too much written, well it's basically all just fluff, and even though I'm a female I rather you'd leave some mystery and not tell me your whole life story on a page. There is a formula for the "just right" amount of info; a good amount about your job, a handful of life goals, sprinkles of personality, and a pinch of humor and believe it or not, those are the ingredients more or less. Last but not least I have a strong distaste for people who write things about their exes and how this time around they want to be "DRAMA FREE." Come on guys! We're girls, there's always a little drama, it's part of life, get over it!

Next on the list are tattoos and piercings: if you have one or two, I'll accept it, but if you have a whole sleeve going on I feel like you really must enjoy self mutilation, and physical pain, and I'm really not sure if I want to be a part of that. I mean can't you just draw on yourself? That way you can wash things off and draw new ones when you get bored. The whole sleeve concept just isn't really for me, when you're older those pictures definitely won't look the same and might be either hanging or stretched at different angles.

My screening process did not go so well on my last date as what I thought seemed like a down to earth guy, turned out to be a "battle planner." When I say that I refer to a guy who wants to bring up subjects to get a sort of response out of a woman and preferably a nasty one. This guy had major battleship plans, maybe even Helsinki in mind. His main goal was to push as many buttons as possible, do some damage if he could. Lucky for him I could care less about American politics and the structure of the society we live in. So even though I have developed an almost perfect filtration system, it does still have some bugs to work out.

“Once we are in the habit of filtering what we want to believe through a sieve, disbelief splashes back in our face.”
~Author unknown

Board Shorts and a Basketball Jersey

2010-06-28T21:46:00.000-07:00

If the 10 Commandments of dating existed I'm sure one of the commandments would say, "Thou shalt not wear board shorts on a first date". Seriously there must be an unwritten rule somewhere about a dress code when it comes to taking someone out. I don't think it matters if you're going out to coffee, lunch, dinner, or a date at a bar playing pool somewhere, about 90% of the men and women I know; dress to impress. If I have a lunch date I'll probably wear a cute sun dress, and for a date later in the evening a little bit of sexiness is definitely involved in dressing plans. I am really attracted to a jeans and button up shirt kind of man,( no not a Hawaiian shirt) if he can work it, I'll be all over it, syrup on pancakes. ;)

I decide to give a 38 year old South African Jewish guy a chance. His name is Grant, and at a last minutes notice, asks me if I'm free for lunch. It just so happens my appointment canceled last minute, so I am. We meet at the "Gypsy," I come in a cute jean dress with high heels, my hair is nice, my makeup natural, I'm utter complete eye candy. I'm sitting at a table waiting for him, I look up and see a man that looks way older than 38. He has a kind face, and would be ruggedly handsome if his hair wasn't dyed a color of blond that definitely defies the laws of nature. His dress attire makes him stick out like a sore thumb, worse, a sore thumb that has a severe infection, maybe even Leprosy. He's wearing board shorts, and a basketball jersey, a jersey that doesn't even match. I'm sorry, but the least he could do at this point is make sure his shirt and shorts are somewhat color coordinated. I'm already realizing that it's all going to be down hill from here.

He's awkward, really AWKWARD, trying to pull off looking like a 21 year old and have the stature or a man who does serious business and travels. Within 20 minutes of conversation he casually mentions he's moving to Miami in a month, and will be doing the back and forth thing from dry to absurdly humid weather. He wants a girl to come with him, settle down with, have Jewish babies with. Our communication is somewhat flowing, I'm trying to make myself comfortable and get to know Grant, trying to not judge a book by its cover. He's fascinated with my religious background, and trying to convince me I can live a very satisfying life in a conservative Jewish environment. I'm on the verge of cringing, as all my emotions shut off hearing this. I'm not comfortable talking about a future on a first date, especially a religious one. I'm looking at my watch, trying to be subtle, I need to go to my next appointment, and I believe we both know I'm not traveling anywhere with Mr. Boardshorts.

He smiles as he says goodbye, mentions he has lots of appointments and clients to meet up with now. I'm wondering if he has a change of clothes in his car, maybe a suit and a tie? I'm pretty sure if I were this man's client I would not be closing any deal, would not remotely be able to take him seriously. I know as a potential love interest I definitely did not.

"What a strange power there is in clothing." ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

My Island

2010-06-19T23:28:00.000-07:00

Ever see the movie "Up in the Air?" I haven't seen it yet, but I do have a good idea what it's about. George Clooney who plays the main character, is a man who would never commit to a woman. He considers himself an Island, a place where women can go to get it away from it all. He is the ultimate temporary fix for the lonely woman who plans on taking a holiday for a somewhat short period of time. She can enjoy him, take pleasure in him, be happy with him, but she knows what's she getting into, this will be brief. I know this isn't exactly what the plot is about but this stands out to me, because this is how Connor defines himself.

It's Saturday afternoon, and I'm coming home from work in a little bit of OC traffic. I get a text from Connor, and before I can respond I already know I'll be at his apartment in the next 10 minutes. I come in, hair pulled back in a ponytail with my head band, how I put it when I teach swimming. His face lights up as I walk in, and I'm pretending I don't notice. We're sitting on the couch, catching up, my hands are in in his as he moves his thumbs back and fourth on them. We're so connected, I wonder if he feels the sparks I do. I lean over to kiss him, I just can't wait anymore, it's been 20 minutes since I've walked in. "How long have you wanted to kiss me?" he asks, I smile, "Since I walked into your apartment, and you?" He smiles back, "Likewise."

We make up for lost time, we lay down in his bed, hold each other for as long as we can. I know I need to go soon since I already have plans to go out with my friends tonight. He wants to see what I'm going to wear for my "girls night out," as I have a few choices, and offers me his shower and bathroom to get gorgeous. I like the way this sounds and proceed to clean myself and model my dresses for Connor. He chooses my babydoll dress, and even though I plan on wearing something else I decide to leave it on. I want him to see me look pretty in it as I leave. He hugs and kisses me good bye, saying, "I think we're both on the same page." He's referring to our relationship, whatever that means.

I leave the island, but I know I need to come back, it's my drug, this is a new addiction for me. I wonder how Connor would feel if one day I said, "Hey I want to pack some bags, make this vacation a little more permanent." Why couldn't he be more like the Island on "Lost," after all I did crash into him by accident, and I feel really stranded on it, or rather him. Even after the "Lost" crew actually leaves the Island, for various reasons, they still HAVE TO go back to THE ISLAND. What's wrong with wanting a long term get away if it means you can have more of your time dwelling in happiness? I make Connor happy when we're together, I know how to make him laugh. If the Island appreciates me when I'm there, why wouldn't it want me to stay a little more long term?

As I get to my friends' house ready to go out, I realize I have left my sandals on my Island, since I left Connor's place in my heels. I guess I'll be extending my vacation time after all.

“No man or woman is an island. To exist just for yourself is meaningless. You can achieve the most satisfaction when you feel related to some greater purpose in life, something greater than yourself.”
~Denis Waitley

Chasing Butterflies

2010-06-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling a little bit stagnant in my life. Yes, I will be starting school soon, I'm working two great jobs, and yet I feel a little stuck, I wonder when my life will truly start? I think the reason I've felt this way is I see so many people getting married at this time, people constantly changing their facebook statuses from "single" to "married." Am I jealous? Not at all, but yet I still can't help but feel a little sad, maybe a little left behind as well. I often wonder, if I ever went back to being religious, would my life be better? Would I meet the partner I'm SUPPOSED to be with, my Basherit if you will. Yet at the same time, I don't want to feel this way. It would make the life I'm leading now so meaningless, and I know in this life I'm living now, I have meaning. I have strong feelings towards this, having no desire to be religious or observant ever again. I want to be with someone so faraway from Judaism that he doesn't know the meaning of the word. I also would rather get married by the Justice of the Peace, and have a weekend party for my friends. That's if I ever do decide to get married at all, there still needs to be a man involved after all. This I feel will make me happy if not satisfied, I'm sure of it.

Tonight I am going out with Nathan who wants to be chilvarous, and asks if he can pick me up for our date. I like this, I like a man who wants to make a good impression. Nathan however, states from the very beginning that he has not dated a lot in his lifetime despite the fact that he is good looking, 30 years old, is in school to become a physical therapist, and a somewhat religious Christian. I find it difficult to believe, why on earth is this guy not taken? As our date brings us to a cute little Mexican place on the beach, I start to realize why this man is single, he has no clue, not even a snippet of how to date. He starts talking about relationships right away, he definitely wants a strong bond. Nathan wants to find "that" girl, the one who wants to carry the bouquet, walk down the isle, get married in the church. I tell him the so called "wedding plans" I have worked out for myself. He has a hard time believing I feel this way, and despite that he still wants to explore me, maybe convince me that I could have that "White wedding," if I found the right person to have it with. We switch topics, in a direction I'm more familiar with, music, the topic you use when you have nothing else to talk about. In Nathan's case he likes Country music.

The only thing I know about country music: What do you get when you play a country song backwards? Answer: You get your dog back, your wife back, your house etc... Can I even relate to a guy who likes country? I mean I seem to be attracted to the red-blooded american type, and isn't that what country music is all about?

We finish our Mexican food and Nathan looks at me and says, "So are you done with me? Should I take you home? What do you want to do?" There needs to be an instruction manuel for dating, and Nathan needs to be studying it, memorizing paragraphs word for word. "No I'm not done with you." I answer, but maybe I should be saying yes I am. We go for a drive on the coast, I do most of the talking and Nathan doesn't seem to mind. We pull over by the PCH on a cove by the beach. It could be so romantic if I felt that romantic feeling. I want to force it, I need to have that feeling of wanting to kiss this person, I'm starving for that instant connection. It's just not coming.... Suddenly Nathan's car battery dies, and I'm now calling AAA to come give us a jump. While waiting to be rescued I'm starting to realize that this boy really indeed likes me, and probably would kiss me, if I could just let it happen. I'm having a hard time, still thinking about Connor, how I won't see him till next week. I'm wanting so badly what I obviously can't have.

Before AAA shows up, Nathan tells me how he could listen to me forever. He likes my answers to his questions, he likes the way I make him feel comfortable. Should I be feeling this chemistry too? Why is it so onesided?

AAA comes into view, drives up, gives us a jump, and we are ready to go home. Nathan walks me to me door, I put my hands out so he can put his fingers between mine. He looks at my hands puzzled, "What do you want me to do?" OH MY GOD, where's that dating instruction manual when you need it?? I take his hands within mine, and kiss him on the cheek. I even suggest we do another practice run in case he EVER runs into this situation again.

I think I can say I made Nathan's night, I wish he could have made mine. Am I Being too hopeful in wanting that instant chemistry? Should I start realizing that maybe I have unreal expectations? Maybe I should give up, put my net away, start chasing something else besides butterflies.

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

The Passion of the Datist

2010-05-21T00:15:00.000-07:00

I would probably consider myself an "ageist", because when it comes to dating I am a little discriminatory towards guys who are younger than 26. It's not that I think there aren't any mature 21 year olds...well yeah I think those only exist in fairy tales, but I digress...I had gotten asked out by a guy who was 24, who at first I was extremely reluctant to ever meet up with. I was ready to shut the door in his face, eager to let him know it was never gonna happen, but something about him stopped me. Interestingly enough I decided I was gonna give this guy a chance based on something very simple, he was an art student. I haven't picked up a paint brush in over 10 years, but at one time I was an art major, and could give you information on anything from prehistoric art to post impressionism. I also wanted to "mix it up," or rather try to go on a date with someone I wouldn't usually find myself with, make the blog more interesting. Believe it or not I actually try to avoid artists like the plague, I've dated quite a few. They just seem to have such big complicated webs, constantly getting entangled within them, makes for a lot of drama. On the other hand, I find that they are the passionate people of this earth, the one's that get inspiration from something as simple as eating breakfast. I hate to admit it, but I actually belong to the society of these passionate people, or maybe I'm just the president of the fan club, either way, close enough.

I meet Josh at the same coffee shop I had met Daniel at, what can I say, I'm just a creature of habit. Josh isn't particularly my type physically, he's tall, dark hair, and olive colored skin, I'm thinking probably a mixed ethnicity. The thing that makes him stand out the most are his green eyes, they don't seem to belong to his face. Josh is a tad socially awkward, seems to be a little nervous, I decide to help put him at ease with my own awkward social skills. Since I know Josh is studying the same art I have stored on a dusty shelf in my brain, I immediately start pulling the records out for show. I'm pretty sure I'm not attracted to Josh at all, but he's very easy to get along with, very smart, witty, and of course passionate. I don't know why I decide to do this, but Josh just seems like such a trusting individual I suddenly wanna share with him what I'm most passionate about...Yes my BLOG! He's fascinated by it, excited to be a part of it, encouraging my artistic spirit. AHH, there's nothing I enjoy more than people who live to inspire others. We start connecting and communicating with each other as if we're indeed dear friends, two artists, and I am more than happy to welcome him into my life.

In case you are all wondering about what happened to Connor, well I haven't heard from him in three days. I feel this isn't so unexpected; in Connor's mind getting close to someone is a sentence worse than death. I have a hard time understanding why he hooked me in only to repel me away like an unwanted insect. Am I bummed a little bit? Yes, very much so, but at the same time I'm truly okay. To me, life is about taking risks, dare to fall in love, dare to be close to someone, dare to share your world. If we didn't take risks in life, wouldn't we constantly live our lives in fear? Fear of being let down, or disappointed? As human beings we eventually come to the acceptance that this is a part of our life path, and usually illuminates a new pathway just waiting to be explored.

I've never understood people who try to get back with their ex-boyfriends, or ex-spouses after they've been kicked to the curb. Connor had told me a story of how his ex-girlfriend just showed up at his door one day looking for some form or closure or some sort of clue that he might still have interest in her. From my point of view, this is just a story of pure desperation. Why on earth would you want to be with someone who didn't value every aspect of you? Why put your feelings out on a sliver platter when they'll just be thrown back in your face? Why not realize that there's something so much better out there, someone who's going to adore every ounce of you? I need someone who's going to enjoy my mind, my body, my spirit and even my "adorable" clumsiness. I need someone who enjoys life as much as I do, gets inspired by the sunshine, dances on tables once in a while, and is just full of passion.

Josh and I probably won't be dating anytime soon, but I thank him for the insight he has given me tonight. Sometimes we find that in the most unexpected of places!

"Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise." ~Author Unknown

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu
(An extra quote for extra inspiration!)

Sweet Surrender

2010-05-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

I've never truly considered myself a romantic in any sense of the word. I will admit to appreciating romantic gestures, not so much flowers or chocolate as much as little romantic moments in between. A look of desire in my direction, my hand being taken unexpectedly, my face being taken in someone's hands, for me anything that's a butterfly trigger is more romantic than any material object.

For our Saturday night date Connor persuades me to go to a very elegant Wine Bar in Long Beach. I walk in taking in my atmosphere; mellow, low lighting, candles on every table, I must say very exquisite. Unexpectedly Connor happens to be a wine conosur, and is helping me choose a Riesling I may like. My Riesling is sweet to perfection, and is just the right anecdote for a very stressful day, a bubble bath in my mouth minus the taste of soap. Connor insists that we order dinner at this lovely place he has chosen, this is turning out to be a very romantic if not enchanting date. Connor notices I'm nervous, he doesn't realize that unexpected events make me anxious by nature. He looks at me, sparkling blue eyes, he says, "Enjoy the atmosphere, enjoy your wine, enjoy the company you are with." I begin to feel myself calm down, let the wine take its effect, as I feel the flutter of wings in the bottom of my stomach.

We have great conversation, connect well, I am finding tiny cracks within his emotional wall, even as its being bricked up. Instead of using the word, "Dating" he replaces it with "hanging out," which is less than attractive to me. These words soon escape my mind as he reaches for my hand across the table, those wings are now beating harder within my chest. I'm sure from afar Connor and I look like a Monet painting. I know from studying some of Monet's paintings, only from a distance I can see the image clearly, its beauty makes sense to me. When examining it up close, all that can be seen are his blotchy complex brush strokes that somehow bring all of the elements of his creative work together. Whatever is happening between Connor and me probably makes no sense if we put all our elements together. I'm also positive that from a distance we seem like a normal couple, enjoying each others company, laughing at each others jokes, living in the moment. Even our waitress is commenting how cute we look as she hands Connor our bill.

I am aware this may be temporary, but I need to throw in all of my heart, all of my senses, I want to experience everything with no thresholds or barriers. My shields have been lowered, my white flag in hand, I need to surrender to what I'm feeling right now.

I try to prolong falling asleep in Connors arms, I know that as soon as I blink I'll be on my way home, looking forward to our next "hang out." I lay there breathing him in, I want to remember this moment, I need to remember this moment. It is a known fact that the olfactory nerve is by far the superior system when it comes to prompting a recollection of blissful events.

"You've gotta' dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt.
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth." ~William W. Purkey

A Great Salesmen

2010-05-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

I think in some way or another we are all marketers, constantly trying to promote ourselves to receive the appreciation of others. When we find ourselves desiring something, we definitely practice rehearsing our lines that may help us reach that goal. Those attainable goals may include a new job, perhaps impressing a new group of friends, or a possible new love interest. I can definitely say I have been in the high heeled shoes of a salesman. I was 24 and determined to try my hand at sales, but I was most definitely doing the Devil's work: Selling TIME SHARE. I considered myself a likable person, able to relate to the customer, able to bring the product and consumer together in holy matrimony. What I failed to recognize at the time was that in order to sell a product you truly have to believe in it, and I due to past experience I truly believe TIME SHARE is EVIL! When on a date I now am a true promoter of myself, because I BELIEVE in myself. I no longer tailor to the customer anymore, it has come to the point where the customer has to tailor to ME. Can I get a little "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me..."

I am a little reluctant to go out with Daniel when I meet him. One thing I am very cautious about is dating serious Christians, people that are so devout and happy that they found the Big J that they just need to announce it on the bullhorn. Daniel assures me that he will not be doing any preaching tonight and promises to take me to one of his favorite coffee houses. Alas I am falling to temptation, you must realize coffee houses are definitely my Kryptonite. He takes me to this really unique Coffee shop called Kean in Newport, this is definitely my type of scene, and a great place for an intimate date.

Daniel in a nutshell: 30 years old, an engineer, he has reddish curly hair, light eyes, and what he calls a light beard. I will admit that he has good looking features but they do not make him stand out in any which way. If you met him, you would say he was cute, perhaps in an average kind of way. It's his smile that truly brings the puzzle pieces of his face together, it brightens up the room! I am enlightened but uncertain whether he is my type physically or not. Daniel is a good conversationalist, even though I start to suspect we don't have too much in common, but I do like looking as his smile. As we start talking about what I do for work, Daniel begins to start "Promoting" himself, giving me examples of how he himself is a giver, that he truly understands my nature. Suddenly every subject I'm bringing up he's trying to point out, how he's THAT guy, the one who can fit in every life scenario I have going on. He's looking for too much common ground, to the point where I'm looking for something we definitely don't have in common, uh...I don't know, Maybe the fact that I enjoy eating dirt? Is this an act of a desperate man looking for a connection, looking to be understood? I'm starting to get a little uncomfortable, and he's having a hard time reading my social cues.

It's starting to get late, and I think Daniel now realizes that my heart just isn't in it for the sale. I will say that the way he marketed himself was actually very well orchestrated, and I think this man needs to start selling something sell-able because hands down best salesmen I've ever met! He has strategy, charisma, passion, all good skills a great salesmen must have. Unfortunately for me he just was not selling the specific product my heart was looking to purchase.

"The best of merchandise will go back to the shelf unless handled by a conscientious, tactful salesman." ~James Cash Penney

The Emotional Wall

2010-05-08T20:47:00.000-07:00

Why is it that every time I meet someone I feel I could possibly like, enjoy spending my time with, maybe even fall crazy in love with, somehow there always is a severe emotional glitch? The men that have the perfect smile, the body of an Adonis, or maybe even the smarts of Albert Einstein, so perfect on paper and yet so damaged in real life. I find myself constantly attracted to those kind of men, the ones who wish to keep their distance from me emotionally. When I was with Trevor it was the first time in a long time I felt I had met someone I actually wanted to be the better half of. Trevor had come from a divorced family, was very emotionally needy, jumped from relationship to relationship, I was too head over heals to recognize the signs of a damaged man.

There was this one date we went on, it wasn't anywhere special, we just decided to go for a walk in Huntington beach. Before we started our trek Trevor went to use the restroom, and I perched myself on a wall patiently waiting for him. As Trevor walks out his eyes immediately are joint with mine, we're so engaged in each other the whole world could be ending and we never would have noticed. He walks towards me envelopes me in his arms, looks up at me still perched in my place, and kisses me as if the Armageddon has just wiped out the whole human race from the planet, and now we truly are the only people left. We suddenly are brought back to reality as a nosy passerby says "Get a room!" It's been 8 months since that date, and remembering it still gives me butterflies.

Connor and I had our second date on Thursday night, I'm absolutely confident that the promise of "more to come" will definitely show its face tonight. We decide to go to The Elephant Bar in Long Beach for drinks and appetizers. The atmosphere is a little loud, and the drinks are a little too strong but I just decide to go with it, let it all go. Connor and I are still feeling the same chemistry from our first date. Since we've smoothly gotten through the woods of what would be our first date, there's now more room for flirtation and a little bit of intimate touching. Of course being a little buzzed at the moment doesn't hurt either.

Even though alcohol clouds my judgement, my feelers are still out, and my intuition is holding strong. I keep catching Connor saying bad things about women, the man seems to have such a low opinion of them that he already knows he NEVER wants to get married or have kids with one. Alcohol has made his tongue a little looser, and I can see from some of his comments this man sees co-dependency as a real weakness, his dad and brother who always need a woman in their lives to feel complete, are the examples he provides for me. He says up front he will never change, his exes and past experiences have molded and chiseled him to jaded perfection. The emotional wall he seems to be putting up right now has become strong over time and has seen many a battle.

I wake up the next morning in Connor's arms, I feel safe and cozy in his ever so comfortable bed that feels like ecstasy on springs. At this moment he has no problem providing me with all his affection and undivided attention without any barriers whatsoever. I'm now pondering where did that wall of his go? He opens up to me, listens intently, as he holds me tightly in his arms. Where did the toughness and rough edges go? Why do men so easily melt like butter when we find ourselves in their beds? Do they hide their rough exteriors under the sheets themselves? The man who is full of emotional pain, who refuses to let anyone in, is now kissing me, adoring me, and makes me feel like I'm someone special in his life. I wonder why this will suddenly change once I walk out of his apartment door? Men really do fascinate me, especially this one in particular. How did he transform from an insensitive guy who thinks all women are users, to someone who desires to receive the very same physical affection he is bestowing upon me right now?

Once again I feel like Connor and I are the only ones in this world, I could care less about anything going on outside his apartment, or what the future holds for us. At this moment I only want to continue laying in his arms and have him hold me till my air supply runs out. He looks at the clock on his dresser, we've been laying there awake for almost an hour. "I Just want to stay here with you just a little bit longer," he says, and now I'm the one who's melting...

"Baby you're all that I want
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in Heaven..." ~Bryan Adams lyrics, Heaven

Are you paying this, Or am I?

2010-05-04T12:57:00.000-07:00

Without a question when a man asks or suggests that on our first date we go out to dinner, any dinner, be it nice or not so nice, I believe the MAN should pay. when I first started learning about dating I didn't really understand this rule, I felt like I needed to constantly go rogue to show my independence, or rather make things even out to 50/50. As you can all see, I've obviously changed my ways in many aspects, this one in particular. Till this day even though I don't plan on paying for anything within the first few dates, I still rustle within my purse for my wallet so my date can say, "I got it."

I met Reese while going out with friends in downtown Laguna on a Saturday night. Reese has a young but handsome baby face and about half an inch shorter than me. I don't mind so much, even though I find I'm so much more attracted to taller men. I promise myself height will never get in the way of the Serial Datist's blogger story.
Reese is a manager of a wine and cigar company and gets to travel around the world, I salivate as he says this, I'm so jealous. Oh to have a job one day where you are able to travel anywhere.(sigh) He also has a carefree So-Cal attitude, skipped college so he has street smarts not so much book smarts...He loses some points for that. Our conversations don't have much depth, but we keep each other entertained nonetheless, and I will admit he is charming.

We are just finishing up our dinner at the Yard House and our waitress brings the check, letting us know we may look at it when we are ready. Reese decides to take her literally, doesn't even give it a glimpse. I find in these scenarios I can do a count down for about 10-15 seconds before my date will usually snatch the bill with ninja skill, then look it over with the precision of a surgeon before he puts his card in. Reese apparently doesn't follow the same unwritten rules I see most men using as their guidelines.

We keep talking, and I keep waiting for him to look at the bill, but it doesn't happen. It's coming to the point where I'm wondering if I'm going to have to offer going in with half, or at this point maybe he'll do worse and actually ask me to do so. The restaurant is going to close in what looks like 15 minutes, I then go for Plan B, I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I spend a wee bit more time in there just in case my date needs more time to add the tip and sign his name. If I come back to find the job not done, I could always use Plan C, clock him on the side of the head with my shoe.

I come back, and thank God he's payed and we're ready to get going and end our date. He walks me to my car, I give him a small peck on the lips, only because he actually requests it! It's true I don't find myself having any real attraction to him, I guess subconsciously I'm holding my breath a little for Connor.

Besides the small issue with the bill, which may not really have been an issue at all, Reese made for a very entertaining date, after all he did laugh at all my jokes =). Maybe when it comes to certain aspects of bill pay on a date, I just need a little more patience.

"When one admits that nothing is certain one must, I think, also add that some things are more nearly certain than others." ~Bertrand Russel

A little Romance On a Ship

2010-05-01T23:19:00.001-07:00

The other night I had a "Titanic" moment...Well perhaps not a exactly a Titanic moment, maybe just a 'me being clumsy on a ship' moment. Remember when Kate Winslet, playing Rose almost falls off the famous ship by slipping off the railing? Well I guess you can say I sort of had the same experience, except for the fact I wasn't intentionally planning my suicide, and I was probably going more for falling into the railing itself. My date quickly responded by catching me before the rail and I could get intimate. After the initial shock seeped into my body, my only response was,"Don't worry I'm actually a really good swimmer." As if falling into the water from a height of 236.2 feet was my biggest worry! I was more concerned with the possibility of getting a black eye...

I really liked Connor when I met him, he had these amazing sparkling blue eyes, so tall, handsome, and strong looking. He is 27 years old, the second policeman I've gone out with, and so my type. We didn't really have a plan for our date, and I was just excited to wing it. To my surprise Connor comes up with an idea to go for drinks on the "Queen Mary," in Long Beach. The man gets an A++ for creativity in my book! For those of you who don't know what the Queen Mary is, here are some fun facts:

Bigger, faster and more powerful than her predecessor the ship Titanic, the RMS Queen Mary lived a long life that included 1,001 successful Atlantic crossings. Built at the John Brown shipyard on the Clyde, Scotland, in 1937, the Queen Mary held the record for the fastest-ever North Atlantic crossing, and for three years she carried the rich and famous across the Atlantic in great luxury. During World War II, she carried troops across the Atlantic and afterward, she ferried war brides and children to the United States and Canada and then returned to service as a transatlantic cruise ship.

It's now a docked hotel, and I hadn't been there since I was 7 years old, and you know I was so game. A total new date experience with a very cute date, what more could I ask for? We sit in a dark corner of the ship's lounge, the candles placed on the tables make the atmosphere more than perfect. Connor and I get along exceptionally well, my body lauguage is speaking for itself, and Connor's body keeps edging closer to mine. We decide to wander the boat with our drinks, laughing carefree, as two merry buzzed individuals. If I only knew this guy a little better, I'd probably be pushing him into a corner so we could go get some serious lip action. Alas, I feel I must save my bad girl side for another time, gotta keep 'em wanting more right?

Our date ends at midnight, I love the way he looks leaning up against my car, and it makes me want to press myself up against him, but I hold back. I know he wants to kiss me, and I wait till he makes his move. Our kiss only lasts for maybe a few seconds, but I know it holds promises of more to come. We both agree we must do this again, as Connor takes my hand rather intimately, pulling me closer to him. He says he'd invite me in if he didn't have his exam in the morning. I sigh, thanking the faiths for that exam, I can bide my time with this one.

“We are the ship, we are the sea, I sail in you, you sail in me” ~Lorre Wyatt

Sitting on the floor of Barnes and Noble

2010-04-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love kids, I'd have to since I chose 2 professions that basically make me up to my ears in them. I love the way they laugh at silly things or the way really tiny details in life can totally make their day. Their innocence tickles me in a way I only wish I could relive my days as a child. So could I see myself dating a man who already has one? About 3 years ago I met Mason, a guy I would have my longest serious relationship with, and also my most unhappy one. Mason and I were dating at the same time he was in the middle of his divorce with his soon to be ex-wife who was pregnant with his soon to be son. At 26 years old the thought of becoming a step mother had never "passed go" into my mind. The fact of the matter is at this period of my life, I myself still felt like a child. Even though Mason and I were suppose to be in this for the long haul, the thought of being expected one day to hold the title as "step-mom" scared me every time the thought forced itself into my head. Needless to say our relationship didn't go for the "long haul."

Last week I received an email from Weston, he found my online profile intriguing(I'm on a few dating sites), and wanted to know if I was interested in going out. Weston is 31 years old, ruggedly handsome, a psycho-analyst therapist, and has a 3 year old daughter named Lana. I had a feeling at the age of 29 I would probably end up going on dates with men who might have children. In the world we seem to be living in right now It seems normal for people to have children out of wedlock. To my surprise I don't flinch, not even once, when Weston started talking about his daughter. He is in a very lucky situation as he and his ex-girlfriend are co-parents to their daughter and only live a few blocks away from each other. He is a very happy single parent, and without a doubt, she is the star of his affection.

Our date starts at a Peet's Coffee that announces 5 minutes after we walk in they're about to close shop. Weston suggests a Barnes and Noble that's down the street, and since I'm in a spontaneous mood I'm very happy to comply. The minute we get there we start rummaging around for different picture books so we can sit down and look a something colorful while getting to know each other. This Barnes and Nobles is different from most, as there are no comfortable seats. I suggest searching over in the kids section as there always seems to be spaces for children to sit in Indian style with books in their laps. So we found a corner, sat on the green carpeted floor, with children's books at our backs. I start to try to get comfortable but every time I move my elbow, I end up pressing buttons on a potty training Elmo book which keeps repeating, "Elmo loves the potty." Probably very appropriate actually since Weston's kid Lana at the age of 3 must be working on that right now.

Do I mind that Weston has a daughter? Absolutely not, but I'm pretty sure having a child changes your dating dynamic completely. Dating with an offspring in the mix would probably mean that this guy is looking for someone to be good to his daughter, not necessarily a mother to his daughter but definitely someone who enjoys children. I also suspect that you would have to be lion/lioness to your cub, as protective as possible because letting someone new into a child's life will always have some sort of influential affect. I'll also assume that the child must take to the new person in their parents relationship, which isn't always the case of course, but I'm sure it's preferable. The main thing here is that with a child, he/she will always come first in their parent's life, and even if you find this acceptable, you will always come second. "Elmo Loves the Potty." Sorry my elbow keeps going there...

Sitting Indian style on the floor of Barnes of Noble with Weston was actually a very nice time, and I'll have to suspect that since he did sneak in a few cute comments about how nice I looked, he found me appealing as well. Weston asked me out for a second date in the near future, and I'm thinking definitely a possibility.

I feel I must stress to myself that this is in fact just a first date, a first impression if you will, and I should not have to start thinking about the future at this time. Without a doubt though, a single parent with a child named Lana probably is...

"Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky." ~Fran Lebowitz

My Temptation, My Kryptonite, and My Cookie

2010-04-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

Why are we always tempted by things that are bad for us? When we're on a diet all we want is ice cream, when the sign says, "Don't touch," our hands are already all over it. How come things are so much more interesting and more attractive when you know it's gonna give you some sort of cavity, or bad consequence?

When I met Dale Watkins, I knew I would never get any work done in the math lab, in fact that's where we met while I was attending Orange Coast College. We flirted as we sat really close to each other at our desks. I just adored his smile and his laugh, it made me want to save it on a tape recorder so I could replay his cute chuckle over and over again. After 2 weeks of giggling and innocent touching, he took my hand and asked me what I was doing that night, he was finally going to take me out. Being out with Dale was amazing, he was an incredible kisser, and our chemistry was out of control. Unfortunately something that starts out this perfect always has to have a disclaimer label on it. Dale's Diclaimer: He was a religious Mormon. He told me we could never be a real couple, no one was allowed to know about us, and so we were constantly sneaking around. We knew we were going to hurt each other, but we couldn't stay away. When we tried to end it, he would come knocking on my door, and I had to answer. This was so bad for me, and I figured screw the consequences, and screw my soon to be broken heart, at the time I wanted this. Dale was my forbidden fruit, and temptation allowed me to sneak a few bites every chance I got.

Six years later, and my heart still hasn't learned its lesson. Evan is back and I know he's the epitome of what's bad for me. He's become my kryptonite, or rather the forbidden cookie I wanna steal from the cookie jar. I thought I could just stay away from him, you know? Out of sight, out of mind. Yeah, this wouldn't be the first time I was wrong. It took one text from him and all of a sudden we're making plans to see each other. I'm thinking we'll see each other in a few days and he's thinking in a few hours.

He came to meet me at the "Gypsy", cigarette in hand, ready to kiss me and cuddle me up. Why is there a weakness in my knees? This man's got some power over me, and he knows it, I know it. Evan has already established that he won't introduce me to his family, and he's never going to date just ME. Yes, my heart knows this is the very recipe for hurt. Despite all of this, he's become my temptation, and I'm completely magnetized.

We were standing in the middle of the parking lot of the "Gypsy." It was late, we had no place to go, and I couldn't be more content just being in his presence. Why am I so attracted to what I can't have, what I shouldn't have, what I know is going in absolutely no direction? Eh, Who needs direction anyway? Hand my heart that blindfold please, and just spin it around a few times. My blind heart is a happy heart, for now....

“I deal with temptation by yielding to it.” ~ Mark Twain

Bad boy or Buddha?

2010-04-09T22:40:00.000-07:00

What is it about the bad boy we just find so appealing? I know we're always looking for the "good" guy to bring home to meet the family, the one that will search for their approval. Yet there's just something so enticing about having a guy come pick you up on his motorcycle, being a jerk and then showing you his soft side, you're looking to get into trouble and he's so it. Having an edge, wearing those sunglasses, and being too cool for school, perfect ingredients for a bad bad boy. Doesn't James Dean come to mind? Many of us can confess to loving our rebels with or without causes, hate them for making themselves unavailable to commit, what's ironic is it only makes them more desirable to us. I got my first taste of Bad Boy goodness at age 19 when I met Jacob Pollack. Jacob was hot, had quite the reputation, and was as bad as they come, I knew I wanted all of him. I got what I wanted and then found him making out with another girl a week later. What did I expect? I knew what I was getting into before it started.

I met Jack totally by accident, he came right to my front door. It just so happened that my parents were having some ant troubles, and he coincidently was the guy who does pest control in our new apartment complex. My family wasn't home when he came to call, and since he was very good looking I decided to try and get to know Jack. We ended up talking for 2 hours still at my front door, and exchanged phone numbers so we could hang out. No sooner than 2 days did he ask me out for dinner, I was kinda psyched, he seemed like a "good" guy.

Jack takes me out to dinner at The Daily Grille, good food, and very expensive food at that. He is really nice, really quiet, it's actually starting to make me very uncomfortable. His quietness drives me to go on my random tangents, a reflex I have developed over time from living with a family who just doesn't believe in quiet time. It comes to the point that I am now so nervous I can't even provide conversation that makes sense. Something you have to know about me is that silence does not come naturally to me, I find it a very intimate thing. I can only make it happen when I'm extremely comfortable in a relationship, and I do mean extremely.

He is like utter complete Zen, just cool and content, and has no opinion on anything. I really want him to have an opinion of his own, I find this an attractive characteristic in men, whether I agree with them or not. I am seriously on a date with Buddha Himself, a man who loves everyone and everything in the world, excepts everything and everyone as they are, has no objections towards anything! Well except the fact that he does kill bugs for a living, but yet he still is very fond of them. I already know Jack just isn't for me, too "Zen"-ny, no edge, not an ounce of bad boy, and quite angelic actually. So sad that the nice pest control guy and I just aren't able to make the same connection we had made at my front door.

What can I say? I'm a bad girl at heart, still looking for her good guy with bad boy tendencies.

"Be my bad boy, be my man
Be my week-end lover
But don't be my friend
You can be my bad boy
But understand
That I don't need you in my life again
Won't you be my bad boy, be my man..." ~CASCADA lyrics

Checkmate!

2010-04-08T23:25:00.000-07:00

When I find myself on a blind date I know I'm 100% not attracted to, I usually have a back up plan. If you ever find yourselves in this situation, which I'm sure some of you do, well then break out the checkered board, because you my friends are going to play the game of chess. Chess is a game where you need a lot of strategy, wit, and skill. When on a date you really don't want to be on, then trust me, that kind of strategy is all you got.

First you have your pawns, the pawns represent your conversation starters, and your small talk. The small talk usually involves snippets of random facts that you might have heard from the history or national geographic channel, current events, basically anything shallow and pedantic will do.

Next you have your Bishops, the "Zigzaggers" that help you zigzag through your conversations, avoiding everything and anything that involves future plans, personal details about your life, and anything that involves feelings, especially your dates'. With you constantly moving in all different directions it doesn't give the date a chance to get anywhere near awkwardness.

Then you have your knights, the protectors that make sure the laws of proximity are withheld. You make sure your hands are nowhere near being on the table where your date may be tempted to put them in his own. You also have your rooks which you can use to "castle" around your Queen. This will make sure you have a protective "castle" around yourself so no innocent unwanted touching gets involved. If your date manages to get by your protective security then you may have to go into defensive mode.

The main thing any great chess player will tell you is that you have to be the "Dominator" of the game. This applies especially if your date is not in your league and possibly knows it, then he has to play by your rules, or he can't play at all. Stick to these guidelines and you should be able to make an exit from the date in less than 2 hours.

Theo takes me to a mediocre sushi restaurant in Costa Mesa for our date. The atmosphere is actually somewhat nice, even though the company doesn't match. Theo is a nice enough guy, a physicist, so smart but yet no social skills, and not batting so high in the looks department either. He mostly tries to talk about experiments he is interested in doing, and I stick to music and movies. You can basically say we are speaking too different languages for the duration of our time getting to know each other.

In any case I stick to my rules, and realize that even after pulling all my fancy moves, I still am indeed holding Theo's interest. I believe it is time to end this game and checkmate Theo, so the yawning begins. A date is usually very considerate of your needs and if they sense you're tired, then they're going to help encourage the date to end early. It actually isn't hard to fake, I have had a long day. Yes, I can definitely say I am tired.

He walks me to my car, gives me a hug that is a little too tight, and asks the question you wish you never have to answer after a bad date, "Can I call you sometime?" I don't know, can you? "Sure." Even as the words leave my mouth I know I will be doing the "avoiding phone call dance." Thank God for caller ID.

“Chess is in its essence a game, in its form an art, and in its execution a science.”
~Baron Tassilo

Dating with Dinosaurs

2010-04-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Stalkosaurus-Rex: A Powerful attractive predator that walked on two powerful legs, and known for her strong claws she had done at the salon every few weeks. Also Known to stalk her prey in a careful non-subtle manner. She is quite intelligent, but easily distracted by good-looking prey.

Flakeosaurus: A charming and devious specimen, usually male, and able to avoid predators by not answering their phone calls or texts. In fact this specimen is quite clever and is able to elude it's predators with his adorable smile and charismatic characteristics. Known predator: The Stalkosaurus-Rex.

I hated having it come down to this, since Marty AKA "The Pharmacist" would only text me a few texts and then never follow through with plans, I made a decision to go seek him out. Since I knew he was working his shift at Kaiser from 11-6:30pm, I knew after work my destination was set. Mind you, this is all about my beloved sweatshirt, I honestly am okay with not going out or seeing Marty ever again.

I arrive at Kaiser, walk myself straight to the pharmacy, finding Marty with a smile on his face that could make me forget why I am there in the first place. My heart starts to pound, and are those butterflies I'm feeling? NO NO NO, I'm on a mission here, no falling for that flakey smile! He puts his hands out, ready to fit my fingers in perfectly, DAMN! I can't stop myself, I take the bait. He is so excited to see me and is ready to make plans for tonight as well as Sunday. I warn him, no flaking, or I'm coming to see him Tuesday, (big scary threat in my opinion) since that's the only time I have in my stalking schedule.

So the Stalkosaurus-Rex will wait till 6:30 to see if the Flakeosaurus calls to make plans with her. Or will she find out that she got fooled again by her prey?? This is so gonna be the cause of my extinction...

"Dinosaurs may be extinct from the face of the planet, but they are alive and well in our imaginations." ~STEVE MILLER, Freaks!

Where Did My Pizzaz Go?

2010-04-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted someone to like you? You know, like when you were in high school and you may have had a crush on the cutest boy, oh how you wished he would totally just fall for you and say he wanted you to be his girl! For me it was Aaron Novick, he was 18 and I was 15. I flirted, I smiled my best teenage post braces smile, and hung all over him. He kept pushing me away, saying I was too young for him. He was right, I totally was, but you think that would stop my ambitious self? Eventually he stopped fighting me, and a few weeks before my 16th birthday, he put his hands up and surrendered. I will always remember the night he took my hand and did say, "I want you to be my girl." Victory is sweet!

Tonight I am out with a guy named Alec, a 32 year old swim coach from San Antonio, Texas. He is gorgeous, blond hair blue eyed, a little shorter than I expect, but nonetheless I find him appealing. I like our common ground of both being swim coaches, it is great to have a safety net to fall back on in case there is nothing to talk about. We actually hit it off pretty well, at times I am pretty sure he is flirting with me, and then others I'm thinking he kinda wants to skedaddle. I notice that during our date he seems comfortable, loosens up more and more, but still feel like my fishing hook isn't getting any bites. I promise you I have on the cutest outfit, my hair, for a change doing what it is told, there's even a perfect almost mathematical equation for how I do my makeup. How could he possibly have up a shield against my super powers?

We are at "The District" in Tustin, great place for a date by the way! After getting some coffee we make our way over to a fireplace. As I think I see some shields coming down, about 5 middle age men come sit with us and end up scooching us into a corner together. Hello? personal space??! They get all up in our business, trying to sell us on T-Mobile, I of course am my feisty-self all up in their business saying, "Whatever you're selling, we ain't buying!" Alec laughs at my forward and almost joking gestures towards the group of salesmen who now are trying to have their pow-wow in our coveted space. By default he is now sitting super close to me, but the only thing that is making heat, is the fire place now at our backs. I mean it's not that I think, 'OH MY GOD, THIS GUY IS THE ONE!' But at this point I want to be flirted with, I want to have a little bit of promise for a 2nd date, for my ego's sake. I totally want this guy to LIKE me.

He walks me to my car at 11, two and a half hours after our date started, never a good sign. Then he uses the dreaded line, "Be in touch." usually translates to, "See you around." The death sentence for any hope of a second chance to make an impression. Have I lost my pizazz? Did I talk too much? Not ask enough questions? I feet like a seat-belt that just isn't clicking in.

Despite the lack of chemistry and usual smooching, I actually am looking at a brighter side here. I think at times rejection is a good thing, puts you in your place, reminds you that not everyone is going to find you pleasing, and makes you greatly appreciate those who find you absolutely irresistible. =)

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

An Unexpected Turn of Events

2010-03-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

List of things you just don't expect to happen to you in your lifetime:

1. House burning down

2. Ex-summer boyfriend from England coming to visit

3. Alien abduction

Well 2 out of 3 happened to me this week, but still hopeful about that Alien abduction. Friday night after coming home from Shabbat dinner, my family came home to our house burning down. Quite unbelievable actually, we lost pretty much everything and yet somehow a week after this tragic event, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our fire was started electrically, and dealing with our insurance is less than pleasant, but you'll be happy to know we should be compensated for most things. This is a hardship but I have confidence my family will pull through strong. My dad's only regret is that we should have driven my clunker of a car into the burning garage before calling 911.

The main thing that has been such an amazing distraction this week was having a visit from my ex-summer love Darren from England. Darren and I met at camp Kislak in 2001, a camp for senior citizens in Scranton, Pennsylvania. About 9 years ago I was a lifeguard for the elderly and Darren worked in maintenance. The great thing about being a lifeguard for old people, is that you don't have to blow your whistle at them for running, or biting and dunking each other underwater! When I met Darren I swooned at the English accent, I liked the fact that he was tall and had great blond hair. We were so different, he was quiet, shy reserved, (very English) I was (and still am) quirky, loud, and zany (As Darren says, "very American"). At ages 19 and 20, we seemed to work well together, culture difference never got between us. Even though our relationship only lasted about 7 weeks, I can honestly say, Darren was definitely one of my favorite boyfriends.

About 2 months ago after 9 years of not seeing each other, Darren informs me he is coming back to the states to visit and making California one of his stops. It feels like a lifetime of not seeing each other, and yet I feel like he's still the same, and memories of us cuddling at night in my small room at camp start to flood into my mind. We spent the week catching up on our new lives, and I showed him around the OC. It's quite amazing that the shy English boy I once knew is now an accountant with a live in girlfriend he's been with for 4 years. He seems happy, and considers himself a happy-go-lucky "fatalist," and again still the same Darren I remember. The only thing I had issues with was his heavy British accent, which made him have to repeat everything he said to me about 90% of the time. As Darren would say, our time together this week was "love-ly."

Of course nothing happened between us, he has his live-in girl, and as I said, our relationship seems like a lifetime ago. I have to be honest, some of my feelings for him did resurface a little. After 9 years of not seeing each other, I missed the way he smelled, wondered if he still kissed the same way, and only wanted to talk about the fun times we had together during our interesting endeavors in summer 2001. I wanted to go back to when everything was innocent, life wasn't so complicated, and all that mattered was each other. In camp we were together everyday from 5pm-8am, 7 days a week and I just couldn't get sick of him. Maybe because I knew it had to end, subconsciously knew it was safe, or maybe I was just young.

I don't know what's going on with Evan and me right now. He's in New Orleans this weekend, did not call to say good-bye, or text. We saw each other at a work meeting on Tuesday night, said good-bye with kisses and with promise of seeing each other before his travels. Needless to say, it did not happen and again we're on the flaky pie crust page. I have come to the conclusion that I just cannot get emotionally attached to Evan, someone who may just decide on a whim to go back to Hawaii, shut me out emotionally, and likes to throw curve balls at me when I'm not looking.

Meanwhile Marty (the pharmacist) has a sweatshirt of mine that I loaned him on our first date, the only piece of clothing that wasn't in the fire. He's also the "phlakiest phreakin" pharmacist in the whole universe, doesn't call or text. I'm thinking the only way I'm gonna get my sweatshirt back is by seriously stalking him at Kaiser. To my surprise I find this to be a very acceptable answer, if this is going to happen, then let's get out the binoculars and spy gear, I'm so ready! As of now "Mission Stalking Sweatshirt" is so underway. I can be like a cross between Tom Cruise and Ace Ventura ( pop culture reference of course.), definitely way more like Ace, except without all the random animals.

Even with the house gone, our memories still remain, and I've managed to keep my sense of humor. If you're wondering how I could possibly still be dating at this time, I just figure my blog must go on, and so should I.

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Is this a good time?

2010-03-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

Timing, it's really everything to us, especially here in America. Let's face it, we're all slaves to the clock, whether it's waiting for the minute hand to reach it's final destination, which usually would be 4 or 5pm on a workday, or we have a deadline and the clock seems to be going faster than we can think. We don't seem to have a lot of time on this earth, it's why we believe we have to make the most of the time we have left. Whether it's spending time with your loved ones, using your time to be productive or just wasting your time doing nothing, either way you need to divide it properly. There's also a biological clock that some people, (particularly in the religious world) think I need to start paying attention to. My only answer is, "Everything in good TIME."

When Trevor broke up with me, and I had to know why, his only answer was, "It's just not good timing." I accepted the answer since there was nothing I could do to convince him otherwise, but my mind was in total revolt. I mean yes granted Trevor had a lot on his plate, he was finishing his engineering degree, still getting over the last girlfriend he had, and in a place in his life where he wanted to be independent and not living with his dad to save money. I knew all this was going on, but if it was really bad timing, then what? Meaning when the timing is better I'll come find you? That NEVER happens, or at least I don't think I've ever heard a case in which it has. I told Trevor if I was truly his person, the only person he wanted to be with, it wouldn't matter when I came into his life, we would have found a way to stay together and work it out.

Have you ever heard people say you usually find your person when you're not looking for it? Well I heard differently, that you're always looking (even when you say you're not) and end up finding your person in a place you would NEVER think to look. If this saying is true then it has nothing to do with timing, because your life can be chaotic, and all of a sudden someone comes into it to smooth it out. You can also say you were totally content with your life being the homely bachelor or bachlorette you are, until one day you're at the grocery store and meet someone that made you realize you weren't 100% content till their cart ran into yours at the checkout line. So is timing really what it's about?

Marty (pharmacist) literally said, "This is perfect timing" meaning I had come into his life exactly at the right time, since he had just broken up with a girl he had been dating for 6 months. We decided to maybe meet up after his shift last night, which he said promptly finished at 11pm since he was closing up. There was a promise of him saying he would call me when he was off. Well he never called or texted, which brings me to the conclusion that I now have a "phlaky" pharmacist. You know, maybe I should just consider dating pie crust, Lord knows it tastes better! Note to the men out there, if you say the exact time your shift ends, and then you don't call, we know you haven't lost your watch!

Evan called me this morning to touch base with me, to apologize for not calling the night before, he had been in the hospital since his Uncle had just passed away. I actually feel a little guilty for writing my "flaky" blog about Evan, I realize now he is going through a pretty big transition in his new life here. I didn't mention it before, but Evan just moved here from Hawaii, and is just starting to settle in this new home and all the baggage that comes with it, which would be his family. I came into his life out of nowhere, now we're dating, I wonder, am I coming in at a bad time of this guy's life? He did say something that truly warmed my heart, "My heart is in Hawaii, but you make my life here a little better." Who's to say if the timing is good or bad, we just need to enjoy the time we have now before it's gone.

“Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back."
~Harvey MacKay

Oh how I detest Flakiness

2010-03-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

If you asked me how I take my men I would probably say just like my pastries, sweet and flakey. It's kinda true, I seem to like the frosted flakes. I used to date this guy named Ryan Johnson, from the moment we met we adored each other, could not get enough of each other, I just thought he was perfect, till I found his Achilles heal, he turned out to be the king of flakiness, and he ruled over Flakyville. The man truly had it down to an art, he would say he was coming over, he couldn't wait to see me, and never show up. OH MY G-d! It absolutely made me crazy. If you think about it, when a person flakes out on plans with you it shows how little appreciation they have for you, your feelings and your value. Even if you know you rock a man's world in every which way, when he decides to flake on your evening plans, all of a sudden those insecurities in your mind start building up, and before you know it, all your self confidence is shattered. Alright maybe that's a wee bit dramatic, but still as of now I'm definitely feeling those insecurities whispering in my ear, good thing there was a chocolate chip cookie downstairs that had my name on it. I love it when saviors come in the form of round shapes with chunks of chocolate in them! YUM

Which brings me to why I needed my "cookie savior" in the first place. Evan and I had "sorta" plans tonight. I had asked if he wanted me to come see him on my way home from work since I was working not too far from San Pedro. (where Evan lives) He said he would let me know what he was up to and we would figure it out. Well I texted him in the middle of the day, didn't hear back. Called before I started my last case, he didn't call back. I ended up calling him to let him know I was over it and was going home which I left on his answering machine. That was approximately 3 hours ago and I still haven't heard back. Is there such a big difference between getting stood up and being flaked on? I mean when Brad didn't even show up for our date it probably was not such a bad thing thinking back on it now. We didn't really know each other, and it was a "blind-ish" date so to speak. Evan and I have been dating for almost 3 weeks, enough to build a small foundation, and enough of a basis to make him comfortable enough to invite me to go to Vegas with his family at the end of the month. On our last date we went to see Alice in Wonderland, cuddled the whole night, and I was definitely putty in his hands. I'll even admit to the fact that when that boy kisses me, I definitely get weak in my knees. So why on earth was I flaked on? Should I give him the benefit of the doubt and hope he just lost his phone? Because right now I really hope that's the case, even though I know how much it sucks to lose a phone. And trust me, I have a lot of experience with that, oh! and dropping it in water too...Sorry ADD moment.

Let's just say the pharmacist is looking pretty good right now...Maybe it's time to get another refill on some meds?

"Flakiness is a wonderful quality in pie crust, but a very annoying quality in people." ~ anonymous

I need to get me some pharmacist

2010-03-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

Since I moved home I've had to transfer some on my medical services over to Irvine Kaiser as well as the Kaiser of Mission Viejo. About a month ago my parents made me go to Kaiser since I had this cold that was making me miserable and they did not want to deal with my complaining. What? It's my right as a Jew to complain! So anyways the doctor prescribed cough syrup and definitely considered me a waste of her time, so I figured at least I was there to make my family happy. I go to the pharmacy to get my much needed syrup, and with my hot boy senses heightened, I notice a hot pharmacist. I wait in line hoping I get him and not any of the other dreary looking people who look less than pleased to be working there. They call my name, and alas it is not the gorgeous pharmacist with the great hair. But then he's suddenly standing next to me and smiles, and says, "how are you doing today?" To my delight I have his full attention. "You have great hair!" Yeah that's right I used the best come on line ever, and to my surprise he uses the same line on me, "YOU have great hair!" he then high fives me, I love the energy this guy is radiating I'm instantly drawn to it. After laughing with him a little I realize I'm holding up the line and said good bye. I kicked myself for not getting his number, but at the time I was dating Stan so it didn't really matter so much.

Well I needed a prescription filled yesterday and decided if I saw the cute pharmacist again I was so gonna get his number this time =). The minute I walk into the waiting room of the pharmacy he's the first one I see, he smiles immediately and waves, "Yay! He remembers me!" once I get to the head of the line we get all chatty, and I ask what he's doing this weekend, he smiles and says he has no plans and asks me the same question, and I realize this is the perfect opportunity to ask him to come to the house party I had RSVPed for, for the night. His name is Marty, aka hot pharmacist with great hair, and he was my date for the night. He is so excited and my heart is pounding as I leave, SCORE!

He gets to my house and I drive us to the party, he gets along great with everyone, he's a social butterfly and I can hang with my friends and not worry about him. It was perfect! He's funny, loves to laugh which is great because you guys know I'm a laugher. HE's good at conversation, smart, knows his meds, and for some reason I find that hot! No I'm not hitting him up for drugs. When we get back to my house at 4am of course we're making out and my car is pretty much getting streamed up. Yeah I got me some pharmacist! Have a date with Evan aka Italian stallion tonight, but is it weird that I'm not a little stuck on Marty? What's up with me and men these days? Maybe he switched my prescription with some "love" pills?

"Love is the best medicine, and there is more than enough to go around once you open your heart." ~Julie Marie

Commitment-Phobe or just looking for greener grass?

2010-03-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

Am I afraid of commitment? I've asked myself this so many times since I find these great guys who want me to be their girl, and yet I'm still looking for the greener grass on the other side. But then again about 6 months ago when I was dating a guy named Trevor, all I wanted was to be his girlfriend. When we met we were so into each other, texting a million times a day, he was so attentive and I was so sucked in. He had offered to take me to see truck racing a month down the road after we had just started dating. I simply said, if you're not sick of me by then I'll be happy to go. The text he sent me that just melted my heart was, "I don't think I could ever get sick of you." this was the first guy in a long time that I had no interest in running away from, when he wanted to get close, I only wanted to get closer. I can't even tell you what made him stand out from the rest, there was just this feeling of wanting to just be with him. And if there was something that truly stood out, it's the fact that he had the cutest hetero-man crush on Tom Welling of Smallville. He'd say "Tom is the only man that can touch me." Thank G-d It's hard to get access to touch Tom!

I've had to distance myself from Todd (Mr. Skinny) since I felt he was getting too close to me, way too fast. I actually really did like him at first but then I got knit-picky, and those of you that know me, know that when I get that way I'm just looking for excuses to leave. I almost feel bad not returning Todd's texts because I just don't know what to say to him. It's not like a I found a new relationship, I'm still serial dating. Perhaps this is just a first of many casualties of the crusade I seen to be on.

I went out with Evan last night to Downtown Disney, if you haven't been, it's a great place for a date! I like Evan, as I've said before the best word to describe him is "fun," which is the same word he uses to describe me. As we talked and went on about the many random subjects we seem to chase after, Evan said something that touched me a little, "This is a great place for a date, I'm definitely going to have to take other dates here." It's not that I want to be exclusive with Evan or anyone else at this time, but anytime I've ever gone on a date with someone I've never mentioned the fact that I'm dating other people at the same time, it never seemed right to me. (Yes I know this is weird since I am the serial dater.) I don't feel jealousy or anything like that, I know Evan and I are just on a sorta dating road trip with lots of detours. * Discoveries we made on our "little detours": 1)The cult that is "BUILD A BEAR,2) That I'm really good at being pimped out for cigarettes (Evan needed a few), and 3) Evan can't stay on topic in conversation for more than 5.7 milliseconds. (And I find it endearing. =))

Though a part of me truly craves what I had with Trevor, looking for that "Trevor" connection. I think it's the part of me that isn't over Trevor yet. Perhaps what Evan said made me think about how when I'm on a date with someone I like, I always want to share those feelings I'm having at that period of time with that person, and feel saddened by the fact that those feelings aren't just reserved specially for me. Anyways my sword is intact(Lip gloss), my horse is ready to go (My bike) and I am on with my crusade of dating many other random people including my Italian Stallion.

“Moving on, is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.” ~Dave Mustaine

The Italian stallion

2010-03-06T00:50:00.000-08:00

I have never really dated a co-worker before, I mean the opportunity never has really presented itself, until recently. I had just left a case for my job, and was asked to inform a new therapist all about the case he was about to take on. I arranged to meet the new therapist in LA at a coffee bean, his voice was so cheery and laid back on the phone I was feeling really enthusiastic to meet him. His name is Evan, and my first impression was this man is well...HOT! He's tall, very strong looking, a kirk Douglas chin, a very charismatic personality and he's very witty and intelligent, and OH YEAH! he's Italian =). Our conversation was suppose to be about the case, but we had kept following other tangents, the guy had ADD on steroids, and I loved it! We had amazing chemistry and the closer he sat next to me the more I wanted to kiss him. So appropriate for a work meeting right? This wasn't suppose to be a date, but it felt so much like one. We ended up texting all day Thursday and decided we absolutely had to be spontaneous and meet up that very night.

We went out to Costa Mesa, we flirted, kissed, and went on lots and lots of tangents. He was fun, and I needed fun, I thrive on fun...He was a great kisser and that's pretty much all I needed and all I wanted to do. Yeah yeah, at this point y'all know I'm a little bit of a lip slut. (And you're probably not wrong ;)) We have another date this Sunday, not sure what we're doing, where we're going, but I don't care, it's my kinda date =). I know what you're all thinking, isn't bad to date a co-worker? Well since we don't have an office we work out of together I'm pretty sure there won't be any awkwardness so this is pretty safe. I'm all for being spontaneous and just enjoying myself, and he's a ride I definitely can fit the height requirement for, so I'm just gonna jump in put my arms up in the air and WEEEEEE...

“The essence of pleasure is spontaneity” ~ Germaine Greer

The Cow and the kiss

2010-03-03T23:14:00.000-08:00

I have been seeing Todd now for about 3 dates, and I know he really likes me, but I'm starting to be bothered by his skinniness. Yeah yeah, I know I said it was okay with me, but lately I've been doing a re-examination in my head and recognize there's something to be said for a man that makes you feel protected through his size. Part of feeling protected is a little bit of the bulk a guy carries on his body, that you most likely don't have. The "bulk" I am referring to can also be mental, as a guy can seem strong through personality and provide some overcompensation for what he lacks physically. But I need more than just a strong personality, I crave a strong body. Not to mention the fact that despite the fact that I'm Ms. Muscles I am starting to feel like a cow standing next to him. Am I being shallow?? I have one word that says it all, "MOOOOO!"

Here's the other thing, there's something not right about the kissing. I'd consider myself pretty good kisser, I usually like to follow my partners lead, and somehow we find this happy medium of giving and taking between saliva and the tongue tango. I feel like Todd just can't pace it correctly, and just when I think I can overcompensate he finds a new rhythm that my mouth can't seem to dance to. So the two things I'm most uncomfortable with are a tad superficial, but I feel like I DO want a guy who can kiss me and leave me begging for more, and not someone I constantly keep checking my watch with every time we start locking lips.

So what do you do when you have these little issues? Do you try to repair them? Or do you leave? I personally think if this is what's REALLY bothering me, it's really just me looking for excuses to tell myself this person just isn't for me.

"You make breaking hearts look so easy, seems like you've done this before..." ~Anberlin

Skinny guy vs Robocop

2010-02-26T00:07:00.000-08:00

Lately things have been going my way, maybe it's my good attitude, or the fact that I haven't tripped over anything since this morning. All I know is lately I've been hitting all the right spots in my life to start over. I met this adorable guy named Todd, the blue eyes, the dimples, and a smile I wanted to rewind and replay constantly. Now mind you, I've always enjoyed guys who were a little more buff, and this guy is very very skinny. Way skinnier than me! But for some unknown reason I don't feel like a fat cow next to him, score for me! If anything I actually like it, and he liked my curviness, this had all the makings of a great night. He came over and since we only had 2 hours before my next date we needed to go somewhere not far, and so I'd have easy access to my car. I suggested a walk to a local park. It was the perfect place to connect, flirt and YES kiss, and that was a good enough date for me. I know a girl should technically be wined and dined, but even on a time limit, I sooo prefer to just sit on a park bench and swing on swings while enjoying the company of my very handsome date. He found my quirkiness attractive, and I liked our chemistry. And to my surprise HE said he preferred that if us two were gonna date that WE only should see each other! Hmmm, dilemmaed! I just got into enjoying this dating scene, and I'm weary of men who wanna commit a little too soon. Maybe I need to bring some garlic and holy water to my dates just to make sure this guy is for real and not trying to drain my blood. We have a 2nd date planned for tomorrow, anyone have a cross too? Just in case =).

From there I went straight to my next date where we did the traditional getting dinner. His name was Cameron, not bad looking, very strong football stature and is a COP. This guy was made to be a cop, Like Robocop, but without all the metal. I mean every little mannerism he had said man of the law. I halfway expected him to throw handcuffs on me in the middle of the date, in a very platonic way of course. His demeanor, his walk, the way his face went hardcore serious every time we talked about his work was INTENSE. We mostly just talked about gangs, arresting people, drug busts, shooting, you know, the usual law enforcement stuff. Meaning not even close to chemistry I had with Todd. Though I feel extremely educated after this date. This man was committed to his job, enough said. He said I too with the right tools, I could make a good cop...oy can you imagine? Officer Marcus? LOL, yeah right! I'd be handcuffing people while asking them what they like to do for fun. Hey what better way to make new friends? umm, on second thought I think I'll just stick to my day job if that's ok with everyone else =) So one man that's committed to his job and one possibly committed to me? I'd say it was a good night =)

“Commitment unlocks the doors of imagination, allows vision, and gives us the "right stuff" to turn our dreams into reality.” ~James Womack quotes

A Conflicted night

2010-02-20T23:47:00.000-08:00

As most of you don't know I actually am recovering from the flu right now, but despite the fact that I feel miserable I was asked out on a date and call to duty just took over, so here we go. I had met Zach about 5 months ago, and had chatted with him on and off, but recently he had come back into my life even though I informed him I had the plague he said he'd wear a surgical mask so we could go out. Well okay he didn't wear a surgical mask, but the man was determined to hang out. I decided beforehand that if the date went south, I would use my sickness to bail. It's not my usual M.O., to bail on a date, but lately I've been wanting to experiment and I feel that one date, the day will come when I will say in the middle of a date "I have to use the restroom" and then climb out the bathroom window so I can use my getaway car, ( my clunker of a corolla) to escape the horror that will be my date. Needless to say I didn't have to do a mission impossible escape. (not this time at least ;))

Zach and I met for coffee and talked about the things you're not suppose to talk about on dates like religion, politics, and uuhh...I know there's a third, I'll come back to it. This guy was actually a very nice guy, and he interestingly enough, came from a religious Roman Catholic family, and was now an agnostic...oh we had a lot in common. The conversation about religion got somewhat intense though since the ex-religious Jew in me wouldn't shut up, and I found myself educating the man on Judaism 101. Even though not being religious anymore I realize I still get conflicted on subjects, and I think it's because I'm still adjusting to the new life I have chosen. Zach on the other hand found his life path, was cruising in a Ferarri down it. He's accepting, is nonjudgmental, and seems content with the hand G-d dealt him ( And believe me he didn't have it easy). I'm still not there, I'm still fresh out of the water, or rather feeling like a fish out of water. I know I'll get there one day, but for now I'm still feeling the shakey ground. After talking his ear off for I don't know how long, he was forgiving and fascinated and surprisingly, actually got ME. It was nice to talk to someone who understood the fundamentals that make you, you. I don't think I had any sexual attraction of any sort, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless and totally would not mind going out with Zach again. *Sigh* I'm gonna have to use the get-away car for a really special occasion...I gotta stage myself a BAD date =).

"Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair."
~Gilbert K. Chesterton

Am I dating just to blog about it?

2010-02-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

The more fans I seem to have, the more I to want to seek out more men just to write about my experiences with them. Is that so wrong? Because if it is, baby I don't wanna be right. ;) No word from Stan, it's only been since Sunday but I'm pretty much ready to call it quits, but in any case if he does ask for another date, I'm thinking I'll say yes, only for the entertainment value of it. Who knows, maybe he'll bring out my feisty side, and I can actually come up with some BAD-ASS comments of my own. I'll just bring some note cards on the date and every time he says something dumb I'll bust out my trusty rolodex and go to the comeback line section. I'd be throwing down lines like,"Hold that thought I have a line for that!" and "Who's the man now bitch!?" Okay, okay this is only a fantasy of mine, along with me wanting to own a monster truck so when I'm stuck in traffic I can run over all the cars, but hey, we all have our fantasies, right?

Never fear my fans, I have 2 new men in waiting. The garage guy Ryan has asked to go out cycling with me this Sunday, which may or may not pan out. Remember this guy has douche written all over him so of course this guy would make a great candidate for boy toy. I'd say the majority of us have definitely had at least one, after all boy toys are great arm candy and usually come with easy instruction manuals. As far as life partners, they don't really go down that road till they become like the men in the show, "Men of a Certain Age." and find themselves having a midlife crisis. I must admit I do enjoy a bad boy here and there and am more than happy to have as many garage experiences as possible, but avoid actually being in a garage!

Next prospect is Matt, he is cute in a young Tom Cruise-y kinda way.(Like Top Gun cute) He's a little socially awkward on the phone but I'm willing to work with that. We have semi-official plans to meet up next Wednesday night. Keep in mind this guy has flaked out on me once, so not a good track record so far. As the saying goes, there's lots of fish in the sea, and you better believe I have my fishing rod and net out there, with lots of bait...

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door." ~Milton Berle

Semi-V-Day Date

2010-02-15T11:47:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda confused, no actually I'm very confused. Stan and I were going to do dinner and dessert in Marina Del Rey, I was thankful for the fact he hadn't flaked on me despite his tiring day from training for a half-marathon. (Something I do everyday) I get to his place, he is so so so handsome, in his blazer and jeans, and very tall stature. We go to dinner, we laugh, we get along, but there's one thing...this guy makes fun of everything, when I say everything, I mean this guy doesn't miss a thing. This is not to say I don't like his sense of humor, but I'm clumsy, and not just clumsy, like clown with big shoes clumsy except usually unintentional. Around Stan I'm not only my uncoordinated self, it's under the microscope so it seems to be magnified 10X worse. Even trying to get the straw in my mouth to drink water, and I miss by an inch....he catches it, if I stumble on a word, he catches it, and if I'm just being plain old flawed me, yes he catches it. Not to mention I made the mistake of telling him my recreational activities at the party I went to the night before, OMG, in front of the cash register guy at Pink Berry he starts to talk about it rather loudly and while the register guy is snickering i'm just trying to collect every last shred of my dignity before I order a yogurt. After our date he invites me into his apartment and introduces me to his very fat cat, who has a name but he prefers to call him "Fatty", which believe me is more than suiting. The man loves his cat, it shows, but even Fatty is not immune to Stan's teasing. So indeed NO ONE is safe.
He walks me out to my car and to my surprise despite the fact that just a few moments before he accused me of walking like a drunk person, he moves in to kiss me. At first I'm not even ready, mentally I'm like, "wait, how do I do this again?" He then looks at me and says, "that's all you got?" Oh baby, you don't know who you're dealing with. I then put my skills to the test, thinking of every trick I know in a period of like a minute. He reciprocates and I know I definitely have just reinvented the wheel. Due to the fact that I realize he wants to be a gentleman, he doesn't stay for more and thanks me for coming out to see him. I leave the date wondering if he wants to see me again, and if all that joking around is just a cover up to show a very insecure man playing on everyone else's insecurities so people are too focused on themselves to focus on his. Do I really want to date someone whom I have to watch my every step with only to be made fun of when I he finally catches me stepping wrong? I'm not sure

"A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself." ~Clifton Fadiman

Unexpected plans and the Black Valentine Party

2010-02-13T16:29:00.000-08:00

Stan and I were suppose to connect on Friday to decide on our plans for the weekend, and after my last "incident" I was eager to go out again, but knew I had to be subtle. I hate being subtle, asking me to be subtle is like asking an elephant to not break anything in a room full of glass. So I did text first, and again it was subtle, "Thoughts on plans for this weekend?" And he said, "Dinner Sunday night?" I texted back cool as I think I look in my sunglasses, "Sounds good." Not realizing I had agreed to go out to dinner on Valentines Day, and viola I all of a sudden have plans....Unless he flakes out.

I had been invited to the Black Valentine party at the Moishe House in the OC, and because this is my main social destination right now I was out like a kid with ADD in a staring contest. I brought along my 2 very non-Jewish cycling friends just in case I needed sudden protection from any creepy who looked like Woody Allen. (No offence Woody, but my door just doesn't swing that way) I have to say, coming in with no expectations, just enjoying myself seeing old friends an making new ones was sweet enough to give me a few cavities to say the least. Then it happened, at the corner of my eye I saw Ryan, hot, blond, tall and definitely the bad boy I just wanted to be bad with. I just spied him, planned my tactics, was subtle and went over to talk to him while he was in company of a girl I knew that would make our introductions. I knew immediately this boy was attracted to me, lingering his hand on my waist, holding his touch longer then I knew he should. He looks over to the garage and says, "Seen this room yet?" I have a sudden deja vu of what happened at the Hanuka party with the Oh So hot bartender that had coaxed into the same room, only this time I was very very sober. I feel like being drunk must be psychologically contagious because I followed him into the room. What's up with me and garages??? Is there like an invisible sign on the door that says, "For a good time come right in!"? Apparently I really like the sign. The kissing was hot, but believe it or not, even in the slutty position I seemed to be in, I knew this stopped at kissing, especially in the "good time room." Keeping it PG, within a few minutes and was back in the living room before anyone noticed I had been gone.
I whisper in my friend Darla's ear, " I just made out with Ryan in the garage." She smiles at me, and to my surprise says, "Me too, it was just in my bedroom." I am neither jealous, nor do I care, I'm actually loving hearing this. Now I can tell you I am very very comfortable with my sexuality, and I have kissed other women to make men jealous and just for the pure enjoyment of it. I don't know how I came to it, but I was very welcoming when she kissed me, it was like, there's a party in my mouth and I have all night passes! Her friend Megan bought I few and hey I figured, the more the merrier! It made the men crazy and we just basked in the attention as they all wanted in on it, and we weren't sharing. Oh how nice it is to live in the moment, not care what others think of you, and sit back and feel the wind in my hair as I enjoy the wild ride that is my life.

"The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations.”
~Eli Khamarov

Stood up

2010-02-10T23:44:00.000-08:00

So Stan and I decided not to make our date happen till the weekend, which gave me the opportunity to go out with someone else who asked me out on a date. Mind you, being stood up by a guy is a concept I have never thought would ever cross my life path. Brad, was gorgeous, model-esque, a lawyer with a body of an Adonis. He asked me out this morning, and I figured why not? I mean again I've made a pledge to go out with as many hot men as possible until I lose my looks and become an old hag, so yeah again, why the hell not? We set our date at 9:30 at my fave coffee shop, and I waited, and waited, and WAITED. I texted, he never texted back, I called, I got the machine. The ONLY explanation I'll accept right now is if he got into a really bad car accident and ended up in the hospital and is in a coma and does not expect to wake up within a few years. Why do men do that?? Seriously why can't a guy just call me before I get dolled up, I'm ready to go to my destination, and say,"Hey, lost interest, peace out!" Seriously I could have stayed in my PJs, and hey would have saved money in gas and the feeling of being rejected. Yes I'd be bummed for a few minutes but then I'd move on to better things, like watching Hulu in my bed. In fact I think it's healing time now, someone buy me some Ben and Jerry's because right now those are the only 2 men I want in my bed at this time....Update on Stan this weekend

"He doesn't even know me. The least he could do is wait to get to know me before he rejects me." ~Miranda on 'Sex and the City'

The 411 on kissing

2010-02-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

So really, what exactly is a kiss? Is it a sign of love? lust? Or nonverbal communication for "I want you, you sexy bitch"? Or is a kiss really just a kiss? Let's dissect a little shall we? In my own opinion I think kissing is just as intimate as sex or even more so. Think of every time you've had a first kiss, and the only thing you want at that very moment is for your partner in crime to have their way with your mouth. (too much?)When you find yourself in this scenario you need to find a timing, a moment if you will, and you're trying to create the least awkward experience possible! (you're about to swap saliva it has to be a little awkward!) When you're kissing someone passion radiates, and all you want to do is stay in that moment. You seem to repeat in your head every moment leading up to a kiss, just because you need to re-live that moment of intensity where you both made a decision to close your eyes ( a sign of major trust) and mentally say, "I like you." Here are my reasons why I don't think a kiss is just a kiss: First off I think a the reason a guy may not call after he kisses you is because the moment was so intense that it can scare someone. That energy can be life changing, and some people just aren't ready to change their life for someone. Funny thing is, is that you can have sex and not kiss at all. (Yes I have done that) Kissing changes the dynamic of sex, take it out of the equation, seriously try it, it will make a difference, an element of closeness is missing. I will be honest, and this is coming from someone who loves sex, I will take an amazing hot passionate kiss over hot steamy sex. Why you ask? There's something about a kiss that just stays in my mind, a kiss opens up the playing ground, sets the stage for what's next, it builds the foundation for something that could be amazing...

"Is not a kiss the very autograph of love? "
~Henry Finck

Stan part 2, mini update

2010-02-08T09:51:00.000-08:00

Stan and I either have plans tomorrow, or wednesday night. Interestingly enough because I find this man very entertaining, and yes attractive I am looking forward to this date. This will definitely make me sound more like a guy so I'l just say it, as much fun as it is to be taken out I honestly want to skip the dinner and get right to kissing part, or possibly making out in the car. I have to admit like most human beings, physical contact is a big deal for me. I think had I stayed in the religious world I'm sure I would have had to be married off as soon as I turned 21 because I just wanted to make out with everyone when I was a young adolescent. (And let's not talk about college and early 20's.) Can you blame me? We're a sex obsessed society and our relationships are very dependent on it, whether to sleep with someone right away (not advice if you're looking for long term) or to wait till you have title of "relationship" or you're really inebriated and find that your judgement is as clear as mud and you've convinced yourself "this is the right thing to do." So no I am not going to show up to this date in just a drench coat with nothing underneath, so it's safe to say if anything happens it'll be PG13, for those of you that were worried. I'll keep you in suspense till Thursday....

A day in the world of a serial dater

2010-02-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

By popular demand, well more like a handful of people, I decided to start blogging about being a single girl in the dating world of now. It's not very original, but I figure it can't hurt anything and if people are entertained then this has served its purpose. Let's start, for those of you who don't know me well, I'm 29, athletic built, (from the title yes I am a triathlete) have great hair, am very attractive, consider myself intelligent, worldly, and very cultured. Ok so here are some details about me that make me unique, I grew up in Israel and was part of the very religious Jewish world. I'm not religious anymore so I'm trying my hand at dating anyone I find remotely attractive (Jews and non-Jews alike). One small detail, I just moved back home, mostly because of tough times, but I won't let this stop me from seeking a soulmate. This is what I call serial dating, I seem to go on at least one date a week with a different person. So let the fun begin.

Last week I had a date with a guy named *Stan (met on on of my dating websites). Nice guy, good looking, looks like Matt Damon, develops software and is 34. He made reservations at a sushi restaurant. He looked like he was suffering from severe allergies, and seemed to have a hard time communicating because of it. Nonetheless I kept the conversation going, and kept the man smiling despite the fact that he looked like he needed an oxygen mask, he was just so clogged up. He did say in the middle of the date, "you know what I like about yo so far? You're very chatty." He's right, I am =). We had good chemistry he wanted to know what my expectations are. Surprisingly I have none. I have to say, seriously yes I'd like to be in a relationship one day, but I want to date someone for a nice long period of time to build a foundation and to see if I actually wanna be in a relationship with this guy. He liked my answer, and asked for a 2nd date to another sushi place next week. We'll see if he calls, actions speak louder than words and they don't call me the "one date wonder" for nothing....

*Names are changed to protect confidentiality

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end..."
~Semisonic Lyrics, Closing Time